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  • Daughter has become very angry! Need help!

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    Old 04-10-2009, 09:01 AM   #1
    Emilysmommie05
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    Daughter has become very angry! Need help!

    My sweet little angel four year old little girl has become mean! It is not all the time, but when I tell her no to something she does it anyway and then if I scold her for it she swings at me and makes this "growl" noise! I can't believe it! She also does not listen to a WORD I say, I tell her no and she does it anyways, I feel like I am always yelling, or scolding her because she just does not want to listen to anything. She almost grabbed the scalding hot part of my curling iron the other morning while I was getting ready for work! she asked me first "Is this hot?" I said yes very very hot, and then her little hand went right for the hot part and as she was doing this she was saying "no its not its not hot!" and I had to grab the curling iron so fast to get it I burned myself! I have the curling iron pushed all the way to the back of the counter and she was stressing on her little tippy toes so hard just to prove to me that she said it wasn't hot so she was gonna show me that I was wrong even though it was very hot! SO thank God I didn't take my eye off of her for a second!
    It does not matter what I say no to, if she wants to do it she will do it, and if I am being very stern about it she will scream at me and make that growl noise, she seems so angry all the time, and I think she can feel my frustration, I try my hardest to not show my frustration, but humans can't hide it fully. Example the other morning my hubby was sick and in bed sleeping I had to run downstairs real quick to find a shirt I told my daughter to stay upstairs because the night before we had a small flood in the basement and I didn't want her to step in the dirty water, so I asked her to be very quiet because he was sleeping she said ok, but I was down there for maybe 5 minutes trying to find the outfit I was looking for and she started yelling down the stairs at me to come up right now, I said Just a sec honey I can't find my shirt! And she responded "You have been down there long enough now get up here NOW11" and screamed it at me! I came up the stairs and put her in her room for a time out, I sat her on her bed she stood up and slapped me! I walked out and closed the door, she opened the door, I picked up up put her back on her bed and told her she was in time out until she was completely quiet and stopped yelling, and she also lost t.v privilages until I said for hitting me. closed the door. She started screaming her head off!! Saying I am sorry Mama I love you I am sorry can we talk? I went in there told her as soon as she is quiet then time out is over, she would just not be quiet, the more I asked her to be quiet the louder she got. Then she got quiet after 20 minutes. She came out and we talked on the couch I told her how much I love her and it hurts when she hits, and it is naughty, and she laid on the guilt trip thick, like she always does, and then I feel awful for punishing. What do I do what is the best discipline for a child who will absolutely not listen to anything I say. She has fallen out of chairs because I have told her, don't lean in that chair like that you are going to get hurt and she would say " I can do what I want, I won't get hurt" I warn her over and over, and scold her, then BOOM butt on the floor and tears rolling, more than once this has happened, why won't she listen to me, even when I tell her she will get hurt if she continues and she continues and ends up getting hurt, like falling out of the chair? Please i need discipline advice, because I absolutely hate doing it because she is very sweet and it makes me feel awful when she cries because I scolded her, or took something away for bad behavior. PLEASE HELP!

     
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    Old 04-10-2009, 09:32 AM   #2
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    Re: Daughter has become very angry! Need help!

    Make her up a star chart. Down the side put pictures of the 'bad' behaviours, eg a yelling angry face, stubborn picture for disobedience (use free clip art off the net), etc. Next to each picture have a weekly grid. Cover it with clear adhesive plastic. At the end of each day, make a little ceremony of her putting a star against every picture if she did not do those bad things. At the end of the week, reward her with a little privilege or gift, but only if the star chart is full. You can peel off the stickers and re-use the chart. This is better than you having to be on her all the time and she will start to be proud of her perfect scores. Do not give in if she backslides; she must learn that she has to earn those stars. If she does backslide, then do not get mad, just remind her of the reward she will not get. Sometimes good old bribery and corruption works best LOL, Sera.

     
    Old 04-11-2009, 09:32 AM   #3
    Emilysmommie05
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    Re: Daughter has become very angry! Need help!

    We have tried the reward chart, and when she dosen't get a reward from the chart she has a huge fit! and gets mad. Needless to say we didn't stick to it that long, and I know I have an issue following thru and being consistent. I know I fault there. And my hubby and I were just talking about starting the chart again and sticking to it, so it is funny you said that!
    I wondered too if maybe her situation makes her mad. She loves to stay home with me and her step dad, but her biological father has visitation and she has to go visit him on the weekends as ordered by the courts. He is a great father but she just does not want to leave! We have a lot of fun at home, but her dad loves her too. So sometimes I feel like she gets "mad" at me because she has to go. i have explained to her I love her so much and we don't want her to go, but that she has her dad her loves her very much too, and then she goes but is always happy to come home. She has always been a mommys girl so that may be it. But I don't know. I just really need some discipline advice, and how to deal any ideas or similar situations?

     
    Old 04-15-2009, 10:20 AM   #4
    Emilysmommie05
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    Re: Daughter has become very angry! Need help!

    I know this is probably a common question on here but I really need some discipline advice, My fiance and I don't know what to do, she interrupts when we are talking if she does not get her way she screams and hits, if one of us says no she tries to con the other, she lies and says I said one thing was ok even though I didn't how do we deal with this? She is very naughty, ignores us when we tell her no, ignores us or tells us no when we ask her to pick up her toys or do something. What do we do, what is the best way to discipline. We have tried time-outs, taking toys and privlages away, spanking (which I don't really beleive in but we tried a little swat on the butt and I knew it wasnt right and it only happened like 3 times, and it didn't do anything anyways, and I feel like it shows her that hitting is ok, which it was never hitting just a little swat. But now we are stuck where do we go from here? What other ways of discipline is there? She is soooo headstrong I don't know what to do. We take stuff away she gets upset for a minute then she is over it and back to her naughty self. Should we actually GROUND her for a couple days like no television for a few days? Or no going outside to play? But then she goes insane! She is so full of energy she has to go outside and play, and she likes to relax after going outside for hours and watch some spongebob and have a snack, and she will not go to bed without watching a tv show before falling asleep, she used to fight and fight and would get in and out of bed and yell for 2-3 hours before finally going to sleep, and then she would be soooo tired the next day and crabby, so we found a solution, she will get right into bed and watch like 30 minutes of tv then passes right out without any fight. I have heard pros and cons, but it is better then fighting and getting all flustered and her getting in trouble before bed, then being sooo incredibly tired the next day from lack of sleep then fighting again to take a nap without tv, so its a lose lose situation. HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

     
    Old 04-16-2009, 07:20 AM   #5
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    Re: Daughter has become very angry! Need help!

    I have a 4 year old daughter and I am finding recently that she is really pushing her boundaries...
    When your LO goes to her dads, I wouldn't say to her we don't want you to go I would just let her know she is going to dads because that is what she is doing, you really don't need to explain everything especially not your feelings just tell her you love her and that she will have fun with dad and you will be here waiting for her when she gets back...I would take a calendar and mark the days on it that she goes to dads and tell her the day before that she is going just keep it natural.
    As for discipline you really have to be consistent, she is smart and already pushing your buttons (!) pick your battles wisely NO hitting NO screaming for starters. With my daughter if she misbehaves I first say 'I do not like that behaviour you need to stop that right now" I get on her level and speak firmly.
    Remember you are in charge! I tell her what I didn't like and I say if you do such and such again I will ....(consequence) for my daughter I take away a favourite toy put it on top of the fridge and tell her if she doesn't do it again she will get it back before lunch, bedtime etc make the consequence imediate its much easier to follow thru...I only take things away for about 3 hours as she just turned 4, I have done this a couple of time and it seems to be working...good luck

     
    Old 05-29-2009, 01:15 PM   #6
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    Re: Daughter has become very angry! Need help!

    Your problem is that your daughter is stronger willed than you are! You don't reason with a 4 yr. old. She can't reason at that age. At 4 it's here and now. That's her universe. Personally I don't approve of letting her watch TV just because it's easier than making her go to bed. She has your number and is using it at every turn. If you are going to have control over your little one you need to set firm consistant boundries as the first poster stated.

    When bedtime arrives, if you want to let her watch 10 minutes of TV, set a kitchen timer, tell her when the timer goes off, the TV will be turned off and she will go to bed. Just make it statement. She needs her sleep. When the alarm goes off. Turn off the TV and take her to her room. Tuck her in and say good night. She may pitch a fit, but this is a routine that you will continue and it will get easier night after night, provided that you CONTINUE IT. If you cave in because she fusses, then it won't work, and she will have won.

    Nothing is going to work if you don't stick to it day after day. When you have a child that is bright, they figure out that stamping their feet and screaming will get them their way pretty fast. It may be cute now, but in a year or so she will be so obnoxious that no one will care to have her around. Any punishment you do needs to be swift and to the point. Make it suite the crime and be fairly short. After all, she is 4 and her attention span isn't that long. Don't feel guilty for making her mind. You are developing her personality, so help her have the right one. Help her be pleasant and kind. But this means that you need to strengthen your backbone and learn to say no! It won't damage her pysche and she won't grow up having nightmares about being told no. If that were the story my two grown sons never would have slept!

    As one of the ministers in town says, not a sermon, just a thought.... good luck with your little one. The key to raising any child is consistancy and kindness.

     
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