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  • 11 year old is depressed

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    Old 07-31-2009, 07:55 PM   #1
    MOM23ANGELS
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    11 year old is depressed

    my 11 year old told me that he feels "unhappy" quite often lately and he can't really explain why. he started to tell me that he feels that (being the oldest) he has a responsibilty to let his siblings get what they want to keep the peace. but then feels angry that he allowed them to get over on him. my middle child has some special needs and my oldest also confided in me that he feels frustrated over getting annoyed with some of his brothers behaviors.

    i just feel like he has put the weight of the world on his shoulders and i can't understand why. we are so laid back and never put the pressure on.

    has anyone been thru the same and should i look into therapy for him?

    Last edited by MOM23ANGELS; 07-31-2009 at 07:55 PM.

     
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    Old 08-02-2009, 06:51 AM   #2
    dolejaly
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    Re: 11 year old is depressed

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MOM23ANGELS View Post
    my 11 year old told me that he feels "unhappy" quite often lately and he can't really explain why. he started to tell me that he feels that (being the oldest) he has a responsibility to let his siblings get what they want to keep the peace. but then feels angry that he allowed them to get over on him. my middle child has some special needs and my oldest also confided in me that he feels frustrated over getting annoyed with some of his brothers behaviors.

    i just feel like he has put the weight of the world on his shoulders and i can't understand why. we are so laid back and never put the pressure on.

    has anyone been thru the same and should i look into therapy for him?

    I can totally relate to some of your situation. It is normal for your son being the oldest to feel frustration, anger and yet sadness, which in turn brings out mixed emotions. My special needs child is in between one older and 2 younger and both the older brother and younger brother have expressed similar emotions as you explained. Sometimes as parents of special needs children we don't realize that we do put some pressure on the kids, but what they see as pressure we don't see it,I had to have someone else point that out to me a long time ago....Hang in there, its hard, but you knowing and having the concern as you expressed shows your a very dedicated mom to all your children...May I ask what your child's diagnose is that is special needs?

     
    Old 08-02-2009, 09:03 AM   #3
    MOM23ANGELS
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    Re: 11 year old is depressed

    hello dolejay,

    thank you for your response. it's nice to hear from someone in the same boat. my eldest has always been an "old soul" and worries about things way too much. we are working on that. my middle son has a pragmatic language disorder and has difficulty with his ability to keep up with other kids his age as far as conversation and such. you could say he is somewhere on the autism spectrum but not a classic case. as a matter of fact he doesn't score on the spectrum at all (thru testing) but the spectrum is a huge umbrella with many disorders included. my husband tells me that i "hover" too much and read into things too much. it's probably just growing pains but no parent wants to see their children sad. he never acts this way around his dad so that makes me happy so perhaps i need to change the way i respond to him.

     
    Old 08-02-2009, 04:13 PM   #4
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    Re: 11 year old is depressed

    I think it is appropriate to offer your eldest a chance to get his feelings out, to a non-judgmental, professional who is trained in helping children.

    Having a special needs child does greatly add to the stress siblings feel. He may feel hesitant to burden you with concern, and not understand exactly what is driving his depression. I encourage you to offer your son a chance to let these feelings out, and receive whatever treatment necessary for him to feel better. Depression is a real illness that deserves intervention, before it becomes too deep to unravel.

    It sounds like you have your hands full, so seeking help for your eldest is a good thing for all of you. The more we learn, the more tools we have to make good decisions for our children's benefit. I wish you well.

     
    Old 08-02-2009, 08:18 PM   #5
    dolejaly
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    Re: 11 year old is depressed

    My 12 yr old when asked why he is sad or angry he says he don't even know, he just feels it...So you get a cross between them getting older(pre-teen) and the deep thoughts they have. My other children have never really expressed their true feelings or thought about their special needs brother, but I can tell that there are things that bother them, but they don't know how to express it. That is just by little things they may ask or comment on.

    For the longest time I would devote so much time into trying to do the right things for my special needs child and always try to include him into as close to normalcy life as I could that I didn't realize that I was in some way neglecting my child's needs that was older....I started to make time for each one as a one on one and try to get that special time so my oldest boy could feel comfortable with talking and feel that special time as in his eyes he felt I was giving to my special needs child, if that made any sense.

    A mom always seem to know w/ out a child saying anything that something deep down inside is bothering them, as w/ your child ,my other children are deep thinkers also..One time I suggested my oldest boy write kind of a story of what he feels or see's in his eyes being in a home w/ a sibling w/ special needs, and he elaborated his feelings and story in such a excellent way that it was sent into a magazine for children and printed out.....I think it made him feel better that in some ways he helped himself get off his chest some of his deep thoughts, feelings and also helped other children that maybe goes through some of the similar things...Just keep letting him know that he can talk openly to you about anything and little by little he might start to feel better...Just keep on the one on one time and let him know he is just as important and that you are taking care of all of them and how much you enjoy being a mom. As the other poster mention some family counseling, which is a good idea too.....It is always good for the family to have someone to talk with...My oldest boy thought I would get upset with him if he expressed that he got frustrated w/ his special needs brother, and I explained to him even me as the mom gets to that point and there is nothing wrong with it. It is a normal emotion and that being able to express it by having someone to talk with is a very good thing.....

     
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