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  • I'm having problems with my stepdaughter. PLEASE HELP!!!!

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    Old 09-30-2002, 10:06 PM   #1
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    Unhappy I'm having problems with my stepdaughter. PLEASE HELP!!!!

    Hello. I'm 26 years old and I have 3 stepchildren. My husband is 45 and he has 3 kids. The oldest one is almost 21, the middle one just turned 18 and the youngest is almost 16. My stepdaughter, the middle one, moved in with my husband and I and our 2 1/2 year old son. She moved in right before my son was born. She and I got along like 2 best friends when she moved in and even before but after she had been here a while things started getting rocky. She started dating a guy about 1 1/2 years ago and he treated her like crap. He smoked pot and she got very angry about that. He drinks about every weekend and she told him that she didn't like that either. He cheated on her several times and so she finally called it quits but only after getting into numerous fights with my husband and I. Every time she was with him she'd get into trouble. She'd skip school with him, have him over while we were gone, talk to him via phone or internet at all hours of the night, etc. I know most of this is your typical teenage hurdles but it only got worse. One night she decided to go out and she came home totally bent out of shape. I don't know what happened and she wouldn't say. She tried saying it was something else but I knew better. She fought with us so much that we finally told her that if she wanted to move in with her mom, she could. We told her that she didn't have to make waves about it and if that's what she wanted she could do it. She called her mom, packed her stuff and was ready to leave about 20 minutes later. When she called her mom she was crying really bad and making it worse than it was. Her mom (living about 2 hours away) called the cops so they showed up at the door. They ended up taking her to the LEC and her mom came to pick her up. Two days later my brother called me telling me he had a new stepdaughter. She had come back and moved in with her friend and her friend's parents. She went around town (now mind you I live in a small town where the population is roughly 1,000 people so everyone knows everyone) telling people that my husband hit her so she called the cops. This made us very angry cuz it wasn't true. She's been gone now for about 2 months and she still lives here and we haven't talked to her since. I miss her so much even though I'm still angry. She turned 18 about a month after she moved out and she's still living with her friend. I want to talk to her and I want her to see my kids (they are her siblings and I don't want to keep her from them) but I also don't want to be the one to go to her. My husband tried talking to her about 3 days after she left and she threatened him with an order of protection. I don't want to go and try to talk to her and have her call the cops telling them we're harassing her but I want her in our lives. She graduates from high school this year and I would like to be a part of that. I'm so sorry to make this so long but felt I had to explain some things before I get any advice. I'd love for people to share what they feel I should do.

    Thanks in advance!

    [This message has been edited by sweetypi (edited 10-01-2002).]

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    Old 10-02-2002, 04:37 AM   #2
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    Maybe you could stop by where she lives and deliver her some home-made cookies or something, keep it casual; if she wants to talk to you, fine, keep it light; if not, just leave the cookies for her. Little gestures like that, without overwhelming her. If you're not on friendly terms by the time she graduates, go to the graduation anyway.

    Old 10-02-2002, 08:00 PM   #3
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    Thanks so much for the advice. Her boyfriend contacted me via email tonight so I think she's coming around. Maybe it was a phase she was going through and now she's realizing she needs us! Thanks again!

    Old 11-05-2002, 11:36 PM   #4
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    Is this the same bf that started the whole mess with your sd and her family, has he changed for the better? I see its been a month you posted so I hope everything is ok now. I was going to suggest email or letter but since you mentioned the bf email to you, your already communicating to her with written words.

    Best to you,

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