It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Parenting Issues Message Board

  • Etiquette when son is invited for an outing by a friend's mother

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 02-12-2003, 05:32 PM   #1
    Cheryl3
    Senior Member
     
    Cheryl3's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2002
    Posts: 168
    Cheryl3 HB User
    Post Etiquette when son is invited for an outing by a friend's mother

    Hi,
    I have a question that I have been wondering about for some time. When my 8-year-old son is invited to outings (i.e., movies, museum, swimming, whatever), should I send money along with him? Or should I just give money to the parent when they come to pick him up? Or should I assume that they are going to pay for it since they invited him? When we invite his friends to go places with us, I always pay for it myself but I don't know how other parents feel about this.

    I don't like to put my son in the awkward position of pulling out a wad of bills and offering to pay his own way, because he is rather shy and can't really count money that well anyway! I think it is especially awkward because we are "better-off" financially than a lot of his friends' parents, so I don't want to offend them by offering to pay, but I also don't want them thinking, "Well, she could certainly afford to pay her son's way!" The other problem is that I'm not really sure how much some of these things cost, and sometimes the parent is not even specific about where they will be going, so I don't even know how much it is going to cost.

    How do others deal with this situation?



    ------------------
    Cheryl
    __________________
    Cheryl

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 02-12-2003, 06:31 PM   #2
    KatieCat
    Junior Member
     
    KatieCat's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Posts: 25
    KatieCat HB User
    Post

    I always send money when my daughter is invited on an outing. She's almost 11 so I send the money with her; when she was younger I gave it directly to the friend's parent. No one has ever turned down the money, and most seem pleased that I'm willing to pay my daughter's way. As a single parent, I appreciate parents offering to pay their own kid's way when it's my turn to take them somewhere.

    However, I see nothing wrong with reciprocating - as long as it evens out in the end.

     
    Old 02-12-2003, 06:32 PM   #3
    msrivers
    Junior Member
     
    msrivers's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: New Meadows Id USA
    Posts: 46
    msrivers HB User
    Post

    Maybe when you discuss the outing with the other parents ask in a casual manner, " so how much is it to get into the Zoo anyway?" They'll say "Oh, about $7.00 per kid, but don't worry about it" or they'll say "Oh about $7.00 per kid and if he wants snacks maybe a little more." That way it gives both of you a chance to investigate the $ issue.

     
    Old 02-18-2003, 09:48 PM   #4
    mushroom1
    Senior Member
     
    mushroom1's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2002
    Location: USA
    Posts: 152
    mushroom1 HB User
    Post

    I usually just reciprocate by taking their child out within the next couple of weeks. Sometimes I will offer to pay their way, though.

    We have had some children at our house weekend after weekend, without their parents offering anything, but those parents have normally been low income, so it really didn't bother me.

     
    Old 02-19-2003, 06:23 AM   #5
    Cheryl3
    Senior Member
     
    Cheryl3's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2002
    Posts: 168
    Cheryl3 HB User
    Post

    Thanks, everybody -- those are all great ideas! My husband came up with another one....he told me that as my son was getting his coat on and getting ready to go, pull out a $10 bill and give it to him. I ended up trying this and his friend's mom said, "Oh, don't worry about it, it's my treat!" So it ended up working out OK after all, without anyone being too embarrassed. But I might try one of the other strategies next time. Thanks again!


    ------------------
    Cheryl
    __________________
    Cheryl

     
    Old 02-19-2003, 03:41 PM   #6
    CindyA
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Jan 2003
    Location: Federal Way, WA, USA
    Posts: 70
    CindyA HB User
    Post

    Quote:
    Originally posted by Cheryl3:
    Hi,
    When my 8-year-old son is invited to outings, should I send money along with him? Or should I just give money to the parent when they come to pick him up? Or should I assume that they are going to pay for it since they invited him? When we invite his friends to go places with us, I always pay for it myself but I don't know how other parents feel about this.

    When my daughter is/has been invited on outings, I have always asked the parent "How much will it cost so that I can send some money?" If the other parent wants to/can pay, they will say so. If they could use the help, they give an amount. Now, if it is something that I really don't have the extra funds for, I will tell my daughter or the other parent "I don't have the money for her to do that right now." If they want to/can pay, they will/have offered. If they are not in the position, we reschedule.

    When I invite other kids to do something with my daughter, it is basically the same, just reversed. "Can Cara go to the movies with us--we're paying." Or, "I really want to take all the girls to the movies, but I can't pay for everybody--are you up for paying if I do the hauling?"

    Some people can swing it to always pay for their kids' friends and some people cannot. There is nothing wrong with either situation. I think it is helpful to just get the money wondering out of the way when the plans are being made. That way neither household is left wondering "Am I paying? Or are they paying?"

    With an 8 year-old, I believe that handing the money to the parents with instructions is the best way to handle it. "This is for Josh's movie, popcorn and soda--but no candy, please."

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    When People You Thought Were Friends Abandon You in Time of Need Overcomer32 Grief & Loss 15 03-14-2009 01:32 PM
    When people ask "How are you?", what do you say? LifeLost Chronic Pain 40 09-30-2007 06:21 PM
    Nude tanning etiquette t-dash Teen Health 8 03-26-2004 02:27 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:20 AM.





    © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!