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  • Mother in Law holding my daughter to cry herself to sleep.

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    Old 08-15-2010, 05:36 AM   #1
    dmaxwell564
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    Question Mother in Law holding my daughter to cry herself to sleep.

    Hello all, i am new to these message boards, so forgive me if i do something wrong. I couldnt find answers anywhere on this so turning to you guys. I have a 16 month old daughter, she sleeps great (in her crib) she will sleep through the night she has always been like this. But when she goes to visit with my mother in law, "carrie", who does have a pack and play, but will refuse to use it. Carrie will bring her up for a nap everytime my daughter visits with her, but the issue im having with it is that Carrie refuses to use the pack and play to lay my daughter down and let her cry herself to sleep because my daughter does not sleep well if shes not in her own crib, instead she brings my daughter in her bed with her and holds my daughter down while my daughter screams the worst i have ever heard her scream untill she falls asleep that way.What i am asking is will this havee any long term affects on my daughter? Is this normal? i dont know of anyone else doing it and i honestly think its crazy. What she tells me is that she used to do it to my husband all the time, but i dont think it is normal. Please help!

     
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    Old 08-15-2010, 06:03 AM   #2
    kdel
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    Re: Mother in Law holding my daughter to cry herself to sleep.

    What???? Am I reading this right? Your mil physically holds your baby down, pinned to the bed while she screams?? Why????

    When my son was a baby he also only slept well in his own crib but-God help anyone who would have done this to him!

    I'm sorry but this just sounds crazy and very traumatic to your baby. I would not let this go on.

     
    Old 08-15-2010, 06:05 AM   #3
    fruitloop1024
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    Re: Mother in Law holding my daughter to cry herself to sleep.

    First off, she is your daughter. If you do not like how something is going at grandmas, then you need to bring it up. First with your spouse, so they are not blind sided by it. Explain your concerns. A child should NEVER be held down screaming. If something were to happen to your daughter while in your MILs care, and you knew about it, you can be charged with neglagance or recklass enganderment. I doubt that would ever happen, but its a worst case type of situation. If your MIL cannot come to terms with how you want your child to be delt with in her care, then she should not be watching your child. I have had issues with my own mother. I get very stern with her and tell her its this way or no way. She is very understanding of that. Your MIL can still come to your house to watch your daughter, but until she goes by what you want, which is as simple as putting her to sleep in the pack n play, which she will get used to, then your daughter just shouldnt go to her house.
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    Last edited by fruitloop1024; 08-15-2010 at 06:06 AM.

     
    Old 08-15-2010, 02:45 PM   #4
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    Re: Mother in Law holding my daughter to cry herself to sleep.

    This is not right. If you are going there make sure you put her down for her nap and insist that you will do the controlled crying your way - the right way! With her in a safe place. If she won't have it you'll have to refuse to go over there.

    Adults and children should not share a bed. Its dangerous. Be firm and remeber your her mum, what you say goes.

     
    Old 08-18-2010, 10:01 AM   #5
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    Re: Mother in Law holding my daughter to cry herself to sleep.

    ACTUALLY.... the only thing your MIL is really doing wrong here, is not listening to you, which is something that needs to be addressed.

    As far as holding a screaming child down to help them fall asleep.... plenty of people have had to resort to that, myself included, and there's nothing wrong with it. It's not going to harm the child. My oldest wouldn't take a nap any other way at that age. If I tried to lock her in the crib, she'd just play and play and not fall asleep, no matter how tired she was! So I had to hold her in my bed and let her scream and fight until she finally passed out, then I'd put her in her crib. She's a very happy, healthy, well adjusted 6 year old now, and she and I have a great relationship and always have.

    I would first ask your MIL why she doesn't just let your daughter cry it out alone. Your MIL might just be one of those people who feels guilty listening to a baby crying alone. Maybe she feels like if your daughter is going to be crying anyway, she might as well hold her. Maybe your MIL just needs to feel needed? Or maybe she's just one of those people who doesn't take to change very well and figures if it was good enough for her kids, it's good enough for her grandkids too. I assume your husband is a normal guy without any abnormal mommy issues, so it must not have harmed him in anyway.

    Whatever the reason, it's obvious that your MIL doesn't mean any harm by it. And if your daughter isn't acting afraid of your MIL in anyway, then it's obviously not bothering her.

    The thing that needs to be addressed is that you've asked your MIL to do things your way, and your MIL won't do it. If it's that important to you, then don't let your MIL take care of your daughter anymore.

    ALSO.... you said it was the worst you've ever heard your daughter scream? Why is your MIL putting your daughter down for a nap when you are there in the house anyway???

    Last edited by marisuela; 08-18-2010 at 10:04 AM.

     
    Old 08-20-2010, 08:53 PM   #6
    dmaxwell564
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    Talking Re: Mother in Law holding my daughter to cry herself to sleep.

    Thank you all for replying to my issue, I have finally put my foot down and stopped this i am hoping once and for all. And to answer a question: i did hear my daughter screaming, my MIL took her up for a nap while i was outside without me knowing it, when i walked into the house i could hear my daughter screaming, and i did say something about it to my husband but he wont stand up to his mother either. Also, yes it does seem to me like she just likes to bow down to my daughter and (my husband as well) to their every want & need, she will never even put my daughter down to walk by herself when she is over her house and my daughter is 18 months old almost! I am someone who really does not like confrontation and its hard for me to stand up to my MIL because she gets all mad and hates not getting her way that she will just start a huge argument over me saying one thing, so usually i leave it up to my husband to say things to her but he also doesn't like standing up to her and it seems even if we do she does what she wants anyways. But thanks to all of your replys i finally just said hey you know what either you listen to us as her parents or she will not be visiting over your house anymore until you can listen.

    Thank You ALL so much!

     
    Old 08-23-2010, 01:28 AM   #7
    Sumanadevii
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    Re: Mother in Law holding my daughter to cry herself to sleep.

    There is one way to fix this. Don't allow the woman to babysit. It is pure abuse to hold a screaming child until they fall asleep. Ever heard of rocking a baby when they are away from their own bed?

    If you are afraid to stand up to her, make darn sure she is kept away from your daughter.

     
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