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i am a idiot.........

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Old 12-07-2011, 07:04 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: australia
Posts: 1
jed50 HB User
i am a idiot.........

i have done the most stupid thing....My 18 yr old daughter has been seeing a 28 yr old male, who is known to be a total loser.(secretly sneaking around with him, she has a vechile & works in the area he lives).
The other night, i had a few drinks, and rang this males mother(who i dont personally know)and said can she keep her druggie son away from my daughter......i cant remember what else i said......yes, i am crying..again..
Did i not think he wouldnt say anything to her????????????????
Yesterday, she landed home, and i knew she knew about it.........she said nothing to me....i cant blame her..
Her elder sister(21),yelled at me and said i was pushing her away, i was i idiot..yes...and other things..
I ended up driving two hours in my car, and stayed in a motel,as i was too upset to stay here..i still have not seen her father (at work)..
Am i the worst parent in the world........i nearly feel like vomiting, for what i have done...what can i do to possibly fix this..

The following 2 users give hugs of support to: jed50
jilas0127 (12-30-2011),ozzybug (12-08-2011)
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Old 12-08-2011, 04:18 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 1,625
ozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB User
Re: i am a idiot.........

Jed- I know how you feel girl. My daughter has been with a total BUM for many years. (since highschool, she's an adult now) He has no JOB, no LICENSE, doesn't go to school/college and sits around playing video games & smoking dope all day while my daughter walks a mile to & from work 6-7 days a week, good weather or bad, all times of the day & night since she works at a restaurant in a college town & this restaurant stays open until after midnight. This idiot even called her his "rich girlfriend" for a while & that burned my butt big time! He's been using her & she deserves much better.

For a while, she was sneaking around behind our backs seeing him- this was when she was still living at home & we provided her with a car. Now, they live with some roommates several hours away.

She pays all his bills, puts food in his stomach, clothes on his back, pays for his cigarettes, & since she's the only one of the two working, she's obviously paying for his dope too.

Anyway, did you make a huge mistake? Yes you did, BUT most of us mothers who are in the same situation can understand why you did it. You did it out of love & concern for your daughter. You know she deserves better.

The only thing you can do from here is give your daughter a HUGE apology and do everything in your power to step back & let her make her own mistakes. It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but if I can do it, anyone can. I've had to force myself to remember that my daugher is an adult & regardless of the fact that I KNOW she's making a HUGE mistake in staying with this guy, and regarldess of how much I KNOW she will NEVER get anywhere in life as long as she's with this BUM, it's still HER life & HER choice to make.

You can sit down with your daughter and let her know how sorry you are for what you did & assure her that no matter what, you love her and that even though you made this mistake it was only because of your love for her. Also let her know that because of your love for her, you will step back and allow her to make her own decision as to whom she wishes to date. Then my dear, you MUST stay true to that.

This isn't the end of the world, none of us are perfect and we've all done things that have made our kids angry with us. You two can make it through this. It may take some time, but I'm sure it will work out for you both.

I'm sending hugs & positive thoughts your way from one mom to another.


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