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workinmom572 09-11-2012 09:24 PM

first time college student parents
Like how to cope when you miss your child so darn much and They are homesick too. I don't know if I text too much, and want to send him a.package but is that good or bad, and ideas on what to send, stuff They need that We didn't Think of, etc. Just general support as It's a super hard adjustment!

tasdad 10-21-2012 02:36 PM

Re: first time college student parents
Get busy. Do something like a hobby or start spending some "ME" time. It is a new era for both YOU and your child. While it is fine to tell them that you miss them too, don';t let it become a case of them feeling guilty for being away.

Be there to talk when they need to, send some prepaid phone cards or cell phone credits etc. Encourage writing letters or emails and talking about each day. Reply promptly and look for the positives.

Your child is now a young adult and heading toward a great future. YES, send care packages. Include things you KNOW they like, photos of things YOU are doing, if they see you are doing things and still have time for them, they won't feel left out by being away.

Send occasional silly tings, if you enjoy serious fun. Nothing makes their day more then to get a package from home and find something utterly ridiculous in it. Use your imagination on that, it does depend on you and your young adult.

Most importantly, encourage your child, when you talk to him or her, let them know just how proud you are of them being at college, and talk of their future.

As I said though, make sure they know that you are still thinking of them, but also that you have started doing new things as well.

Good luck.

workinmom572 10-21-2012 02:39 PM

Re: first time college student parents
That's great advice! I just had major surgery two weeks before he left. I.think he felt bad leaving me.

tasdad 10-21-2012 02:42 PM

Re: first time college student parents
It double posted.

Hope you are feeling better. Make sure he knows you are coping. He will feel at least a little guilty that he has gone, knowing you have had surgery, but he must also realise that this is HIS time.

Good luck with it.

writeleft 10-21-2012 08:55 PM

Re: first time college student parents
Hi there, great topic! I think my perspective may help you, as me reading your experience has helped me a lot!

I am the other side of the coin. My son is going to college too, first year, but instead of going away to school, he is going to community college and living at home. While your son is studying at the study hall or in his dorm room, mine is mixing it in with several friends in his room. While you are sitting down to dinner, I am watching the same group of kidults raid my refrigerator. While each of them has handsome job search going on, none of them is yet to start off right.

Where as four months ago, I was full of hope and inspiration, today was a typical day where son and girlfriend are out in the ocean, in San Diego California!What is this? After graduating, what happens next if your iron clad plan isnt off to the start you expected?

While, of course, I write this tongue in cheek, over exagerated a bit, but just to show you that we are all in the same boat whether good or bad. We are in those critical years after high school, where everthing is up in the air.Be it that your child is not ready to make these huge life altering decisions without our guidance. They are the "kiddult" half kid, half adult. In practice they are unsure, inexperienced, poor and dumb and by nature are irresponsible and prone to mistakes.

Then there are us mothers and fathers, who are equally shaky, in a tough transition with puberty behind us (or not) and possibly menopause too!We are desperately trying to hold on the that little boy/girl we knew so well a few weeks or months ago, while let go of that young man standing in his place.

I have another thing in common with you, I have chronic illness in my life, that I use this place to both recover and to rejoin life. I survived 4 strokes 9 years ago, and have been stroke free for 9 lives. Parenting has definatly been an area of recovery that I have not addressed in my time here, but I would like to add that to my list of things to do.

As far as encouragement as to what you should do to fill your time, I agree with the others here, great ideas for things to do. I would never hold back any love you are feeling. So you are silly, that is fine. Ask him how many times a day you can text him without it interfering with his school or social activities. I hope he has plans to go to the dances, big games and other social events. It is there he will get his college memories, friends and social interest

I would love to share notes as we go through this year together, if you are interested. It will be both educational and funny.

Best wishes to you my friend, Janet

workinmom572 10-21-2012 09:05 PM

Re: first time college student parents
Hi Janet. I have two other sons as well as this one away at college. One is 20. He never left home and only went college as well to.get a fire fighting cert & his EMT license. He lives in our basement, rent free, as he can barely pymt, insurance, gas, and small spending money. He was unemployed for 6 months last year also. Now I complain he works too much, double & triple shifts just to pay those. Then I have a freshman in highschool. He is.the easiest kid by far. Oh, my oldest lives like a total.slob, NOT how I.raised.him at all. It.could be his ADD/ADHD.
Yeah, staying in touch would def be fun!

writeleft 10-22-2012 12:20 AM

Re: first time college student parents
I have an older son as well, who is 28 years old. At this point I have been parenting for 29 years straight. I guess I am ready to see some forward motion towards adulthood and the empty nest.

I have always had the house where all the kids have come, and I have always loved having them.

Having a room full of 8 year old's playing video games is cute, but there is something less cute when those same kids are 18 and it is a Tuesday morning, and several of them are avoiding what they should be doing. Meanwhile, I am struggling to keep the house going. Less fun than I ever remember !

So think of me when you are starving for your sons company, when you are hungry for his favorite dish, and when you are lonely, think of how lonely I am with half empty water bottles up to my neck and they are playing insane music in the background!

Game Changer 01-06-2013 04:13 AM

Re: first time college student parents
Hi there!

I can relate! I miss my daughter and she still lives at home :rolleyes: Just like Writeleft, my daughter attends a local private university and just completed her first semester. We were so excited about the prospect of college, she ended her yearlong high school relationship (b/c a long distance relationship would never have worked) and she promised herself that she was going to do her best to get good grades, meet new people, and get involved in school.

Well, after a month of freedom from a relationship she met another boy (who attends a different university) and they've been inseparable since August. I realize that this relationship is different from her high school flings but the combination of so many new changes, i can't figure out what her priorities are. I worry about her all the time, being able to make the right choices. I still don't know what her final grades were, i know she passed, but needless to say, she didn't do all the things she said she would.

We were always so close but the past four months have been a battlefield. We can barely have a civil conversation without it turning into an argument of some kind. I still can't believe how quickly everything became so crazy.

I've come to realize that she doesn't want my feedback, she just wants me to listen without judgement. I've never been able to hold back when it comes to my kids. She is my first born and she was my only child for nine years before i had my son.

She recently got a part time job so between school, work, and her boyfriend, we never really have any time together.

I'm a school counselor and currently work at a university, dealing with students (and sometimes parents) all day long, I thought i was going to be prepared for this change! I just didn't know it was going to hurt so much.

I just wanted to get this off of my chest because its always on my mind and i can see that i am not alone.

Good luck to all of us!

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