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HELP With my teenager

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Old 11-18-2012, 09:22 AM   #1
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HELP With my teenager

My 15yr old Daughter has become impossible. Not all of the time, just when she cant get her own way with my Husband and myself.

She's an only child and is rather spoilt, but its coming back to kick us in the butt now.

Let me tell you about last night. She had been to the cinema the night before with £20 supper for her gf's and a lift there from me.

She stayed in her night clothes all day yesterday and didnt wanna do much (typical teen i know) then last night she came down from her room fully dressed to say one of her friends who is a year older than her had said she should go to the cinema again to watch same film with a group of them. She came into the room and said im going to the cinema, NOT can i go to the cinema please. She tried to tell us not ask us. I said she couldnt go again as i wasnt giving her more money and i dont particularly like this girl she was going with as she has done some silly things in past with my Daughter.

So my Daughter heard no and started to become insistent she was going and that was that. I couldnt believe i was hearing this, so i persisted to say you are not going and thats final. She said to me if you dont let me go i will hit you !! i thought i had heard wrong. So i got up from my chair and asked her to give me her mobile phone for being rude, she ran into kitchen and went to opposite end of dining table and would NOT let me have the phone. I lost it, i shouted at her to give me her phone she still wouldnt !! so i finally caught up with her and i smacked her on her back for being so damn rude, she gaveme the phone and faked a dramatic fall to the ground.

She stormed off SCREAMING at me, my Husband got up and went to her bedroom and told her off pretty harshly, she STILL shouted obcenteties at him, so he took all her posters from her wall, and took her remotes for TV , i pod and her fav jumper away too.

at that point she screamed so loud and continuous i thought the neighbour would call the police, it sounded like we were murdering her. I tried to reason with her and seh cowered in corner and said "dont hit me dont hit me" i didnt hit her in first place, but she made it look like i beat her. So since then shes been in her room and wont talk to either of us. Hubby says leave her to it.

Shes back at school tomorrow and i want the teachers to watch her to see why she is so scarily angry. But if i mention anything i think she will tell teachers i hit her, and they will put social services onto me, and ive never touched her before that shove last night.
I feel awful that i did that to her, but she was totally vile.
Sorry its long, thanks for readin and some help would be appreciated. Thanks

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Old 11-18-2012, 10:10 AM   #2
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Re: HELP With my teenager

Firstly, I don't think at this point, there is any reason to involve the school - she probably saves the tantrums for home, so they will have a different picture of her.
The main point I want to make is that you are playing right into her hands by losing it and getting into it with her. I know how maddening a teenage drama queen can be (had one of my own), but you have seen how quickly it escalates. You still have financial control here, and if she has no money then she cannot go.
Use the "the broken record" technique...just repeat your statement in the same calm firm tone, for example, "you have no money, you cannot go out" or similar, and keep saying it in reply to all her screaming.
Let go (for now) of the reaction to her abusive rant; keep focused on the outcome that you want (no going out), and expect it to get ugly. You prevailed last night-she did not go out.
This incident and behaviour is fairly typical of a teenage little madam, and it won't be the last. Stick to your guns, stay calm, don't let her wind you up. You are in charge, but remember she will push you to the limit. That is her job!
Cheers, Sera

Old 11-18-2012, 09:53 PM   #3
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Re: HELP With my teenager

Your daughter is still at it, huh? sigh...

First, you are the parent, not her friend. Don't let her know that you are worried about the school finding out about the tap. She will use that to the best of her ability to blow it far out of proportion.

At 15 the center of her world is HER. that is all she is concerned with. She knew that you wouldn't like her wanting to go out the next night so she tried to bluff her way out of the door. Almost got there. You just need to tell her no, it isn't a good time for her to be out. You can make up whatever reason you want, the sky is falling, the moon is pink, or just the don't want her going out tonight. There is noo argument, this is just a statement. Stay calm and reasonable...if and when she will eventually talk to you, remind her that she needs to ask for permission to go out. There needs to be respect for you and your hubby, and your word goes. If she fails to be polite and kind, there will be no phone, no tv, no ipod, no life as she knows it. Do not beg her forgiveness or tell her that she shouldn't talk about it...the more you appear frightened, the more power you will be giving her. The fact that she is cowering in the corner tells me that she is surprised that you acted as you did. She thought she had it made....and hubby is right, let it go and let her stew.

Being 15 is no fun for either of you, but you seem to be having a particularily long run of it...have you considered boarding school (just kidding). hang in there, have a glass or bottle of wine with your deserve it!

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