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    Old 09-27-2002, 08:10 PM   #1
    T-bone-Mama
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    Unhappy 14 yr old daughter smoking

    Help! My 14 year old daughter is smoking cigarettes, I desperately want her to stop but don't know how to go about it. Neither my husband nor I smoke, but her grandmother passed away last year after spending the last 5 months of her life on a respirator due to 50 years of smoking. (yes, she had many visits with Grandma in the Hosp.) I can not talk any sense into her, she says she would like to quit but can't - she feels like she "needs" it. She admitted to smoking 3-4 cigarettes a day, she sneaks outside to do it so I don't know if this is an accurate number. Could she be addicted? If so, what is the best way to help her stop, assuming she really wants to? I have taken custody of her money, hoping that would help but it hasn't - apparently she has other resources. She won't tell me HOW she gets them. She will smoke alone or with a friend, it is not a "group" thing. Any ideas??

     
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    Old 09-28-2002, 11:13 AM   #2
    unhealthy
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    I dont know much about cig addiction, but I thought you were addicted after the 10th one. My cousin decided he wanted to smoke at age 12, and when his mom got a hold of him......well it wasnt pretty. Anyways he doesnt smoke anymore. I personally dont think physically hitting a child is the right way, but it is common in asian cultures. Especially korean ones. I remember that my cousin smoked because his friends did. Maybe alert her friend's parent's about their own children smoking and come up with a plan with the other parents.....isolate her from bad crowd? Someone else will post a better answer! Good luck tho!

     
    Old 09-30-2002, 05:58 AM   #3
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    Where is she getting the cigarettes? She can't buy them herself I am guessing. If she is only smoking three or four a day, then her addiction isn't too bad yet. I hate to say it, but get her nicotine gum, 2mg and use the tapes included in the box. I have smoked for 15+ years and it took watching my aunt die of lung cancer to get me to stop. And it ain't easy. Nicotine is the most addictive subtance there is. It sucks.
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    Old 09-30-2002, 08:40 AM   #4
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    Thanks for the replies. I will buy her the gum since I do feel she could be addicted, I just hope that she really wants to stop. I do not know where she gets the cigarettes - she did tell me before I took charge of her money that she would stand outside the local drug store and ask an adult to buy her some. I can't believe people would do this, but she told me it was not difficult. I have also suspected that she gets them from an elderly neighbor who smokes; I know she does favors for her sometimes. Of course I have confronted our neighbor several times about this, but she denies it.

     
    Old 09-30-2002, 10:17 AM   #5
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    I think it is sad for adults to buy cigarettes and alcohol for teenagers too, although I have seen it happen with my own eyes. I agree with all of the above advice and would like to add: Keep snooping around and try to find her other resources that you mentioned in your original post. If she whines about "privacy," you should tell her that privacy is a right which must be earned through responsible behavior, and that her behavior has not been very responsible lately. You have to do your best to protect her from this! Try to help her quit now. It will only be harder the longer she stays hooked.

    It's sad to say, but she probably is addicted. Tobacco is just about the most addictive "drug" there is. My father-in-law was terribly addicted to cigarettes. When he was bedridden in the hospital from heart attacks, strokes and emphysema (all smoking-induced) at age 52 he would still manage to find the strength to drag himself and all of his medical accouterments out of bed and into the bathroom to smoke every 2 or 3 hours (smoking in the hospital was prohibited, but he would try to hide it in the bathroom.) It was truly heartbreaking.

    Good luck to you!

    [This message has been edited by Greenberry (edited 09-30-2002).]

     
    Old 10-02-2002, 09:58 AM   #6
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    T-Bone-Mama, I'm sorry to hear your daughter has started a horrible addiction. I, too, smoke cigarettes every now and then, but never on a daily basis. Maybe 2-3 a week. Unfortunately, since she is 14 and either in the 8th or 9th grade, people are going to be carrying cigarettes around. It's so easy to get them it's ridiculous. There is a store in my city that cells cigarettes/liquor to teenagers all the time. Not that that bothers me, because a lot of people smoke/drink every now and then, and it's nothing compared to an addiction...but it sounds like your daughter - well, is. 3-4 cigs a day is not nearly as bad as a pack in one sitting, but it's bad enough. If I were in your shoes, I'd buy a book or print some pictures off the web that show people's lungs and people in the hospital - unfortunately, this may not help since for some odd reason teens feel they are invinsible. Another good place to go is w h y q u i t . c o m - This is a wonderful webpage and after I read a few stories, I decided I wasn't going to smoke again, and well, I really don't. It's rare that I have a cigarette. Maybe on the weekends. In the end, unfortunately, she is the only one who can stop. You can take her money and ground her by locking her in her room, but it's not like you can do that till she moves out...so it's a tough situation. I know I probably haven't helped you much, but I don't understand why your daughter would start up the habit when her grandma just died from it - strange...well please take care and I wish you the very best of luck with your daughter. Keep us posted.

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    Old 10-18-2002, 10:10 PM   #7
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    hey, just my two cents... i do not think that your daughter is addicted yet. 3 or 4 a day at 14, it seems like she is just doing it for the image. there may be some small amount of addiction, but i doubt much. she probibly wants to rebel against you, and fit in with others, or look like a rebel. believe me, i have been there. started smoking when i was about 14, just around friends when they gave me some. then i would get my own pack, and smoke them with friends, or sometimes just go outside of my house and smoke them. i was not addicted, i just wanted to fit in, i could have stopped easily, i just did not wnat to. when i could not get ciggerttes for a while, i felt no different then when i did have them. i did not have "cravings" for them, i just wanted them, if you can understand that. however, it will get worse... i started smoking more and more, and when i turned 16 and had a car, that is when i got truely addicted, smoking half to one pack a day. finally last year when i started college i quit, because i could not walk up stairs with out getting out of breath, and i was broke. so i guess in conclusion i am just trying to say that she can stop, she isnt really addicted, she just does not want to stop.

     
    Old 10-23-2002, 04:00 PM   #8
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    I started smoking very young myself. Boy, if I only "realized" then...You have said you took her money, but that did not help. You have to address thr real issue....What EXACTLY is going on that she is ABLE to smoke. Time alone without a parent. (I know this would have worked with me had someone actually put forth the effort to do it) Simply guarentee that she has "none-what-so-ever", time alone without one of the parents being there. If necessary, take vacation time off from work etc...you get the point.
    Good luck. One more thing...Stop it NOW because it will turn in to other things GUARANTEED

     
    Old 10-28-2002, 12:32 PM   #9
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    I started smoking when I was 10 years old and both my parents were non-smokers. I even had an aunt who died of lung cancer, although I never saw her at her worst. I am 22 years old and I had my last cigarette on March 22, 2001. It was hard. All my friends smoke and I have a hard time being around them now. Quitting smoking was the last of my addictions to kick and probably the hardest. I'm glad I did.
    However, I am here to offer advice to a mother who does not want her daughter to smoke. Don't yell at her...it won't help. It will only drive you apart. It is OK though to voice your concerns to her.
    One thing that I think is very effective is to somehow get her to volunteer at a hospice; and not just for one day. These people have so much to offer and they are REAL LIFE! Somehow you need to relate the realism of smoking to your daughter. This is the only thing that will make her stop.

    By the way, if she says 3-4 a day ti is much more.

    Good Luck!

     
    Old 10-28-2002, 12:33 PM   #10
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    I started smoking when I was 10 years old and both my parents were non-smokers. I even had an aunt who died of lung cancer, although I never saw her at her worst. I am 22 years old and I had my last cigarette on March 22, 2001. It was hard. All my friends smoke and I have a hard time being around them now. Quitting smoking was the last of my addictions to kick and probably the hardest. I'm glad I did.
    However, I am here to offer advice to a mother who does not want her daughter to smoke. Don't yell at her...it won't help. It will only drive you apart. It is OK though to voice your concerns to her.
    One thing that I think is very effective is to somehow get her to volunteer at a hospice; and not just for one day. These people have so much to offer and they are REAL LIFE! Somehow you need to relate the realism of smoking to your daughter. This is the only thing that will make her stop.

    By the way, if she says 3-4 a day it is much more.

    Good Luck!

     
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