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    Old 02-18-2015, 09:44 AM   #1
    froggie83
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    kids ignoring mom

    all the time.
    they are 2yr11mo and 4.5. nither one will listen to me anymore. i have to threaten discipline to get them to acknowledge that i have said anything only to have them not do as asked or do the opposite. dh does not have this issue nearly as bad as i do. they halfway liten to him.
    i am a sahm dh works 40-45 hrs a week. the only kid free time i have is for 2 hours one day a week when mil watches them so a can get groceries and lunch with another adult.
    they are sick of me.
    ds tells me often that he hates me, that he does not care about me and that he wishes i would go away forever.
    dd throws tantrums when i don't cave to her demands (some days she is in tantrums more than she is not. i don't always tell her no and i don't always give her waht she wants)
    what are some things that could be done to help me out here? i have read the book "123 magic" and use the parts of it that used to work. but feel like thats not working anymore. they just don't listen.

     
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    Old 02-18-2015, 04:59 PM   #2
    Titchou
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    Don't "threaten" discipline. Just tell them this is what will happen if you don't do as I say. And then first time they misbehave, no begging, no pleading, just enforce what you said....timeout, spanking, in room alone with no toys, whatever.

     
    Old 02-19-2015, 07:03 AM   #3
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    Hi,

    Good advice from Tichou,
    NO more threatening, firm punishment.
    They have to understand that bad behaviour warrants punishment.
    They are still young enough to control. (Cop this in the bud) as the saying goes or in a few more years they will be telling YOU what to do,

    Solofelix.

     
    Old 02-19-2015, 07:18 AM   #4
    froggie83
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    thank you for the replies, 9 out of 10 x the threat is followed thru. but the kids don't seem to care. i have tried all the discipline tactics mentioned but none of them make a difference.
    even positive reinforcement has failed.

    i have a degree in early childhood eduaction and everything i have been taught has not helped me get my own kids to listen and do as i ask. when mil watches them she boasts how good they are and how easy they are to watch and that they are well behaved and do as their asked... when we go to story time at the library they do well when someone else tells them what to do. (thank god my friend brings her daycare crew there too and knows my struggles, she treats my kids like they are in her daycare and we both pretend that i am not there and she is in charge... makes that hour go easier for me)
    so frustrating.

     
    Old 02-19-2015, 05:51 PM   #5
    Titchou
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    Why are you "asking" them to do something? "Tell" them. I was never asked by my parents to do anything nor did I ever ask my son or my nephew. Nor do I ask the children at the school where I work. I tell them. Eventually, they will either do what you tell them or spend an inordinate amount of time in time out. Either way - it doesn't matter...you're in charge. granted the younger one is a little young to totally get the program but the older one is a different story.

     
    Old 02-19-2015, 05:51 PM   #6
    Titchou
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    Why are you "asking" them to do something? "Tell" them. I was never asked by my parents to do anything nor did I ever ask my son or my nephew. Nor do I ask the children at the school where I work. I tell them. Eventually, they will either do what you tell them or spend an inordinate amount of time in time out. Either way - it doesn't matter...you're in charge. granted the younger one is a little young to totally get the program but the older one is a different story.

     
    Old 02-19-2015, 06:20 PM   #7
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    If I were the only one having this issue with them, I might examine my expectations of them. They are little kids; there are better ways to deal with them. Choose your battles, don't get all out of shape over untidiness etc. Stay calm, do not use punishment as such. State the consequence, eg no TV, toys, lunch, etc until you are obeyed. No anger or shouting, just let them come around to knowing that you mean it. When they throw a paddy about it, just shrug, I mean, who is going to judge you or even hear it. Don't join in the fuss, you are the calm grown up with all the power. You don't need to get stressed, they will eventually will decide they want lunch, lol. Sera

     
    Old 02-20-2015, 06:55 AM   #8
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    it really does not matter if i ask nicely, tell them nicely or yell at the top of my lungs they don't listen. if i took away lunch it would be past bedtime and they would still not do as their told. they do not give a crap what mom says. period.
    believe me i have tried every way i can think of to get these kids to listen and do as their told but its just not happening. and at nearly 3 yrs old i would hope that dd was with the program... i am not asking for book reports and perfect house cleaning, i am simply asking that they put their toys away when done with them, to not play on the stairs, to keep food in the kitchen. if a nearly 3 yr old can't get that then theres a problem. and i know she gets it, she will do it just fine if anybody else asks her to do it. it is only mom that they don't listen to.

     
    Old 02-20-2015, 08:33 AM   #9
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by froggie83 View Post
    it really does not matter if i ask nicely, tell them nicely or yell at the top of my lungs they don't listen. if i took away lunch it would be past bedtime and they would still not do as their told. they do not give a crap what mom says. period.
    believe me i have tried every way i can think of to get these kids to listen and do as their told but its just not happening. and at nearly 3 yrs old i would hope that dd was with the program... i am not asking for book reports and perfect house cleaning, i am simply asking that they put their toys away when done with them, to not play on the stairs, to keep food in the kitchen. if a nearly 3 yr old can't get that then theres a problem. and i know she gets it, she will do it just fine if anybody else asks her to do it. it is only mom that they don't listen to.

    Hi,

    I think they know that misbehaviour is going to "Wind You Up" and they are going to play on that.
    Have you had a whole day away from them just leaving them with hubby and ask his honest opinion of their behaviour when you return.
    If he finds their behaviour O.K. then it's obvious they know they are getting to you.
    Playing on the stairs answer (Close the door leading to the stairs)
    Food in the Kitchen (Close the door leading from the kitchen)
    There are answers if you are prepared to use them and stick by them,

    Solofelix.

     
    Old 02-25-2015, 08:24 AM   #10
    froggie83
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by solofelix View Post
    Hi,

    I think they know that misbehaviour is going to "Wind You Up" and they are going to play on that.
    Have you had a whole day away from them just leaving them with hubby and ask his honest opinion of their behaviour when you return.
    If he finds their behaviour O.K. then it's obvious they know they are getting to you.
    Playing on the stairs answer (Close the door leading to the stairs)
    Food in the Kitchen (Close the door leading from the kitchen)
    There are answers if you are prepared to use them and stick by them,

    Solofelix.
    there is no door to the stairs, and with the set up of the house a door is not possible. i have a baby gate installed but that does not stop these 2 monkeys. they climb right over it and run up the stairs anyway.
    there is no door to the kitchen, it is a 6 foot wide opening that would be wider if not for the fridge on one side... i want a gate of somekind to block this area but the kids would climb right over.
    and there is no way dh would ever watch the kids for a whole day and let me go out and do my own thing.. when i do go away for a bit he is calling me at the 2 hour mark wondering when i will be back. BUT i do have a bridal shower comming up that is out of town so i know i will be gone for about 6 hours if not more. and i am leaving the kids home with dh. so maybe i will have a chat with dh about their behavior then.

     
    Old 03-28-2015, 10:40 AM   #11
    Karin8312
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    Re: kids ignoring mom

    You spend very less time with your kids. May be that is the main reason for your children getting out of your hands. I would recommend you to stop punishing or hitting them. Take a day or two off and spend quality time with them where you can play, eat and do all the stuff together with no one else around. You will get the time to understand their emotions better and they will also understand that you are the best parent they could ever have.

     
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