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  • What am I dealing with?

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    Old 06-09-2018, 10:44 PM   #1
    Singmodel
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    What am I dealing with?

    I am with a man who is unemployed and won't get a job. He drinks beer on a daily basis starting at 9 am and continues until the evening. He relies on me to buy his cigarettes and food. He isn't an emotional person so he shares no feelings with me but repeatedly says love you like a broken record because he has nothing else to say. He has never put forth any effort to make me feel special like getting me a card or gift for any kind of occasion- no Valentines no birthday no Christmas nothing.
    He comes from a family that likes to fight and thinks that they're tough. Almost like bullies wanting to prove that they are rough and tough and don't take any crap from anyone. He caters to his father constantly as if he's going out of his way to please him. It's quite natural.
    He is a musician and will occasionally play a show with his band and I am a professional singer and yet he never asks me to perform with him or be involved with him in the group.
    He takes over the kitchen and wants to cook dinner every day and doesnt give me an opportunity to do anything.
    Very controlling and selfish. He has a grand image of himself and likes to brag about how much better he is than others.
    He is also a pathological liar and lies about things that don't matter or make a difference. If he's caught in a lie he tries to make me think I'm crazy by trying to confuse me. He never apologizes for anything.

     
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    Old 06-09-2018, 11:33 PM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: What am I dealing with?

    Why are you with this person? You will never change him, he surely thinks he is ‘normal’ if not better than anyone else. Picture your life in ten years time - with everything just the same, except that you have had the life totally drained from you. Head for the hills, don’t look back, you deserve to be loved and this man doesn’t do love. If you stay with him then it is totally your choice and you will just have to ‘suck it up’. Good luck, Sera

     
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    Old 06-09-2018, 11:40 PM   #3
    yayagirl
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    Re: What am I dealing with?

    Dear Singmodel,

    Self-centeredness isn't a disease and it can't be cured by anyone but the person that has it. You are giving him what he wants.

    My question is why are you with anyone like that?
    What are you getting out of this relationship?

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    Old 06-10-2018, 03:57 AM   #4
    MSNik
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    Re: What am I dealing with?

    Is this the kind of person who you want to wake up next to every day? It isn't going to change...only you can change your situation and future by leaving.

    You sound like you are pretty together...find someone who will appreciate you and move on. This is not a healthy relationship.

    Good luck.
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    Old 06-10-2018, 05:41 AM   #5
    52ken
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    Re: What am I dealing with?

    I have seen women do this way too many times. They can't seem to leave when they know they deserve better. Like almost everything, you have a choice but you have to follow through once you make it. Good luck.

     
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    Old 04-30-2019, 02:44 PM   #6
    rosequartz
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    Re: What am I dealing with?

    you ask what are you dealing with......I'll tell you
    at the very least you are dealing with a narcissist
    and possibly a sociopath......
    he's not going to change, don't let him drag you down.....

     
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    Old 05-01-2019, 10:08 AM   #7
    quincy
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    Re: What am I dealing with?

    The relationship "works" because you fit into the personality of it. Remove the you from it. Dont try to figure it out because you might tolerate it more than you already have.

    He learned the behaviour from his father, and him being submissive in that situation could be passive-aggressive, or he just knows his place. He then works on, takes out and hones whatever on you.....because he can.

    In home situation he can rule his domain. He sounds like he has tons of issues, insecurity being one and needing to prove something possibly. I do think narcissist as well. He might have depression, anxiety, etc.

    Have you ever told him to stop? Or how you feel? Have you brought up his family and its dysfunction, and how does he react?

    Please leave and seek counselling to build your own confidence and autonomy.

    q
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