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    Old 01-31-2005, 02:57 PM   #1
    Time2Heal
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    Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    I do- I get a new friend and then after a while-I stop calling and start making myself "unavailable" for them to reach. It is not an intentional thing but lately - as I am on meds and trying to heal I see this pattern I have always had. I am a great friend-when I am one.

    My drs and researching on the web- say it is a trust thing-when I feel like I am getting to close to a friend or boyfriend I automatically and unintentionally push them away. I can see that clearly now and hope I can change it now I see it. It has been over a year since I had a friend or boyfriend. I sometimes get lonely and wish I had someone to talk to but I just switch channels in my head and start reading on here-or researching.

    I guess this site is my friend-lol
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    Old 02-02-2005, 06:20 AM   #2
    Redhead23
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    When you say it is not intentional, do you MEAN to keep in touch with them, but just forget, are busy with other things etc? Or do you deliberately stop getting in touch with them because you are afraid they are getting close?

    Because if it's the first one (you want to stay in touch but forget or are busy) it's not particularly typical of BPD but the second one, while you may not INTEND to lose them as friends, breaking contact with them IS deliebrate.
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    Old 02-15-2005, 11:52 AM   #3
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    Oh my gosh, Caytie!! Your post is soooo me. It's crayzie! I was just diagnosed with bpd yesterday and I was scared and posted in the bipolar threads, because I did not know this one was here. I was doubting my diagnosis, but maybe he's right!!!

    But I am the exact same way as you, except it's very difficult for me to realize that.

     
    Old 02-16-2005, 08:21 AM   #4
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    My friend (whom I mentioned in a previous post) used to do that to me. She'd just kind of cut me off for months at a time. It used to hurt my feelings, then it made me mad, then when I learned about BPD, I just got used to it. Now I just let her have her space. LOL.

     
    Old 02-16-2005, 10:28 PM   #5
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    I have bpd and I do the same thing. The interesting thing is that two of my friends also have bpd so it's like a battle between the three of us. One will talk to me for two weeks straight online and then disappear for a month. The other will talk to me just about every other day on the phone and then we won't speak again for about 2 to 3 weeks. It's a never ending cycle. I do believe that it does have a lot to do with trust and not wanting to get too close to people.

     
    Old 02-22-2005, 08:41 AM   #6
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    My husband has BPD and I see this happening to him alot. Most of his friends are family so it is a double issue. He has uncles that he spends time with. If one of them is sick he will back completely off in fear with the reality that that person will someday die. In his younger relatives, he once in a while lets his true personality show in front of them, becomes somewaht embarrassed and then will back away. It is very very hard for him to sustain relationships.

     
    Old 02-25-2005, 09:04 AM   #7
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Time2Heal
    I do- I get a new friend and then after a while-I stop calling and start making myself "unavailable" for them to reach. It is not an intentional thing but lately - as I am on meds and trying to heal I see this pattern I have always had. I am a great friend-when I am one.
    Isn't this part of the very definition of BPD?

    I don't have it, but I had a roommate who did, and she did this same thing, over and over.
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    Old 03-11-2005, 08:01 PM   #8
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    I feel I have no friends. The old ones dont call anymore and the new ones are usually people who are interested in romance. Im sick of being without friends.....

     
    Old 03-17-2005, 08:01 PM   #9
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    I was diagnosed with bpd and today I disagree with the doctor who gave me that diagnosis.

    It's true that I forget to call someone back but then I've always have problems with memories.

    At least two doctors have decided I have bpd and the mental health in my area would not help me just because they *think* I have it.

    I don't usually forget so that's a way to disprove that I have bpd.

     
    Old 03-18-2005, 05:37 AM   #10
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by deaflegacy
    I was diagnosed with bpd and today I disagree with the doctor who gave me that diagnosis.

    It's true that I forget to call someone back but then I've always have problems with memories.

    At least two doctors have decided I have bpd and the mental health in my area would not help me just because they *think* I have it.

    I don't usually forget so that's a way to disprove that I have bpd.
    Could you please explain to me why forgetting to call someone should be related to BPD?!?!

    In borderline you actively reject people and see them as all evil as soon as they make a small "mistake" or say something you dislike, than you feel all alone again and desperately want them back again. That has nothing to do with forgetting to call people!
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    Old 05-12-2005, 07:49 PM   #11
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    Right here man. I have been doing that for years and years and I have lost a lot of great friends because of bpd. I have screwed up wonderful relationships, you name it.
    It's really hard not to when your brain is just functioning at that level. I usually end any friendship or relationship if they do one thing I don't like and I say to myself well they aren't worth my time forget it and completely cut them off...
    I wont even answer their phone calls and change my number if I have to. Part of BPD is not really knowing who you are or where you fit in, and you have to know who you are to know who you want around you, that's why people with BPD have such a hard time keeping people around. I can't say it gets better, but I have never been on meds for it and it still plagues me.

    Also, yes you really do want them around, but you feel forced to cut them off or create a situation to get rid of them. I still have dreams and temptations to become friends again with people i cut off long ago, but I have too much pride, it's very odd.

    Last edited by A_rafferty; 05-12-2005 at 08:04 PM.

     
    Old 06-24-2005, 01:23 PM   #12
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    call them, forget pride. let them in. wait a lot of time and get to know people very well before you trust them, and dont have your expectations too high. most people are not mind readers and us borderlines need to understand that and not put all our eggs in one basket. inevitably it all comes back to us and until we regard ourselves as important and we truly care what happens to us, the rollercoaster ride continues. all aboard!

     
    Old 06-24-2005, 03:03 PM   #13
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    I too do the same thing. I suffer such bad separation anxiety that whenever I feel that I am getting close to someone, I fear losing them to the point that I unconciously do things to draw them away from me.

    Unfortunately, I have also started to do this with my counselor (a big no-no!) But luckily, she is used to it, so she knows how to snap me out of it.

    With some behavioral therapy, I think it will eventually become easier to handle these situations. Hang in there!

     
    Old 07-15-2005, 09:18 AM   #14
    daqa
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    Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    I do this too.I also have BPD and have no friends anymore.I just have my husband and kids.I also do this with my family too.I hate being alone but I intentionally make myself alone.it sux and it furthers the depression and social phobia.I'm a complete mess and I hate it.

     
    Old 07-19-2005, 04:29 PM   #15
    Sustasha
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    Angry Re: Does Anyone Else With Bpd Have Trouble Keeping Friends?

    How strange. My daughter has bpd and rather than dropping friends she smothers them. She "drops in on" these people each day to the point that some have told her, "you come over too much." But then, those same people will turn around and call her, some endlessly. It's like They have bpd also. None of her friends seem like friends to me. They all "use" each other. They can't just enjoy being together, talking, joking. It's more like, "ok; what have you brought me today and/or where will you drive me today." It is possible that her friends have bpd also. They are usually one or more of the following at any given time: a) threatening to sue you; b) threatening to kill someone; 3) demanding she bring them a hamburger; 4) saying they may get arrested at any time 5) are running from or lying to authorities 6) I won't say.
    Then she says, "YOU DON'T LIKE ANY OF MY FRIENDS." Yes, this is true. But I don't have the Guilt about not liking them she thinks I should have. She thinks we're "all equal" and all have good qualities and no one is "better than" anyone else so she'll bring them over to our house knowing full well a couple of them Steal on a regular basis!! I don't get it I feel almost like she is pushing them up into my face and saying, "love this human being, mom."
    All I can think of is that she feels, "if my mother likes this person he/she must be AOK." So any idea I had of being happy and relaxed in my Golden Years does not exist.

     
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