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celtic frost 10-25-2005 02:08 PM

not sure what personality disorder I have

I'm a 30yo male whose always had bouts of severe depression and have always felt "different" from others, but I'm not sure if I actually have any type of disorder or if I should seek counselling. anyway, I wrote up sort of a personal inventory of myself:

- history of suicide attempts
- sexually abused
- fits of rage and anger (break, tear, squeeze stuff; punch walls)
- very short fuse and hypersensitive to criticism and humor directed at me
- when I get really mad at myself, I will clench my teeth together, scream obscenities and insults at myself, and slap my faceand head and pull my hair (but never pull it out). I've even rammed my head into walls a few times. (feel like an idiot afterwards, of course)
- general dislike of people; I've always been a loner
- constant lying
- never had close relationship with anyone (lost my virginity to a hooker)
- can't follow rules
- rarely finish "projects" I start
- impulsive
- compulsive masturbation
- I have weird ticks, like I often put the top part of my index finger of my left hand (near the knuckle) to my mouth and moisten it. then I sniff it. (gross and funny, I know...I don't know why I do that)
- I'm pretty emotional, but it usually involves only me; very self-absorbed. it's hard for me to empathize with others (like at funerals, etc.). just feel numb and bored when I try to "connect" with others.

now to be honest, none of these things really bother me that much. I don't feel bad or guilty or even shameful about them, but they have caused problems in my life (like my quick rage and not having close relationships with anyone). am I candidate for counseling? don't I have to "want" counseling for it to be effective? that's a dumb question, I guess.


Scared Wife 10-27-2005 01:08 PM

Re: not sure what personality disorder I have
Hi Celtic Frost,

The best way to learn which personality disorder you have would be to give the counseling a try. Only someone knowledgeable about these disorders can properly diagnose them. You do list a few items in your post that remind me of my estranged husband, who our psychologist highly suspected as having Borderline Personality Disorder but could not be 100% certain since my husband quit attending the sessions.

You may want to do a search on DSM IV Criteria, which describes the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. Although I have to admit, sometimes the more research you do, the more you find that 'this one' sounds like a possibility...then you read about something else and that sounds like a possibility as well. It can get pretty darn confusing and frustrating.

Good luck and keep posting. There is a lot of wonderful support on this board.

rosequartz 10-28-2005 12:55 PM

Re: not sure what personality disorder I have
sounds like BPD with a touch of NPD, narcissistic personality disorder

porcupine_tree 11-01-2005 07:50 PM

Re: not sure what personality disorder I have
I hear you, man. About 90% of the symptoms you suffer from, I also suffer from. The compulsive masterbation, fits of anger including screaming colorful obscenities, punching/ramming your head into a wall, and others. You aren't alone.

babydoll20 12-28-2005 04:30 PM

Re: not sure what personality disorder I have
I'm a pysch major, it sounds like Schizoid Personality Disorder to me. Do your symptoms interfere with your life? If so, you should seek professional help, and know your not alone. I just took a course in abnormal pyschology, and I'll take a stab at diagnosing you, however I am only a student and can't be positive.

DSM ( the DSM has 5 axis, each with its own diagnosis)
axis 1 - major depressive disorder (major disorder, if present)
axis 2 - Schizoid Personality Disorder, possible narcissistic personality disorder ( personality disorder, if present)
axis 3 - no medical problems caused by disorder
axis 4 - isolation from others, unable to form close relationships ( any social problems)
axis 5 - score unknown

If I were you, I would print off everything you wrote and took it with you to your doctor.

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