not sure what personality disorder I have
hello,
I'm a 30yo male whose always had bouts of severe depression and have always felt "different" from others, but I'm not sure if I actually have any type of disorder or if I should seek counselling. anyway, I wrote up sort of a personal inventory of myself:
- history of suicide attempts
- sexually abused
- fits of rage and anger (break, tear, squeeze stuff; punch walls)
- very short fuse and hypersensitive to criticism and humor directed at me
- when I get really mad at myself, I will clench my teeth together, scream obscenities and insults at myself, and slap my faceand head and pull my hair (but never pull it out). I've even rammed my head into walls a few times. (feel like an idiot afterwards, of course)
- general dislike of people; I've always been a loner
- constant lying
- never had close relationship with anyone (lost my virginity to a hooker)
- can't follow rules
- rarely finish "projects" I start
- impulsive
- compulsive masturbation
- I have weird ticks, like I often put the top part of my index finger of my left hand (near the knuckle) to my mouth and moisten it. then I sniff it. (gross and funny, I know...I don't know why I do that)
- I'm pretty emotional, but it usually involves only me; very self-absorbed. it's hard for me to empathize with others (like at funerals, etc.). just feel numb and bored when I try to "connect" with others.
now to be honest, none of these things really bother me that much. I don't feel bad or guilty or even shameful about them, but they have caused problems in my life (like my quick rage and not having close relationships with anyone). am I candidate for counseling? don't I have to "want" counseling for it to be effective? that's a dumb question, I guess.
thanks
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