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    Old 03-19-2010, 04:20 PM   #1
    toknowistoknow's Avatar
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    Red face borderline personality disorder- confused

    i got diagnosed with this over a year ago but the psychiatrist said that it was hard to diagnose and that not much is still known about this disorder. he referred me to DBT but i havent started yet (waiting list). for those of you familiar with this- does this seem normal:

    i want to do things but cant?
    like in my mind i know i want to do something but i cant force myself to do it no matter how bad i want it? like some weird block in my head that won't lift? what are your experiences with borderline? i just feel like it's a burden to have these mood swings and unstable relationships, i want release!

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    Old 03-20-2010, 03:33 AM   #2
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    Re: borderline personality disorder- confused

    Well, the first thing I will say to you, is never allow yourself to get caught up in labels. You were diagnosed with BPD, but it doesn't have to rule your life, nor does it have to define who you are. With that said, I was diagnosed with BPD some years ago.

    I'm not sure what you mean about a block, but at times I feel totally unmotivated to do something. If I want to do something, I usually do unless there is some physical reason why I can't.

    My symptoms of BPD were severe mood swings(literally happy one minute, sad the next), anger issues (had a LOT of difficulty controlling my temper), manipulative behaviors (such as trying to make others feel quilty because they wouldn't do what I wanted), difficulty expresing my emotions, difficulty making and maintaining friendships, difficulty maintaining relationships( because I tend to isolate and purposely push others away, but I've been with my husband for 13 years now, and married for 12 so don't let anyone convince you that just because you are BPD, you will never have a stable relationship, because you CAN have a stable relationship with the right person). Oh and a host of other symptoms, this is just scratching the surface.

    You have to learn ways to take control of your condition and not let it control you. This takes time, but it is NOT impossible. Took me many years to learn how to deal with it, and it's something that I struggle with daily, but it doesn't consume my life on the level that it once did. Just take it one day at a time.

    My best friend also has BPD, and she is having a very difficult time at the moment. So everyone is different when it comes to this condition, and how they choose to handle it is up to them.

    Old 04-30-2010, 10:16 PM   #3
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    Re: borderline personality disorder- confused

    Thank you for the post -- I completely know how you feel -- I have severe mood swings as well happy one minute and really depress the next all in the same day. Then I have extreme anger issues. I am in a relationship but it's so much harder for my partner. He is very understanding and patience but he is a human being.

    I was diagnosed with Post traumatic sydrome with borderline personality disorder. I am also in DBT and individual therapy now for a month -- and I know what a struggle.... the struggle everyday you have to go through. I found this site to be helpful -- I feel that I'm not alone....


    Old 05-01-2010, 11:22 PM   #4
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    Re: borderline personality disorder- confused


    It's like you just described me! It just hit me how manipulative I am too. I'm so glad I joined this board. I feel like I'm learning more about myself.

    toknowistoknow.....I am starting a DBT treatment program this coming week. It is hard to find for sure but I'm hopeful the more people are Dx and willing to talk about it and seek help, the options will grow. I get what you're saying about the block. I sometimes can't do even simple tasks and I will isolate myself and not attend social functions I know I'd enjoy if I could just do it. Is that what you mean?

    Old 08-14-2010, 07:10 PM   #5
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    Re: borderline personality disorder- confused

    Hey, good posts everyone - this has become a warm conversation about Borderline.

    I guess my input on this illness would be - its a matter of finding your own individual happiness from within. Learning to grow on internal validation instead of depending whole-heartedly on external validation. Although it is nearly impossible, AND unhealthy to exist in this world all alone in isolation without the confidence of strong social networks and supports to back us up - it IS; unhealthy to allow or expect any ONE person or social support to fill you up completely.

    In my personal experience - it has been the hardest part of overcoming some of my own obstacles, in learning to accept the fact; that NO one person will ever be enough to fill me up. I just crave that sense of satisfaction and love in a relationship. Doesn't matter if its male or female, old or young, etc... I just want that kind of, "untouchable love," that I seem to be so drawn to in mirage-like trances, that lead only to future problems. Not only does it mess me up, it seems to effect everyone around me in many negative ways.

    I know exactly what you're talking about when you say, "Its like I try to do something but I can't." Its as if - there is a mental block that doesn't allow something to happen; even though you know for a FACT - that it IS the correct answer to your impending situation / circumstance for which a choice has been given to you - that demands an answer.

    My explanation for that is - you are intellectually able to appreciate the FACT; that by getting out into the world and becoming involved with social supports and networks - it would be doing you GOOD. BUT, emotionally (And unfortunately with a stronger hold of your ability to control yourself) you simply cannot listen to your intuition or your logic - when your emotions bring about uneasy feelings of discomfort...

    Ever heard of the, "Fight or Flight Response?" Basically - when a difficult stressing situation or circumstance arises - people react two different ways. (Althought it is not ever limited to two ways) Either people will, "FIGHT," as in - they will deal with or attack the problem full force, choosing not to avoid or become hindered by the problem... Whereas - people will also take, "FLIGHT," as in - they will flee the problem and situation in order to protect themselves... Depending on what they have experienced in the past - and what they have grown to accept as the best way of dealing with troubling situations / circumstances - they will subconsciously return to their personally gained experience when dealing with difficult situations - and react accordingly to their own method of creating the best possible outcome for themselves, and or others.

    Now... My thoughts are - that when you avoid the need to do something, even when you know logically - that it IS the right choice for you to feel better... Your emotions take over (For whatever reason(s), reasons for which you should question and think about) which brings on the whole FIGHT or FLIGHT thing... Really look into that - and ask yourself, "Are you in control of yourself? Or is your past in control of you - by making you avoid fears and anxietes surrounding severely horrific past experiences?"


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