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    Old 03-27-2010, 02:07 AM   #1
    mattmc99's Avatar
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    Depression and / or BPD?

    Hi Everybody

    Recently I have been seeing a Psychologist regarding the breakup with my girlfriend.
    Due to the way the rlationship was, Idiolization, clingy, could not get enough of me, asking me constantly, even after a week of knowing her, if I loved her, then after some time together I finally told her I loved her and she would not believe me, sometimes when I said I loved her she would say she hated me, other times she ask how do you love me, 100% or just a little bit, she said she was falling in love then said the ''strange'' feeling she was having scared her, I have never known anybody thats falling in love call it a strange feeling.

    Because of this the Psychologist put it down to Borderline Personality Disorder. We broke up 2 months ago and although I have done everything I can do try and talk to her and fix the relationship she refuses to speak, refuses to answer my calls my emails and my messages. I have not had one single word from her in 2 months.

    I was close to her place last week and thought I wil just knock on the door and hopefully she will open it. She came to the door but just looked through the side window, she looked terrible as though she had not slept for a week, maybe she had been dozing in the chair, I dont know but it was only 9.30pm, pssible I guess.

    She was trying to say something through the glass and I could not hear her, after she said whatever it was she walked away and turned all the lights off. I wanted to give her the flowers I had in my hand, her bedroom window is next to the door, I stood there and just said I hope you are ok, I dont want to come in I just want to give you something. Suddenly she spoke, she was standing in the dark room by the open window, I could not see in but of course she could see out, she said she was ok and for me not to worry about her, I asked her to come to the door so I could give her something, she said she could not see my face and I could not see her like this. She seemed very upset and her voice was very low, because of the noise of the cars on the road I could not tell if she was actually crying or if not she was very close to it, she closed the window and walked away. I left the flowers there and left. I still have not heard one single word from her.

    After telling the Psychologist of this behaviour she has now told me that maybe my girlfriend has severe depression with a mild Borderline issue. Is this possible?

    The last day I saw her everything appeared to be ok, suddenly basically overnight she decided she did not want to see me anymore.

    We had begun to get close and she knew I was having deep feelings for her, I am wondering if she has had fear of engulfment or just relationship fears, I am so confused as to why she just changed overnight and will not answer me or speak to me.

    Any help here is much appreciated

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    Old 03-27-2010, 12:21 PM   #2
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    Re: Depression and / or BPD?

    My best advice would be trying to help her fix herself before concentrating on the relationship. Has she been on any medicine then stopped them? That would change her perception completly depending on the medicine she's on. She could be schitzophrenic and talking to herself through the window and not really to you. By boyfriend is schitzophrenic and refuses to take medicine so sometimes he gets in moods where I'm the enemy and doesn't trust me at all then go back to normal in a little bit. These mood changes and stages last for different periods of time for everyoen and sometimes won't get any better till the person is on medicine.
    That would explain why she doesn't believe you when you say I love you, her mind probably won't let her trust you.

    Old 04-25-2010, 06:58 AM   #3
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    Re: Depression and / or BPD?

    If you want to be with her, stand by. Let her know you're still here.

    Old 04-26-2010, 01:35 AM   #4
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    Re: Depression and / or BPD?

    Thanks for your message. I spoke to a friend of hers and was informed that she has given up her son's school, given up her job and is moving to another city to become a jehovahs witness. I could not believe what I was told that she would leave her house and job and take her son from his school and leave the place she loved so much to go to another city.
    I went to her place to ask her if it was true, she was angry at me and her friend for talking, but yes it is true. She told me she was moving because she wanted to attend Jehovas Witness and she had to leave her job as she worked in an army place and Jehovahs Witness are against War.
    The only job she could get was in another city so hence the move, so she said !!
    She would not tell me where she is going in that city, and just asked me not to be upset or worry about her.
    A few days before the move she called and asked to meet me, I thought maybe she wanted to talk, not the case, she brought everything I have ever given her back to me. I was so shocked I could not move, she even brought back a dinner set I had bought her, we had actually eaten of it !! it was all washed and packed in the box.
    That was the last time I ever saw her, she refused to answer my calls after that, I went to her house again and it was empty, she had moved out.
    Totally ****** off and totally confused as I just have no clue as to what brought this on, everybody I know things she has a screw loose, I feel really bad that they are saying it but what else can they say when such bizarre behaviour has taken place

    Old 08-12-2010, 07:25 PM   #5
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    Re: Depression and / or BPD?

    Hey Matt, you should be proud of yourself for searching external avenues for answers. It is good to know that you're looking out for your ex girlfriend, it is clear that you are capable of remaining true genuine friends even after she has neglected you the way you say she did.

    I would have to agree that she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I would also agree that she has depression, however - I'm assuming that her depression is the natural reaction to having broke up with you. Borderline people tend to get extremely low after a breakup or when they loose someone close to them. You may never find out exactly what happened that caused her to act the way she did towards you. Just remember to be non-judgmental the best you can, and accept the things you cannot change.

    I'll tell you something that just might help you out a little. I was in a very similar situation with a girlfriend recently and I find it odd just how similar it is to be quite honest... Scary. Anyway, my ex hasn't talked to me for over 4 months now, basically ending the exact same way that your relationship did. I was lost and confused about it, I went through the natural depression after breaking up with her and of course - went through guilt, denial, anger, and sadness... (As we all do)

    Truth is - there are two sides to Borderline Personality Disorder. It isn't always the clingy side that they exhibit in relationships. Usually they do the, "Push - Pull," attachment style... Which basically means - that they get really close to people, and when they get too close, or to a point where they suspect abandonment or getting hurt (which depends on their own personal perception of the situation and rarely has anything to do with you) they pull away. Ironically, to be honest - I can tell you from personal experience - that your ex is going through terrible pain from having distanced herself from you. Unfortunately it never seems that way until you're long gone and unwilling to answer HER phone call after she has ignored you for months... But trust me, I have borderline personality disorder, and if there's one thing she needs right now; it is SPACE. She needs that space to think things through - while knowing that you're always going to be there as a friend regardless of the reactive behavior she expells towards you from her uncontrollable emotional rollercoaster rides.

    Just remain as compassionate as you can, without letting it control or ruin your own well-being. She'll pull through, and like you said - the important thing is that she is safe in the end. Of course the relationship is over, but its good to hear that you are genuinely concerned for her safety and well-being. Continuing in your relationship with her would not be beneficial for either of you, at least at this point in time. She needs some support, be there as a friend - be the model of a dog, "unconditional love," is the staple for helping Borderline people get back on their feet and live healthy balanced lives.

    Anyway, give her space. Don't push her in anyway. She already knows that you're there for her if she needs you. Check in on her from time to time, don't be too involved. Take some time and space for yourself and make sure to sort out your own mind and maintain stability in your own life. (Trust me, it may seem like things are okay and good in your life, but foundations tend to crumble at the least expected times)


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