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  • I may have BPD ...should I end my relationship?

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    Old 11-16-2010, 09:37 AM   #1
    talaina's Avatar
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    Location: Fairfield, CT, USA
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    talaina HB User
    Question I may have BPD ...should I end my relationship?


    I have been reasonably certain for the past 2-3 years that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, although I have never been diagnosed. Constant fear of abandonment, a long progression of unstable friendships that I can never seem to hold on to, various impulsive behaviors as a way of coping with my emotions (including self-injury), intense, frequent and inexplicable mood swings, and a terrible hatred for and confusion about myself...all of this has been going on most of my life (I am now in my 20s), and BPD is the first thing that has ever made sense to me as an explanation. However, at this point my insurance will probably not sufficiently cover any kind of therapy at all, and this combined with my financial situation makes the likelihood of me getting help soon pretty small. Even if I could get some therapy, for obvious reasons I am extremely hesitant to bring up BPD, since, as far as I can gather, I'd be likely to lose my therapist and open a real can of worms.

    I have now been in a fairly-serious relationship for a year and a half. My boyfriend and I were friends for 3 years before dating and he knew how I could get, however, he didn't know to what *extent.* It's only really been within the last year or so that I have opened up enough to let him fully see the mood swings etc. He is going through a difficult time of his own and while sympathetic has found ways to make it clear he is reaching his breaking point. I have tried to internalize everything but that has resulted in us having, instead of an unhappy relationship, no relationship at all.

    I have spent more time lately reading, again, about BPD, and I feel even more certain that I have this disorder. I've also seen a lot of the pain, frustration, and anger expressed by families/SOs of BPDs. I love my boyfriend, and obviously the idea of being alone, without him, is enough to send me in a panic, but I also don't want to be responsible for *destroying* him--which it sounds like, if I have BPD, I will. I'm seriously considering whether I should break up with him before I do anything worse to him.

    Can anyone with BPD, or who has dealt with BPD (or frankly anyone at all) shed any light on this? Is this the right step to take? And if anyone's been in this situation, do you have any suggestions on how to handle it?

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    Old 11-25-2010, 08:18 PM   #2
    Join Date: Dec 2006
    Location: Ventura Co. CA, USA
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    zencat HB User
    Re: I may have BPD ...should I end my relationship?

    I would let your BF know what your thinking about yourself and see if he has the same ideas about you as you have about yourself.

    I know with my PD I cant trust my thinking. I have to ask my GF what she thinks when I worry that I'm having troubles that might effect her and mine's relationship. Many times she doesn't see where the problem is. Sometimes I get so into my head that I lose sight of what others are experiencing about me.

    Old 11-27-2010, 06:22 PM   #3
    RunninMT's Avatar
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    Location: Nampa, Id, USA
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    Re: I may have BPD ...should I end my relationship?

    I am a nonBPD that is running from my BPD wife. If you are diagnosed with BPD, then a therapist should answer the question.
    I am glad to see that you are reaching out. That is healthy.
    As for your boyfriend, he may need to get help too.
    My experience with my BPDwife was getting bad and soon got worse when she tried suicide. I stayed for awhile and soon feared that BPD would end our relationship sooner or later. I was not willing to be abused while she was in a long term treatment program that I understood had a high chance of relapse.
    I am trying to get well from years of abuse that seemed to sneak up on me before I could even realize it.
    I believe that a relationship would distract me (a nonBPD) in my recovery. I am willing to stay out of relationships for a year or more.
    I am positive that my BPDwife should not be in any relationship until she has proven stability for at least a year or two. If she does get to that point, then I would hope a limited approach in future relationships is practiced. More importantly, she should not ever try to rekindle any old relationships.
    I hope to hear about your journey to a better way to live.

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