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I don't know where to post this...

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Old 05-20-2012, 09:05 AM   #1
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Indonesia
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Vaselin123 HB User
Question I don't know where to post this...

This is my first post here so, first and foremost, hello
So before I start, I'm still a teenager. 16 years old to be exact and is a girl. I also came from a broken family...
I go to school like any other normal person but it seems that I have problems gaining friends. I just can't bring myself up to talk to them as I'm scared of their reactions. The friends that I have now either came up to me first or was introduced to me by another friend...
I also don't like to be seen alone. This problem is quite troubling... Once, my friend didn't come to school as she had to attend a funeral and believe it or not, I cried and ended up skipping too the next day. In my head, when I am seen alone, people will think that I'm lonely and pitiful or simply don't have any friends.
Earlier today, my sister called me a "no-life". She had said it jokingly and I realized that but my heart started to race and my breathing became hitched. Afterwards, there were this running thoughts about how people can be so judgmental about things.
To add to that, I cry quite a lot and can suddenly get depressed for a reason I myself don't know.
Thoughts of suicide came up to me at times but I never seriously thought of doing it since dying scares me. I guess those thoughts gave me a sense of control.
"Hey, when things get way too unbearable, you can always end it." Stuffs like that.
Things also work the other way around. Instead of being suicidal, I become homicidal. The thoughts were the same. When people get too mean, I can always finish them off.
I'm sorry if it was long... I sounded "ill" huh? I would really appreciate some advice regarding this. Just to help me shade some light on my problem...
Thanks for your time..

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Old 06-14-2012, 11:23 PM   #2
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Re: I don't know where to post this...

I'm sorry that you're so young and yet having these kinds of problems in your life. People have disappointed you it sounds like, and made you feel bad about yourself. One thing you have to realize is that what you feel now is not what you will feel the rest of your life. When you're young perceptions of things are very different. When I was in school, I felt like I was in jail. I was so self conscious and shy. Once I got out of school, a whole other world opened up to me, and I felt so much freer.
It is important to have at least 1 person in your life that you can really lean on for support. If you don't have that person now, its vital to find one. I'm not qualified to help you to understand what it is that may be wrong, so that is why it would be good for you to talk to someone, whether it is a school counselor, or a professional. I have also found that the Bible has helped me to have a calmer spirit, so if you could sit down and read a little bit of it, it may help you more than you know. I recommend the book of Psalms or Proverbs, but you can just open it up and start reading anywhere.
If it helps, a lot of people at school or even adults feel lost, and maybe they have some of the same feelings you might be having, but maybe they are good at hiding it too. You aren't the only one to feel this way, I know that, and yet, we have to find a way to cope with these feelings that we have. People can be mean and judgmental, but we need to find people that believe in us, and I'm sure there are people that believe in you- you need to find those type of people to be around. I found someone when I was your age, and you can too.
I wish you all the best,


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