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asextual phobia of sex?

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Old 05-13-2007, 04:17 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Kingston, Ontario
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son1981 HB User
Unhappy asextual phobia of sex?


I have a serious serious issue. I cannot and never want to get sextually close with anyone even if i am attracted to them. But at the sametime I am able to (Pleasure myself) I just dont ever wannna or to scared or grossed out by getting sextual with another person. I have done it before but i just never want to. I am a gay male so maybe that has something to do with it but my idea of a perfect relationship doesnt have to involve sex. Ive always had this issue and im 26 i have never talked to anyone including my shrink about this. I just dont understand it. Ive had many pple interested but i just have always gotten creeped out by getting to close. Does anyone know what this issue is and how i can help myself?
Im tired of beign like this i want to be with someone but i fear that im gonna go my whole life like this because i cant and dont know how to adress the problem? Someone anyone out there that can help me??

I ad mit i might have some insecurities about myself which my prevent me from getting close but EVERYONE has that and many people are way way worse off then me but dont seem to have a problem. Its like as though im content with just filling my sextual pleasure in a "fantasy world" but im worried im gonna always be alone this way? I suffer with OCD depression and anxiety and im on 80 mgs of prozac because of it.


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Old 05-14-2007, 07:31 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: pennsylvania
Posts: 1,351
jen52983 HB User
Re: asextual phobia of sex?

I would bring it up to your shrink. The meds you're taking for depression may be effecting your sex drive. Also, if you have anxiety and insecurities, that could definitely effect your state of mind. Yes, everyone has insecurities, but they effect everyone differently. I think you need to work out those with yourself first. You have to be comfortable with yourself in order to be comfortable with some one else.

I would defintely talk about it with your psychologist though. Not only will they be able to help you with your insecurities, but they will also know if your anxiety, OCD and depression may be effecting you as well, and if the meds are.

Don't be ashamed or embarrassed to bring this up with a professional... they've heard it all! I'm sure your problem is more common than you think.

I think the only way you will overcome this fear is to talk about it.

Old 01-23-2009, 08:22 PM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1
babaa976 HB User
Re: asextual phobia of sex?

Dear friend,

As I read through your posting, felt like I am looking myself in a mirror. However, there are few core differences- I am NOT depressed NOR have any type of anxiety, I never needed nor talked to a shrink and never had any type of medication for any thing. I am very happy, calm and over achiever in my studies and work. Although I do sometime wonder why I am so different than others?

I am in my 40s, a gay male, and just like you I never want to get sexually close with anyone even if I am attracted to them. I, too, scared or grossed out by getting sexual with another person. To me- my asexuality never became an issue with me- may be because I regularly meditate since my childhood (at the age of 4), very well understand the difference between loneliness and aloneness. Some time I thank GOD because I do not have to go through the heart breaks, spouses fights and way too much spending time in searching “The One” in life. Life is to be lived in the moment and within. The happiness is within and can not be brought through some one or by some one. Please accept your condition, focus on exploring your inner true self which is pure, complete and silent. Hope my life example help.

All the best,

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