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commitment phobias

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Old 06-20-2003, 12:56 PM   #1
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 44
justlikeyou HB User
Post commitment phobias

Ever been in a relationship with someone who had one of these? How can I change my guys mind? he thinks of relationships as a punishment but I see them s pure can i make him see?

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Old 06-21-2003, 01:45 AM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Wichita, KS, Sedgwick
Posts: 82
cttwins HB User

This is a hard one. I don't really know how to make some one see the "bright" side to commitment. I would just have fun with him and give him space. If he has fun with you he'll want to spend more time with you and be commited with out knowing it!! Good Luck

Old 06-23-2003, 08:16 AM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: VA
Posts: 94
USCRooster HB User

Having been there, here are my thoughts. I dated someone for three years, and I am sure she would have labeled me commitment-phobic. The unfortunate truth was that while I loved her and really liked being with her, I was always wondering if there was someone else who would be better for me. The comfort of being in the relationship was strong enough that I couldn't break up with her. To make a long story short, after one of our commitment talks she finally broke up with me; and while we were both heartbroken, we were also relieved. Two years later, we were both happily married to other people.

I won't go so far as to say that he can't be changed. But you are going to have to level with him and give him a choice. As comfortable as the relationship might be, it is going to hurt more (and you will feel angry about having wasted so much time) if you let him drag this out for months or years with no intention of making a commitment. So tell him how you feel and where you stand. Find out what his goals are. Does he intend to get married some day? If not, then you have your answer. If yes, then at what age/has he thought about kids, .... At that point, you should compare his time-frame with your own. If they don't match up, then it is time to move on.

The harsh reality is that when a guy is able to commit to being in an exclusive relationship but afraid to commit further (after a reasonable amount of time), it usually means that he is not sure about the relationship.

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