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  • Overwhelmed



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    Old 11-25-2015, 11:32 PM   #1
    dunin
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    Overwhelmed

    I am very tired. Too many things going wrong all at the same time...wan smile. Don't know which is worse the pain or the ptsd.

    My sister died in 1983 of lymphoma. Although 6 years my senior people always got us mixed up. They thought we were twins. I could always tell when people knew her after her death because all the colour would drain from their faces, they would falter, gasp...should have been me. My kids would have been okay. Life is so often stupid. Ptsd and having a particularly bad time right now. Sorry. I know how disjointed this post is, and I apologize for that as well. Between the pain in my neck and head, the incredible poverty, the nightmares from ptsd, the endless suffering and isolation of my sons and myself I am a little bit out of it.

    Had she lived my youngest would have been able to get the physio he needed for the ankylosing spondilitis, my eldest would have been able to see a psychiatrist for the ptsd. They would have had good food, shelter, and as much love as I can give them. Why should I have survived, with nothing to sustain them? I have been sick all my life, yet here I am. My sister died when she was only 36, and I just turned 63.

    I am so tired of the suffering. The needless, ridiculous, suffering.
    I was so sure when I was younger that the help I needed would be there. It never has. I had no right to bring two wonderful children into this world. None, but I really did not know. I did not know that arthritis ran in the family.

    I did not know that I suffered from severe neglect. It was the only life I had. Never occurred to me that I was abused. Always told not to tell anybody. I hate secrets. Don't tell anyone that you have nothing for breakfast. Don't say anything to anybody about hiding in the bathroom terrified to leave my hiding place. Never taken to a doctor no matter what.

    When I was 9 I would sit in my little nightie looking out of my bedroom window and imagine flying through the air, over the treetops.

    Going out past midnight, walking in the nearby woods. The moon, the trees, the tiny creatures of the dark night my companions. If I couldn't go out at night I would leave before anyone woke up and just disappear, as often as possible. Come home at dinner, or later.

    Sorry...Just tired...very tired...can't seem to stop feeling sorry for myself tonight. All things pass. I know this, but too much going on right now.

    Last edited by Administrator; 11-30-2015 at 08:11 AM.

     
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    Old 11-26-2015, 05:44 AM   #2
    dank12345
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    Lightbulb Re: Overwhelmed

    You have a very strong and powerful brain which is just slightly on the wrong track due to difficulties of life many of us go through. You can switch your powerful brain to work extremely well for you. Here is what can help. Cognitive behavioral therapy, neurofeedback, meditation and overall change of thinking to positive thinking.

    Last edited by Administrator; 11-30-2015 at 07:18 AM.

     
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