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  • PTSD caused me to become a hypochondriac



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    Old 04-30-2018, 03:11 AM   #1
    jena88
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    PTSD caused me to become a hypochondriac

    I have been newly diagnosed with PTSD 7 years after the trauma that has done so much damage on my mental and physical health. The worst part about all of it is because my situation is specific and leaves me in a bad position to get the help I need.
    I underwent trauma when giving birth to my first and only child. After she was born, I became afraid of doctors, medications, illness, symptoms. Pretty anything that can occur when undergoing ANYTHING HEALTH AND LIVE RELATED. I’m stuck. I don’t want anything bad to happen to me but I’m scared of getting the help I need in case I actually am sick. I’m working right now with a licensed cousiler and soon to be working towards trauma therapy. But I’m stuck.
    Recently, I began undergoing horrendous symptoms from what seems to be alllergies. Constant post nasal drip, nausea, congestion strictly (no runny nose/itchy), heartburn, vision issues, sinus pressure, lightheadedness. It has triggered multiple anxiety attacks out of me. At LEAST one or two a day at most 6-7 attacks. I rush around trying to determine its only allergies and how I’m not dying but am petrified of seeing a doctor or taking medication to help it.
    Another big factor into my ptsd is that I suffer 24/7 depersonalization. It started the day my daughter was born and has never gone away. My beautiful child needs me and I feel like I’m failing her by remaining glued to my couch unable to barely move or leave the house due to everything. I’m crying every day. I’m losing my entire life and I don’t know how to break out of any of this. I want relief from these symptoms. I don’t wanna be anxious every single day. It’s worsened since the beginning of April. Help?? What do I do??

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    Old 04-30-2018, 06:32 AM   #2
    yayagirl
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    Re: PTSD caused me to become a hypochondriac

    Was it the actual giving birth that was the traumatic experience? How does that specific situation make you unable to not get help? are you referring to medical help when you need it? I'm just trying to understand exactly what you mean.

    Why wait; you can just do it...deal with the trauma therapy. Fear is just an emotion. Fear cannot hurt us except when we refuse to look at it mentally. You already live with fear and know what it is from and why you have it. That's a great position to be in. I had severe PTSD that was so deep I only had the fear but no memory. I didn't know what was wrong with me or why. When I finally began recognizing something wrong really did happen I was able to with a therapists, begin to look at what happened. Knowing what happened is what aids us in understanding that each subsequent experience is not the same as the original experience. You are not insane. You are normal. Talking about the past with an experienced therapist helps us put the past where it belongs ; in the past.

    The past has no power to hurt you right now. You are in the present. I know we don't even want to remember sometimes. However it is remembering what caused a trauma that protects us in the present and the future, so we can avoid certain circumstances.

    Not facing the past is exactly like walking around with a blindfold over our eyes and wondering why we are bumping into things (or people) and are getting hurt, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

    Memories made me face the past, but facing the past gave me back my mind and control in my decisions. I made some very dysfunctional relationships with dysfunctional people in the past. After therapy (which took six months, two visits a week) I clearly understood where I was coming from and so could see clearly where I was walking in life so I could easily avoid further trauma and trouble. I can see what is a healthy relationship and what is not and avoid those. This includes being able to determine and choose for myself what medical procedures I want to try and which professional I want to use. No I make those decisions. I also made a decision and recorded who I want to make decisions for me if I am unable.

    The result of therapy is to be able to take control of our own selves. That is healthy-thinking. We cannot control anything outside of our own minds. so always we need to learn to take the reins over our own lives. That I was able to do it with help from a great therapist tells me that anyone can.

    You can do this. You can get control of your own mind, no matter what happens or needs to happen (such as surgical care) around you.

    Love,
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

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    Old 04-30-2018, 07:25 PM   #3
    jena88
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    Re: PTSD caused me to become a hypochondriac

    Thanks so much for the love and encouraging words.
    The trauma was from giving birth, yes. The birth was bad. I was hemeraging and the safety of the baby was uncertain. I was also raised in an environment that was incredibly sheltered. I didn’t understand or know what all could happen to your body. Growing up, being sick was a good thing because no school. The details were never discussed. So I was rushed to the hospital where I didn’t understand what was going on, I was scared for my well-being, the doctors tried keeping things away from me. It threw me over the edge and I now can’t help myself whenever I’m sick and need treatment. I’m scared of doctors offices and doctors themselves. Whenever I go, my blood pressure is bad because I’m so afraid. Then I get even more afraid. I’m so afraid of not being in control. So when I get sick, instead of getting what I need, I search countless hours on the internet to determine I’m not sick with some life changing thing and then try to move on.

    I’m working hard on my trauma therapy now but the depersonalization just makes me feel like I’m not even alive. It’s so terrifying. Living is terrifying. So far, none of my techniques to help that has helped me.

    It’s awful to feel badly every day and feel like I can’t go get treatment I need because of doctors. I wish I just had a nurse who came to me who could just treat me themselves. No scary doctor rooms. No blood pressure checking. None of it. Not until I get a grip on myself over this trauma..

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    Old 05-12-2018, 03:14 PM   #4
    yayagirl
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    Re: PTSD caused me to become a hypochondriac

    You're very welcome. Let me encourage you some more. You can do like I do, which I have a primary care doctor of my own choosing. I explain to each doctor I see that I value and want to know professional opinion so I can make my own decisions. If they agree, they are my doctor. If they don't want to be questioned, I move on. I find that most doctors appreciate a patient that can both listen and take responsibility for her self.

    Facing your fears is not about going where you were afraid (to a medical facility). It is about going there in your mind with a safe person, in a safe place. A room that is not a medical facility, with a trained counselor or psychologist.

    That is where you can relax and relive the bad experience in a safe place, so you can refocus and see it in a new way...for instance that the biggest fact of the situation is that your lives were saved.

    The biggest factor was not the pain or fear. The biggest factor is that your lives were saved and you are safe now....you can get your mind on the fact that while that incident was horrible at the time, because of the doctors you are now safe. It's about realistically looking back and not about 're-living'. Right now you are still in the 're-living' stage.

    But in reality you are not actually re-experiencing the trauma. It did happen, but it is over with. It is not your present reality. What is reality is that you were saved by medical personnel at a medical facility.

    What you have doing is living now as if you are in the past. That is why you have not been able to step forward. You need to revisit the past in a safe place with a safe person so you can look at the past as it is - the past. It isn't now..

    You can kiss that old ghost of an experience good-bye. It is like a scary dream. You wake up, see the sunshine and all is well, and you think about other things.

    You can do do the work of retraining your own mind. I am just one of countless examples of someone that looked straight at the past and laid it aside. Because the truth is you lived because of those doctors.

    It is the same thing as writing spelling words 100 times to imprint the brain. But it's up to you to do your own work in that regard. Unfortunately there is no pill, no surgery, there is no one else but you that can CHOOSE to change how you look at the past. Those medical persons saved your life out of what otherwise would have been a tragedy. Instead what you have is LIFE. The past is a ghost that you are inviting to haunt you. It really is our own choice what we look at.

    I think it is natural to be apprehensive of the unknown. The flesh always feels somewhat 'nervous' even in the good new things. That feeling is the same feeling we call excitement when we anticipate something good. An example is an artery in my leg that goes to my heart stopped functioning. Nowadays a doctor can remove that vein and re-route the blood back to my heart. It is not without risk. It is not without pain. But because I faced the past and I have experience now with facing things, I know how to make myself relax, how to dwell on the good that will come from this new experience, and trust that I will get through it. I did my due diligence with searching for the best doctor possible, and so I am willing to face it. Do I feel at all apprehensive? Of course. That is part of being alive. But it is the same feeling as expecting my children to come for Mother's day. I'm hoping they make it here safely and that we all have a great time together. I know they will be traveling, and anything can happen before they get in the car, or while they are in the car, or while they are here....do you see what I am saying?
    But I am not creating a tragedy in my mind before they even arrive.

    What you have been doing is called 'borrowing trouble' in present and future situations where trouble has not happened. You are fearing ghosts that do not exist. 'maybe' is not an absolute. The doctor that helped me see the truth about my mental processing helped me see that I can control what is on my mind now and stop living in the past.

    I have no power to make you face the present. But I hope you are encouraged to stop living in the past. That's all I have to share about it. It's up to each of us to do the work of self-control, and choose what we dwell on.

    I grow a flower garden of my favorite colors and that is what reminds me of the good things in my life. What can you think upon to remind you of the good things in life?

    Love,
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

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