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    Old 11-01-2018, 05:55 PM   #1
    babydollrox's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Location: Melbourne
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    babydollrox HB User
    Flashback Question

    Right, so, more and more frequently, I've been getting these flashes, flashbacks, I suppose, of occasions from my childhood. But, they aren't of traumatic, or even eventful moments in my childhood per say, just... moments. But always the same 2 or 3 moments keep flashing into my mind without any sort of trigger... these are moments that I have never given any thought to in 20 years, and hold no significance to me. For example, one is of me at a friends house, playing in her back garden, and another is of a family member's 90th birthday party we went to in York. I would have been 8 for the party, and perhaps 10 for the friend's house.

    I can't understand why these completely random memories are repeatedly popping into my head untriggered or unprompted, 20 years after the fact, and more and more frequently so. Is my mind trying to tell me something, or piece something together?

    There is a strong possibility that there was sexual abuse in my childhood that my mind has blocked out, I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 20, after a series of events where I went out and got myself raped or sexually assaulted so that I could get attention out of being a "victim" from maternal figures in my life which I became overly attached to, these started when I was 14. Severe self-esteem & identity issues haunted me in my late teens and early 20s, now mostly asymptomatic after some therapy and a lot of self help. I also have Vaginismus, Vulvodynia & am unable to have sex, also can't reach orgasm, (good thing I'm single!) my gynecologist believes I suffered some sexual abuse in my childhood, and I guess I've had kinda of flashes to support that, but much vaguer than the ones I've described above

    I came to accept a long time ago that I would never get answers. I had to let it go. But these flashes... is my mind trying to tell me something? Are they significant?

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