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Sometimes I wonder if the counseling is traumatic

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Old 11-20-2004, 05:13 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: miami, Florida
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wannabehotguy HB User
Sometimes I wonder if the counseling is traumatic

Because I went in there for certain traumatic abuse that my parents did to me. Then i went into counseling and was treated as if I was a pathological liar and treated as if I made everything up and how dare I be a victim. Also they treated me as if I was displacing everything that I hated about myself into my parents. My parents are already grown up and developed how is it possible for there child to ruin and traumatize there lifes. I was a PERFECT kid...all I wanted was my parents to see that I existed and that I had ideas, and intellect and humor. I did not get validated or achnologed...and when I asked for it was punished (screamed, yelled out, told that I was selfish and cussed at).....when I went into counseling I explained that to some counselors over and over again what had happened to me and they looked at me with cold concrete eyes repeating everything I say if I was a liar. They were parroting me making me feel more and more worthless. Now I have mental images of those situations of trying to get somebody to empathize and SEE my point of view and be OK with how bad I was treated and to help me help myself.....that is ALL that I wanted or asked for....I have mental images of counselors looking down on me with cold eyes and neglecting the important and factual information that I brought I feel occasionaly depresssed only because of those mental images that are programmed into my mind now. I want to desperatly eject them from my mind. Can anybody help me?

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Old 11-20-2004, 08:32 PM   #2
Join Date: Sep 2004
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Soulcatcher HB User
Re: Sometimes I wonder if the counseling is traumatic

I have to say that I have been to a few counselors that "had no clue" Almost like they faked the tests to graduate from phycology. Some are just in it for the money. They hear story after story after story and many of the people they see probably do make up stories or they wouldn't have a problem, they may be trying to test you to see if you break up your story. Did you go back to the counselor? These are serious accusations that you bring up against your parents. Sometimes kids or teenagers make up things or make them worse then they really are so the counselor may have been trying to figure this out. You can go to 100 counselors, that's your choice until you find one that is good for you. Don't give up. You may be able to find a suport group for abused children, I found that group meeting like that really helped alot, such great support and I was against it at first.
My mother cussed at me, hit me, said things that flat out wrong and she still deny's it for this day. My therapy is to feel sorry for her and know that one day she will be judged. Good luck to you. Remember we are here to talk to.

Old 11-22-2004, 01:50 PM   #3
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: miami, Florida
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wannabehotguy HB User
Re: Sometimes I wonder if the counseling is traumatic

For the persons above. I was a young adult when I went into counseling not a kid making up stories. I went on my own without anybody saying I needed it or suggesting it. The two counselors used a tone of voice that was like "who cares that is no big deal" almost a cheery tone of voice like "Ohh everybody goes threw that. THat is nothing. Get on with your life". The reason why I felt more and more worthless is because she repeated me word for word about the terrible things that happened to me. INstead of having compassion, or providing options for solution or helping me to raise my self esteem. Basically it was like talking to a machine that repeated everything back at me and mirrored my worthlessessness. Understand now? PRetend your in my shoes telling somebody the most honest truthful tragic secrets of your life and then the person is just stone cold repeating everything as if it is no big deal and making me feel like I was the one who distorted and misjudged everything...that everything circumstance that made me feel traumatized was make believe and that it was never real. I was in counseling on and off for almost 2 years....and I felt like I was more and more to blame and that nothing was gettting through to the counselors. I am a University educated person myself and in my opinion it is better to believe in the person who is claiming trauma and abuse so that the treatments or interventions can begin instead of just repeating word after word without any treatment or intervention. Basically she said that I had to come up with all the ideas about how to get better....therefore I did which prolonged my healing by years....instead of her helping me with the psychological knowledge and widsom that she had she left me on my own....overmirrored my tragic case and ignored my hard driven and responsible and sincere qualities. I have helped myself by reading psychotherapy books that people getting their PHds read and I've been using a ton of techniques and methods on me and have experience more uplifting and healing work than ever....all thanks to me.

Old 11-22-2004, 01:56 PM   #4
Join Date: Jun 2003
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wannabehotguy HB User
Re: Sometimes I wonder if the counseling is traumatic

Also one of the problems with healing is rationalizing other peoples wrongs. If I percieve somebody as chronically wronging me or getting the information wrong and the person is a counselor...then making a list of explanations WHY that person acts that way...such as "Ohh kids make up stories and it is a big deal". Well what is worse having the parents be embarrassed about a LIE? Or having the really abused child who is now an adult commit suicide or develop personality disorder or become addicted to is better to TREAT the patient instead of assuming ALWAY that they are lying as was in my case. It is also good to get the client to understand that lying does nothing but make matters worse and that in counseling they will have to collaborate on fixing the liar's problem of lying IF THAT was the good to honest real problem.
One time I brought up something really traumatic- in school after PE class a kid was spitting phlem all over me and my body froze and I completely spaced out and numbed out as the kid spit phlem all over me over and over again. The counselor burst out laughing and then said not to make up stories...also she said that if that really happened why didn't I stop the kid or make him stop. The point is I said stop but I was too parlyzed to fight back....I went to the water fountain to rinse my face and head of the phlem and the kid followed me there only to spit more on me. This is the type of trauma I went through which created intense innner stress that was NEVER healed. I told that counselor that in complete trust...and to get laughed it was like a dagger into an already opened wound. That is why I went into counseling to heal, to get better, to resolve, to grow and develop....but instead got blame and apathy from the counselors.

Last edited by wannabehotguy; 11-22-2004 at 02:00 PM.

Old 12-03-2004, 03:41 PM   #5
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: UK
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darkness_star HB User
Re: Sometimes I wonder if the counseling is traumatic

i felt a councillor was worse for me, saying how life could be better and u'd forget about it...It will always be with you...thats the way that i see it. but sometimes it better to get it out and talk to a complete stranger.

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Old 12-05-2004, 07:13 AM   #6
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goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: Sometimes I wonder if the counseling is traumatic

I really believe that therapy is a long involved process-that unless you feel entirely confident/comfortable w/ the Dr. you are working with-and are willing to keep your head/heart open-there will be no growth/resolve-etc..
This relationship must be built on trust in the dr..their approach etc.
If you look at the therapist-(and ive done this in the past)-and start analyzing them..its not working..I have been in/out of therapy at differant times in my life-as a a young adult-26-29..and now as a 40-something adult-for the past 2 yrs..
Only now as an adult-i have finally found the right work with.
Counseling is TRAUMATIC..unraveling the past-making sense of abusive parents-bad relationships-and ultimately-yourself.I got more ill-at the beginning of therapy-i was angry and extemely put all these problems/issues in front of you and make sense-of abuse...its harsh..
I had extremely neglectful/abusive parents-that still to this day-still push those buttons-narcissistic people..that cannot truly love..the component i needed as a child-and as an adult.
The key to healing-is to recognise it was NOT your fault-and to ultimately piece together-the past and find love from w/in-to be able to break that chain-to let it go-to work on your own world.
I had to stop communication w/ my folks-and i did not attend any holidays/events for the past year or so.
I guess they have finally realised im out of the loop-what do the do?
Find another sibling to work over-my sister is now the focus of there angst..
I have started a light communication w/ them-as they are getting on in years-and need to make peace-for myself and them.
They will never GET i have to deal w/ that-i will never be loved the way i need to be-its too late..but im accept this..
I have survived there abuse/neglect/harsh comments/-ive also had substance abuse-divorce-and traumatic encounters w/ others in my life..
My feeling is that no matter-what..i have to rise above-i cannot lay down and lose the fight-why should i have no quality of life-because i was hurt-
**** them!!!
My best revenge is to not succumb-and i still got some living to do..
As do all of us..

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