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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board


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Old 04-07-2005, 04:50 PM   #1
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jessica129 HB User

I've been full of self-hatred recently. I thought my ptsd was gone but all of a sudden it's back and 10x worse than before. One of my worst symptoms is anger/irritability that I turn on myself. I get so mad at myself that sometimes i'm afraid of what i'm capable of doing. I feel very out of control and when it passes, i'm left with more self-hatred for being so reckless. Does this make any sense? I walk around with a chip on my shoulder all the time and I feel like i'm about to explode soon.

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Old 04-08-2005, 06:00 PM   #2
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woodfaery HB User
Re: self-hatred

Hey you sound like you are going through a lot. Have you talked to your family doctor about this lately? Or a counselor? You may want to talk to someone about this who is a professional. I am getting that you have a lot of emotions that you are not able to put into words, but instead internalize. Let me know how you feel about seeing a professional. Sometimes just starting with a doctors visit can work wonders.
Take care, you are in my thoughts.

Old 04-08-2005, 07:13 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 110
jessica129 HB User
Re: self-hatred

I've been to many therapists and all they want to do is put me on meds. When I tell them I don't want to be on them, they proceed to do pointless breathing techniques to help me calm down. I've seen about 5 and have gotten nothing out of any one of them except tons of debt. I can't afford it right now. I try to talk to my parents but they get angry with me when I tell them what's going on...I think they'd rather live in denial than face the fact that there's something wrong with me.

Hummingbirdkiss, I reallly don't know why it's back. I'm coming up on the anniversary of 'it' this month so maybe it's something subconscious but I thought I was over it. I had been doing great for so many months but last night and today were one of the worst days i've had since it happened.

Old 04-10-2005, 03:18 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: knoxville tn
Posts: 3
blueripper HB User
Re: self-hatred

im sorry that your ptsd is coming back, mine gets real bad around the anniversary of my time i wish you alot of luck, stay strong

Old 05-04-2005, 09:41 AM   #5
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 66
charlodius HB User
Re: self-hatred

During the initial onset of my PTSD symptoms ( which were textbook ) my doctor put me on Paxil and shooed me out of the office. I was awake for 4 consecutive days on that med, and experienced only what can be described as circus music in my head. EVERY aspect of my life came apart in the subsequent 4-5 months. My life was literally saved when I got help from a psychologist who practiced cognitive behavioral therapy, and who specialized in PTSD. Have I forgotten the life changing events that caused the PTSD? No, they are still there, and they become more intrusive when I am stressed. But I can manage them, and the whole experience caused me to stop, reevaluate the direction of my life (professional and personal), and make changes for the better. Good luck!

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