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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

Never ending rollercoaster ride...HELP

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Old 07-13-2005, 04:49 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2
Deltagrl71 HB User
Unhappy Never ending rollercoaster ride...HELP

Hi, i am suffering from severe PTSD and have been this way for about 2 yrs. My boyfriend of 12yrs was in a terrible auto accident that put him in a coma for 2 weeks and in the hospital for 2months. I slept in 2 chairs and never left his side. I washed up in the waiting room bathroom and helped take care of him. I promised him I wouldn't leave his side until he woke up. We have 2 beautiful children and I have a daughter from a previous relationship that I didn't see for the entire time. Anyway, I fell really depressed about 5 months after he got of of rehab and I tried to get through things on my own. Him and I split up about 2 months after he got home because he blamed me for the accident when I wasn't even in the truck with him. I tried to end my life and I stopped eating and lost 30lbs in about 2 1/2 weeks. I called the crisis center several times and then finally about 4 months later I went to the emergency room. From there on I have been under the the supervision of doctors and placed on several different antidepressants. I am so scared and not sure what to do. In March 17th i underwent a severe surgery that made me have 6 screws, 2 discs removed and 2 bridges placed in my lower back L4, L5 and S1. I feel like giving up right about now and am so scared. I just want to crawl in a huge hole and never come out. I feel like nothing can help me. I have gained soooo much weight and don't go anywhere anymore. I have no social life and my children are suffering. How does anyone get through something like this. I can say this I really envy Tom Cruise for his beliefs and his tremendous heart. How does he do it? Well, that's my story. I feel like I'm the only one going through something like this. There are many many more things that have happened in my life and I really don't feel like being here anymore. What to do. Dawn

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Old 09-09-2005, 08:12 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 89
messy HB User
Re: Never ending rollercoaster ride...HELP

Hi Dawn

Firstly just want to say how sorry I am to hear how badly you feel right now. You've been through some horrible things and what you now feel is probably, sadly inevitable. I dont just mean now, I know you no doubt have been feeling at the bottom of the pit for so long, thats sad and I wish so much you could find a way out. Although we all go through different things and still find it hard to believe anyone could ever understand our own pain, the principle is most certainly the same- if it wasn't, people like you, me and all the millions of others wouldn't even bother to post on a place like this. I don't think we're really looking for answers, as deep down I'm sure we know we won't find them via a message board. Sure, we certainly crave answers but at the same time I'm sure all we really want when we come to these boards is to be acknowledged, to be heard, to be made to feel as worthy as the next person, or just to hear from a caring person, the list goes on and on. Honey, in that sense I want you to know you HAVE been heard and that those terrible emotions you're feeling have not fallen on deaf ears. I've read your post several times, wondering how best to respond to it, as I do with many, many other posts. I really do understand from the bottom of my heart, - that fear you express, and the wanting to crawl into a deep hole and never come out. Its such a powerful feeling, after experiencing that you may wonder what strength, if any, you have left. I recently posted on the depression board with similar feelings, I have no social life whatsoever, and also feel very frightened. But I still think you deserve massive praise, same as many people here, just for being brave enough to post on here in the first place. I know -how does that help you? you must think. I totally relate. You need so much care, love and attention like we all do yet its heartbreaking when innocent people like yourself don't ever seem to get it, eh.
Right now, it's far too easy for me to say, of course I appreciate that; yet the 1st thing coming to mind is that I can only recommend you focus on your children, if everything else is too hard. Try your best to remember why, and how and when you brought them into this world, and all the excitement you must have felt when you first gave birth to them. In that sense it may be a way to reconcile past, lost emotions due to the nasty things that have happened to you since. Your children depend on you honey, please don't give up. And not just them, but you deserve to be here, you're more than worthy of honouring the world with your presence. If you didn't even post this message, I would have no one to respond to! I know youre frightened and in despair, never alone though hun, although I know it feels like it. Don't give up, you're too precious. I also appreciate there is much more as you said in your post, that you haven't actually mentioned. I know there must be so much more, major things, a huge baggage. Still I wish you the very best of luck and love, and I know you can be strong enough to get through this. You've got through so much of what has obviously already happened. Take care of you, you are thought of, and loved as a fellow healthboard user, and as a special person, (and some more)!

luv michelle x x x

Old 09-10-2005, 04:28 AM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 420
smc612 HB User
Re: Never ending rollercoaster ride...HELP

dear deltagrl71----i am so sorry you are gong through all of this. you have been given good advise. it is so difficult when you feel so alone. i also have PTSD brought on by my daughter's death and then multiple unexpected truamatic close deaths after hers which of course was my worse. i have struggled for 8 years and really had no idea what my problem was. i finally found a good PTSD therapist which has been my salvation. i am at peace now. let's talk about the Lord. He has never left my side,has carried me through so much and i truly believe helped me realize i needed a therapist to help me accept and deal with the traumas i have been all takes time. please try to lighten up on yourself. you didn't ask for any of this but you can heal yourself.God be with you.

messy-----you are so right about the children. when my grandson was born he made me smile again. the innocense of children brings us back to what life is all about and gives us some relief from the ugly things in this worls.

mefit----i am also in my 50's now. when i think back to what my life was and how sad i was for many years it calms me to know that i am a different person today. peaceful!!!!! when things start to go wrong i step back and look at the situation. how important is it? did i create this or is it someone else's issue? i have always had a strong belief in the Lord that has gotten stronger as i have gotten older. without Him i would not have made it.

be well ladies my prayers are with you all,

Old 09-11-2005, 06:37 PM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 7
Cordelia46 HB User
Re: Never ending rollercoaster ride...HELP

Dear deltagrl71:

The other members are right those of us who have gone through multiple traumatic bummers can relate. I had severe PTSD after a horrible battle at work in Hawaii. Guess I was lucky. My good friend died of a heart attack over it and left five children. Another woman, shy and decent decended into addiction. The symptoms of having our watch-springs sprung can be pretty awful. I researched on my own, I had a gentle intelligent therapist, I worked-out heavily (makes the best of a bad situation) and believe it or not it eventually faded away. But not before a few MORE traumas presented themselves, chasing my vulture-siblings off the near-corpse of my dying father, who then begged me to help him kill himself. Ah yes.....bummers we have not brough upon ourselves....bummers that come to us DESPITE good works sometimes. You often hear about self-help books, go get some. Learn the mechanisms of what is happening in your body, the fight-or-flight system gone awry. This will make it seem less supernatural and haunting. Deadened feelings are common. The kids need you, hug them often and don't be afraid to tell them what is going on. They can use the knowledge of how YOU have made it through things later themselves. You aren't alone, other people have walked in your shoes, and work toward feeling better. It won't happen all at once.....

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