It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

Child Survivor Questions

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-25-2005, 08:32 AM   #1
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 236
angelblue65 HB User
Child Survivor Questions

My story is just way too long to go into but when an adult who has not successfully processed sexual abuse from childhood enters into a relationship, is the pattern of sabotaging it when things get serious common?

Also, do boundary lines and right and wrong get muddled? More specifically, is cheating a common thing?

Do they have a hard time understanding that they are making poor choices and hurting the person they are in a relationship with?

I have just ended a relationship with my BF of a year and a half. He told me he has nothing left. I have quietly and lovingly given him a gentle push by suggesting that he needs to address his childhood issues. He does not think it is the cause yet he tells me that this is what happens over and over again and he thought (with me) would be different this time.

I still want to be his friend to help him (if he wants that) because it's breaking my heart to see this beautiful person who can be so loving and caring be so lost, withdrawn, sad, etc.. I tried everything and gave everything of myself.

I would appreciate any input. Thank you.

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 08-26-2005, 03:52 AM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 102
knotme HB User
Re: Child Survivor Questions

I still have issues with abandonment, being touched, having someone in the same bed. I do sabatage my relationships because I don't want to be hurt again. Lots of breakup/makeup, rollercoaster, high drama.

I think I do make poor choices just so I can say they're all the same, excuses, playing the victim. Tell myself never again, but falling for the same thing each time. I'm good at "you're better off without me".

I don't think I meant to hurt my luvie on purpose; only because I felt they don't care. Like I meant nothing to them. Never thought of cheating though, but always wonder if my partner is faithfull. Constant affirmation needed, being wanted. Real "clingy".

I think it's great that you want to be friends still, but it can be emotionally draining. Good luck

Last edited by knotme; 08-26-2005 at 03:53 AM.

Old 09-07-2005, 01:37 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 89
messy HB User
Re: Child Survivor Questions

hi angel

I would have to say, I think, that the issues you mentioned ARE very common. Abused people tend to sub consciously push people away and sabotage their own happiness. They believe they dont deserve any happiness or to be loved, so that in shunning other people, they are in fact punishing themselves as they feel they deserve it. I was sexually abused but havent had enough experience in relationships to truly know, (Im 23 and only ever had one boyfriend). I have terrible intimacy problems though, I wont let anyone near me any more. My friends mum was also abused and she did all the things you mentioned, including cheating. It can be really hard for the partner of an abused person to cope with the rollercoaster ride of emotions. Abused people can be complicated and very trying! Best of luck to you, I hope you do stay friends with your ex

luv michelle

Old 09-07-2005, 06:15 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 236
angelblue65 HB User
Re: Child Survivor Questions

Thank you both so much for responding. I realize in hindsight that my post probably posed very difficult questions so I appreciate that you took the time to share with me.

I am absolutely devastated by the fact that my ex cheated. We planned a future together and I put all of my faith in this man. Now I feel like someone took him away - all of him - and I"m left with someone I no longer recognize. YET, he's his old self with this new girl - 12 years his junior - and she's only 7 years older than his oldest son. Nothing about this makes sense and it kills me a little bit more each day to think that he can give all of it up to be with her. I cannot reason with him one bit to try to make him see that this affair affected us. Meaning he cannot believe that the reason why I'm ending this is because of the affair. He truly believes one does not affect the other.

I'm left completely baffled!

But thank you again for responding. I appreciate it.

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Problems after Marriage and birth of child. 99Z51 Relationship Health 20 04-06-2009 07:26 AM
Child Survivor Of Aml/bonemarrow Transplant mjward70 Leukemia 0 11-28-2008 07:58 PM
New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away? tkgoodspirit Death & Dying 9 07-18-2008 07:12 AM
multiple nodular densities in breast cancer survivor CPACAT Lung & Respiratory Disorders / COPD 10 01-30-2008 06:17 PM
Cancer survivor; fighting depression? sammypt Cancer: Colon 8 06-15-2007 01:42 PM
child molestation Im_Robyn Children's Health 16 02-19-2007 04:20 AM
Question? Would like to talk to someone who has lost an only child. tkgoodspirit Grief & Loss 6 12-13-2006 06:43 AM
Survivor of ch'ld s'ual a'use debdough Depression 2 03-06-2006 10:02 AM
My Story -Large B-Cell Diffuse Lymphoma Survivor TerryFord Lymphomas 3 08-04-2003 11:27 PM

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:15 AM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
© 1998-2018 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!