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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

Control issues

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Old 12-31-2009, 04:04 PM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1
forever93 HB User
Control issues

Hello, I'm new to this site, but I need to work through some major control issues before they destroy my marriage! I've been diagnosed with PTSD two different times, one 16 years ago and another just last year. Last year's event made all my issues worse and even harder to change. I have to be in control of everything...I hardly let my husband decide anything or do anything aroudn the house. Whenever we have a discussion, I have the "fight or flight" response - I can't just have a a discussion - I immediately have to defend myself or my opinion. I'm seeing a a therapist again, but I'd like to work on this with other people as well. Any insights? Thanks!

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Old 12-31-2009, 06:13 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 509
friendsville HB User
Re: Control issues

I know this sounds mundane,but there are several suggestions below your post.I
am not being smart alecky ,but I never looked at these hints on where to go for help with our problems. There are several good self-esteem periodicals around,which may allow you to be a little... group-minded.(a borrowed phrase). Love Bill

Last edited by friendsville; 12-31-2009 at 06:14 PM.

Old 01-19-2010, 11:57 AM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 3
karenlj HB User
Re: Control issues

Hi I am also new, I might be dealing with PTS but not quite sure. I read your post and I am pretty much the same way. Because of my "perfectionist character" I have battled anorexia 2x in my 43 yrs, anxiety etc..
I also have some OCD- I don't like dirty or cluttery. Reason being I discovered is that so many things in my life are so out of my control, out of reach, helpless, have no control over it, that I need something to control.
My former anorexia battle was control over what I put in my mouth, sounds stupid right? But it is SOMETHING I COULD control. When the world around me falls apart, I clean, I have to keep busy, mind has to be occupied.
Then I become exhausted and tired. It's as if someone revs up my engine until I run out of gas and my mind is like pushing Play and FF at the same time until I give out.

I strongly feel it is due to issues in our lives, families seperating (not speaking to one another, not close), or people in our lives that we lost along the way, watching the news and seeing/hearing what is taking place in this twisted world, just not being to stablize what is going on around us, for sensative folks like us, it's just difficult to accept so we go on these control freak episodes, has to be our way, and such a certain way or we get VERY upset, moody, depressed, angry. It's actually not healthy to be TOO in control or be the decision maker all the time. My husband is so used to me making decisions now he asks me to make every single one and guess what "THAT BOTHERS ME" lol- how demented is this right? I get angry and ask why HE doesn't make decisions once in a while, why is it always up to me. And he will
say "because every time I make a decision, it's wrong!" But he is so right about that. I have now tried to back off some, would the world really come to a screeching hault if I just allow someone else to decide something? no!
So little by little I let someone else decide, I don't agree most of the time but I know the next time I can choose or decide. Ask your husband to help you, to remind you that you are being controlling, and don't get mad when he tells you, hug one another during this, he can be a huge source of help but you have to let him know you want it, that you DONT want to be this way.
And little baby steps, let HIM make a decision, small ones at first, like where to go to dinner, or WHAT to have for dinner, small issues, start there because they are the easiest ones. This way if you want Burgers and he wants pizza, you can give into the pizza that particular night and have burgers another night to still satisfy your own desire.
Baby steps is the way to go, and be open to his /others suggestions. Negotiate if it helps it along, and remind yourself "I have to let him decide SOME things". xoxoxo good luck!

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