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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board


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Old 02-23-2010, 08:12 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: laporte,indiana,United States
Posts: 1
guest89 HB User

hi. this seems strange comming here and telling everyone when i still cant say it outloud without breaking down. when i was 13 i had my first drink and last. im soon to be 21 and im not over what happend that night. i need help. i went camping with my family. there was this big dance. i met this guy that my cousin was partying with he seemed so nice. i was young and in denial. my cousin said i would be safe with him and i should go back to the campsite because it was late. anyway i dont remember alot of what happend what i do remember now is a knife held to my throat and being forced into sex. he was 17 i guess.. my parents always told me sex was magical with someone you love. but i dont love him. he was my first time and i cant stand it. it makes me sick thinking about it. i guess i have alot of questions. is it possible for my memory to come back of that night years later. i dont know why all of a sudden im starting to remember? i couldnt before no matter how hard i tried.. also why do i push people i care about away? especially guys. i dont ever have a functional relationship ever. im starting to think i do it on purpose. i dont know anymore. i havent had sex since that night. people say its not my fault. but maybe if i didnt show up that night. or if i would of just waited for someone i knew better. i dont know anything im just numb all the time my self esteem is really low. i cant trust anyone. he destroyed my life in one night and just need advice. someone please answer me as soon as possible. thanks.

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Old 02-24-2010, 05:02 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 827
kilgore52 HB User
Re: help.

If what you say is true, then he should be confronted and pay for what he did to you. I would tell your cousin what happened and go from there. Of course you have trust and delf esteem issues. You were so young and didn't know what to do. You trusted and thought this was a guy who you would feel safe with. No matter if you were a little tipsy, it was not an excuse to violate you. He is especially a bad person also because of the knife held to your throat. What a jerk and he should go to jail. He is a criminal. You NEED TO GET MAD AND QUIT THINKING THAT YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS OR THAT YOU SOMEHOW DESERVED IT.

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