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ladybugrose 03-11-2011 06:09 PM

PTSD it's back
I have had severe PTSD for years, first diagnosed in 2001. I have been told by one psychiatrist that I have been through as much or more than some war vets who have done 3 tours. Part of the reason I am on SSDI is the PTSD.

I went through therapy, etc. for what it's worth. My PTSD is related to childhood abuse - verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. When I say abuse, I mean heavy duty abuse. I have also been a crime victim several times - from physical assault by a group of men to attempted kidnapping to being held against my will. Yelling, screaming, etc. from bosses and people around me. Accidents, on and on.

I have dissociated off and on for years, it got severe in 2001. There are many triggers. In addition, I have Bipolar Disorder. Fun, not.

Today is a very bad day. I have so much anxiety and everything else. I have had a lot of dreams this week about the home I grew up in, where so much of the violence started. My husband told me as soon as I woke up this morning, not out of bed yet, that Japan had suffered a huge earthquake and Tsunami. I have been in that part of the world and through an earthquake.

Dealing with all of this, and then this afternoon we were seated in an upscale restaurant, near the hostess counter, and a woman started yelling and cursing at the top of her lungs, very angry. There was a similar incident at another restaurant in November when a manager lost control and did some things I won't go into. I haven't gotten over that. We are in a concealed carry gun state and I was concerned that she might have a gun. My spouse has just gotten a gun, something I have mixed feelings about.

All of this has just sent me over the edge and I am having a very difficult time. I will call the therapist on Monday, but this is Friday.

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