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Husband afraid of going "crazy"

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Old 01-09-2012, 10:12 AM   #1
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Husband afraid of going "crazy"

This is my first time posting about this anywhere but I need to vent and to see if anyone else can give me advice (or just a friendly, anonymous ear to listen to me).

I've been married less than a year to a wonderful man, sweet and caring. He's always been more emotionally affected than myself. If anyone (a boss, a friend, etc) says anything to him that is negative, he'll dwell on it, he can't let go and it consumes him. If we have a disagreement, he becomes depressed for hours, sometimes just lying in bed upset/crying. I try to help, we both end up crying, and then things are back to normal.

Yesterday, he came home and, without warning, he tells me that he feels like he's going crazy and that he's afraid of losing his marbles. On top of this, he says that, while he loves me, if things get bad, he wants me to get remarried. I'm flipping out. He tells me he feels his emotions controlling his mind, that he's not in control.

Here's the back story: As far as I know, he's never gone to a therapist (at least not while we've been together). His family life wasn't typical and has, from all that I've heard from him and elsewhere, not been stable. His parents had constantly been in conflict with one another, with major verbal fights (he says from a lack of not respecting one another) being a very typical occurrence at home while he was living there (they still occur, from the phone conversations I overhear). When he was younger, his mother took him and his younger siblings to live in another state away from his father, a move he describes as a way for her to "punish" his father. During that time, he alluded to being physically abused (I never pushed to get any more information on that) and his mother describing it to his father as a way to gain sympathy or to get him to stop divorce papers from going through or just to punish him for whatever reason. At one point in his teens, he contemplated suicide. For several years, his family uprooted itself a number of times, not only in location but in terms of lifestyle (they were religious, living in a religious community and now they are not).

In terms of the rest of his family and how they are doing, a couple of them have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, another with bi-polar, one who healthy as far as it goes but who I've diagnosed with the maturity level of a 13 year old (completely unscientific, I know, but they just get on my nerves sometimes-- most of the time), and a few others who, from what I've seen, are doing just fine (have a family, have careers, etc). The ones with schizophrenia and bi-polar, by the way, were said to have been involved with substance abuse, though I don't know if that contributed to their current situations. I just thought I'd put that out there.

My husband, while more emotional, is a great guy but, talking to him, I know he's terrified of us becoming like his parents (I won't let that happen) or of himself developing schizophrenia or bi-polar like his siblings. He said he never wants to take medication, that it's like death, the person isn't their former self.

I know he's looking for a more stable environment. When we visit my family, he loves how "normal" they are. We might not be the most outwardly affectionate people, but I guess the relative calm and tranquility of going to visit my family seems to make him very happy (we have to go visit his family and he's already expressed his worry about taking me there, letting me see what goes on in his family's home). I try to maintain an atmosphere of peace and calm at home but it's just the two of us and if he comes home upset, I get upset. He's my husband. It hurts so much to see him this way.

So, basically, I don't know what's going on and I'm not sure what to do or if I'm doing anything even remotely helpful. I can read as much as I can find and I can say that there are certain things that make me think he has symptoms of PTSD or bi-polar but am I imagining things? I'm scared for him.

Anyway, that's my rant. Sorry it kept on going. I'm hoping someone out there understands what's going on because I'm confused. And if I should post elsewhere, if this isn't the right place, please let me know.


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Old 02-01-2012, 06:35 PM   #2
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Re: Husband afraid of going "crazy"

Hello IYH1437,

If your husband feels so out of sorts,the best thing would be seeing a therapist.

Medication may also provide your husband with relief, as there is a history of psychological stressors experienced by other members of his family.

I view taking medication if warranted to be the responsible thing to do;especially when ones quality of living is compromised.

When in doubt, post it out.

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