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    Old 06-16-2014, 09:36 PM   #1
    meyeke812
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    Please help I'm so lost

    My name is Mike I'm 21 and in the US Navy. 10 years ago my beautiful sister Jaclyn died at age 13 of pneumonia. She lived her whole life with severe cerebral palsy and couldn't walk or talk. She suffered her whole life. After she died I was relieved for her because I knew she was in heaven and finally free of her broken body. However as Ive grown older I'm so terrified that there is no life after death and all my sister got was 13 sick painful years and then she died and poof oblivion for eternity. She doesn't deserve that. I keep dreaming about the night she died and it is horrible. I have nightmares where I see her body decomposing and it horrifies me. I want her to have a heaven where she can finally be free. I used to KNOW she was there but now I'm so scared she's just dead. I want to kill myself because it's so unfair that I'm alive and she's dead. People say "your sister would want you to be happy" but if there's no life after death then she doesn't care how I'm feeling because she's just unconscious. I used to be so excited to see her in heaven one day but now I'm horrified this is it and her life was so terrible. I don't know how much longer I can make it I can't believe I'm reaching out on an Internet forum like this... Please help

     
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    Old 06-16-2014, 09:59 PM   #2
    artofnikki
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    Re: Please help I'm so lost

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by meyeke812 View Post
    My name is Mike I'm 21 and in the US Navy. 10 years ago my beautiful sister Jaclyn died at age 13 of pneumonia. She lived her whole life with severe cerebral palsy and couldn't walk or talk. She suffered her whole life. After she died I was relieved for her because I knew she was in heaven and finally free of her broken body. However as Ive grown older I'm so terrified that there is no life after death and all my sister got was 13 sick painful years and then she died and poof oblivion for eternity. She doesn't deserve that. I keep dreaming about the night she died and it is horrible. I have nightmares where I see her body decomposing and it horrifies me. I want her to have a heaven where she can finally be free. I used to KNOW she was there but now I'm so scared she's just dead. I want to kill myself because it's so unfair that I'm alive and she's dead. People say "your sister would want you to be happy" but if there's no life after death then she doesn't care how I'm feeling because she's just unconscious. I used to be so excited to see her in heaven one day but now I'm horrified this is it and her life was so terrible. I don't know how much longer I can make it I can't believe I'm reaching out on an Internet forum like this... Please help

     
    Old 06-16-2014, 11:21 PM   #3
    artofnikki
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    Re: Please help I'm so lost

    Hi Mike,

    I'm a bit older than you but still a young and inexperienced soul who is dealing with the loss of a loved one. I've been suffering from depression ever since my father passed away in 2007. He was my best friend. Before this sudden loss, I could have never imagined how damaged I would become. My soul was happy, free and full of hope. I was always a very spiritual person, believing that there is life after death and truly that was the only thing that has kept me going after my father passed. My dad new I was very spiritual and that I believed that there was a bigger purpose for our souls once they passed. I would talk with him back in the days about it...even though he had a hard time believing that there was an existence after life--he humored me anyway. Well,,,
    I have to share this with you because I can relate to your pain and hope that I could lend some sort of comfort your way with this story....
    My whole family was distraught after my father passed. I have 2 sisters, we were all very close to my dad but I was the closest and most connected. My oldest sister was having a hard time believing that my father was still with us after he passed. She was dragging me through the mud with her disbelief that "daddy just went into the dirt and that was it for him". It was paining me even more because I knew deep down that my fathers soul was still present. I knew because I had about 3-4 months of help from my father after he passed. He made sure he stayed with me and helped me get through the initial tragedy. My father came to me in a bunch of ways. And believe me I am NOT a Kook! I am not some spiritual hippy who does voodoo things or drugs--I've never even done yoga!. I'm a normal girl who just deep down was connected to her father and took the quiet moments necessary to speak to him. One of the experiences I had with my dad after he passed was the coolest ever. After he passed I was so worried about where the heck he was since when he was alive I always knew where he was. I would lay down and pray to him and ask him to please tell me where he was so I could feel okay and content. Well,,One night while praying, I felt his soul come into my body, I know it was his energy and I know because I kept sensing little parts of him. Then all of a sudden I experienced this overwhelming happiness and started to crack up laughing. He used to make me laugh all the time. Well he was there Mike. His soul, his humor, his warmth, his energy. Then while he was there I was very patient and mentally asked him to show me where he is...well...all of a sudden my body felt like it was going to explode and then he lifted my soul gently and slightly out of my body-maybe my soul rose out about 3/4 inch. I was awake and again NOT on drugs, I was very present and just very relaxed. The feeling I had being 3/4 inch out of my body was unbelievable. He took me gently into the universe for like 3 seconds and then brought me back down. NOW how I know it was the universe was because the way I felt was indescribable. You feel so light and free...NO heavyweight, just pure happiness and my vision was foggy. My soul was free,,,out of my body even for that fraction of a time and no joke it was the coolest thing ever. My dad man, he really hooked me up because he showed me where he went. Now, I had many other kinds of experiences along with this one I mentioned. I had an even crazier one than this after but the rest were just really cool and subtle. Overall the experiences were Just enough to reinforce me that fact that he knew that I would be open to hearing from him after he left this earth because he knew that I believed that there was a life and purpose after death. My older sister on the other hand had a really hard time picking a side. She always made fun of my soul talk and when he passed, she was in real turmoil. Because the worst is to think that this was the end of their existence and she wanted to believe that he was still with us and no matter how hard I tried and told her about my experiences, she still couldn't go with the spiritual side. So one day, she came across a friend who recommended she go to a medium. And of course I went with her. This guy literally morphed into my fathers personality and said things that no one would ever know. Well after this, she got a kick in the butt because my dad came through this medium like a rockstar for her. And when I asked the medium to connect with my dad for me, he looked at me and said "he's already connected with you"!
    So long story but many more stories to tell because I am a true believer that our souls live on and your sisters soul is living on for a greater purpose. One thing I might suggest that could even be a part of her purpose is that you have to acquire a choice in life. You have to pick a side. And if it takes you to do the work such as reaching out in this forum than so be it. I commend that you reached out and commend that you are looking for answers and working on healing the damage in your soul. I'm deep down depressed every day but I fight it. I keep on trying every day now for almost 7 years. It's like a roller coaster. And whenever I am sad I search for that voice of truth, that my dad would NOT want me to be sad and wants me to be strong and happy and live and grow in my life. I know he is growing, I know he is on his own path now and it's hard for me to let go. The second time I went to the medium, about a year later, my dad came through and he said he's been busy making connections and that's why he hasn't been around. But I knew I had to let him go and was just glad he let me know that he was okay and on his new path.
    Sorry if I may have bored you with my story, I would hope that it would give you insight. I could also suggest you read this book, it's called The Seat Of the Soul. This is what set me on my path about 15 years ago with believing in life after death. And lastly,,,a piece of advice,,,you will live a much better and fruitful life believing that our souls have a bigger purpose than just life here. If you really think about it, it's a soo much happier life knowing that when we die, we live on in the universe or heaven or wherever. That's what I kept telling my sis, and now,,,she is much more content moving on knowing that my father is with us still but on a new path.
    Really hope this helps.
    Nicole

     
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