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  • PPD causing divorce ... please help!

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    Old 03-16-2014, 08:31 AM   #1
    NJDAD1
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    PPD causing divorce ... please help!

    Hi...My wife gave birth 10 months ago. Within 2 weeks of getting pregnant, she began to change and had every symptom, that one would see in post-partum, but during pregnancy. After birth, it became worse. She was insecure, went into rages, to the point of breaking my laptop, RIPPING the dishwasher out of the granite countertop, tearing our love notes up and saying our relationship was a lie, I didn't love her, etc. She even bit me and has thrown hot tea on me. She attacked me while holding our daughter and has talked of death, lonliness and even mentioned stepping in front of a bus. She recently ran out of the house at 11:30pm in a rage and left our daughter screaming upstairs. I've reached out to her family and friends and they are in denial and blame me! They think I'm trying to build a case to get my daughter, but that can't be further from the truth. I want my family to stay together, not break apart. My wife had insecurities and trust issues, but this has increased them tenfold! It's to the point, if the Bachelor was on TV, she would freak out, insinuating I had it on for the girls and wanted to cheat with them! I am not, have never not and never will be a cheater, so it hurts to hear that. After hours of being verbally abused, I finally say something mean back and regret it later, as if I'm baited in.....She filed for divorce and doesn't realize that her post-partum is causing this. It's almost like Bipolar, with some of the things she does!
    Her OBGYN pulled me aside, when she was pregnant and told me to keep an eye on her, as she's a prime candidate for PPD. I called the OB in the fall and she said my wife is now in severe depression and to get her to the Dr. But I never was able to...She moved out last month, back to her parents, who blame me, cause they don't see what she's done in our house. She stopped cleaning (the baby's nursery had dirty diapers all over the floor, which I have pictures of). They didn't see how she became abusive or would just "snap". Just the sight of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue would send her over the edge and she'd call them ****** and then tell her family I had pix of ****** and I look like the bad guy.......Now her family won't even talk to me. I texted her father about the PPD confidentially. HE TOLD HER and then said I was trying to set her up.....I have all of this proof of her PPD actions, but no one wants to listen to me and I fear for our daughter.
    A few weeks ago, prior to moving out, My wife charged at me with a ladle, that she was stirring rice with. She had our daughter in her arms and began to hit me with the ladle, sending rice all over me and the baby. She is sober for 5 years and I don't think Alcohol has been involved.
    What should I do??? I don't want her in trouble, I want her to get help and save our marriage. Just 3 weeks ago, we were planning vacations and were in love...now we are enemies and she wishes I was dead! She even said, if she died, she doesn't want me at her funeral! I am at a loss!! Any ideas??

     
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    Old 03-16-2014, 02:28 PM   #2
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    Re: PPD causing divorce...please help!

    Two things - be sure her OB documented that in her file.

    Second, talk with a family law attorney about your options. You should have done that months ago when she was living with you and you might could have gotten a 72 hold on her. Now that she's gone, that probably isn't a viable option but you still need legal advice.

     
    Old 04-21-2014, 05:59 AM   #3
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    Re: PPD causing divorce...please help!

    I hope and pray that she gets the help she needs for the safety of the baby. I have no advice to share. I wonder if it is more than post partum depression though. As badly as I suffered with it, I never became violent. Perhaps she tends to be slightly bipolar to begin with, and with added post partum depression on top of it....wow. I have no advice.

    I agree with other person who posted, if she was still living with you, at next physical outburst you could have called 911 and they would have taken her to hospital for a 72 hour hold for evaluation. As hard as that sounds, I did that with my 11 year old daughter - who has been suffering from bipolar issues and spent the better part of 6 months attacking me when she didn't get what she wanted. I finally had enough of the outbreaks, and this particular episode was just beyond anything previous, there was just this rage behind her eyes while attacking me, hitting, screaming, kicking, biting, and I screamed for her sisters to call 911. She spent several days in the pediatric psych ward, they tweaked her medication, and released her. No more problems with any outburst or violence.

    I hope you will update us on her status. Praying for you, her, and the baby.

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 06:05 PM   #4
    NJDAD1
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    Re: PPD causing divorce ... please help!

    Thank you....I spoke with a therapist and she nailed it on the head! She said she thinks my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. She gave me a book and questionaires and it is 100% to a TEE, my wife! I just have to change our names in the book and it's our relationship! After she moved out, I cleaned through her belongings and found books from before I met her, about Mood Swings and how to stop them from ruining relationships, How to stop trying to control people and How controlling people ruins relationships. She is a recovered alcoholic and meets all of the symptoms of BPD. I don't know if she's been diagnosed, but she needs help BAD! She has devalued me 100%, hates my guts and wishes I was dead. I treated her like gold, even though she physically and verbally abused me. I'm a 200lb 6' guy and I would never hit her or yell at her and I never pressed charges, because I didn't want her arrested. It looks like a divorce is going to happen unless there's divine intervention, which I keep praying for. Please pray we can reconcile and that she gets the help she needs, for her and our daughter....Her actions are ruining our daughters chance at a happy, healthy, nuclear family life.

     
    Old 04-22-2014, 06:18 PM   #5
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    Prayers for you and your family as you sort all this out!

     
    Old 04-23-2014, 05:02 AM   #6
    Viking64
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    Re: PPD causing divorce ... please help!

    Obviously if you found books about mood swings etc, somewhere inside she knew that something was "off". It is a shame that she didn't seek professional help back then instead of trying to fix it all by reading books and drinking. I hope she continues to stay sober.
    There is still this misconception with mental illness that everyone who sees a therapist must be a certifiable crazy lunatic, and like "omg what will people think of me if they knew I was seeing a therapist".

    I will continue to pray for you both, and pray that her family will also recognize she needs help too.

     
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