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  • my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

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    Old 07-12-2006, 12:06 PM   #1
    troubledmom54
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    my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    I just found out a couple of hours ago that my baby is having a baby. She was afraid to tell me in person, so she wrote me a letter. She had an appointment with a pregnancy center in our town, and I went there to meet her. I am still in shock, but I hugged her and told her I would support her. She's determined to have the baby, and I'm afraid she's not ready at all. Her boyfriend is going to stand by her, and they are planning on getting an apartment. I'm overwhelmed by all of this, and don't know how to tell my husband. He's very old-fashioned and I don't know how he'll react. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

     
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    Old 07-12-2006, 12:50 PM   #2
    JonathansMommy
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    The first time I was pregnant I was 16, and my parents found out because a rumor was going around our church, so a close family friend, who happened to be the priest, at our Catholic church, told my parents.

    My dad was disappointed, not mad, but upset. I thought he was going to flip out!

    I know this is your daughter and not you, but you don't know how yoru husband will react until you tell him. Or you could bring up something like, oh a co-workers 16 year old daughter is pregnant....or you saw something on the news about teen pregnancy statistics.

    Good luck!

     
    Old 07-13-2006, 05:10 AM   #3
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    Hi troubledmom. First of all the name wobblyboots is my boyfriend he has ms. My name is Dawn. I was pregnant at 16. I lived with my ex husband and family at the time because mom was an acoholic. My ex and I told his mom she was upset but hugged me and said it would be alright. Telling his father was another thing we were scared. But when we told him he took it pretty good. He wasn't happy but there wasn't anything he could do to change it. It is very hard being pregnant so young. As for her getting an apartment at 15 she shouldn't do it. It's way to hard taking care of a baby without help,but that is my opinoin. I did think of abortion, but could never do it and thank god because now my son is 17 and just graduated. I love him more then life. And I couldn't have done it without my ex-mother-in-law I still see her all the time.
    Well I hope and pray that everything works out for you. Take care and keep in touch. Dawn

     
    Old 07-13-2006, 08:01 AM   #4
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    I have a few friends who got pregnant at 15, 16 and everyone judged them and said that they are too young to raise a child, but all of them are AMAZING mothers. It forces you to grow up and to take responsibility. Your daughter just needs your support right now, that's the best thing you can do for her. Think about all the anxities that you had before having children? Now imagine having the added pressure of being young and having your parents and other people judge you. Just support your daughter in her decicions, whatever they may be. And as far as your husband goes. Yes he WILL be mad at first but he WILL get over it and accept it with time. Good luck to both you and your daughter.

     
    Old 07-13-2006, 08:22 AM   #5
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    Thank you all for your kind words and concern. I told my husband last night, and he took it much better than I expected. Of course he was upset, but he wants to stand by our daughter and support her. I agree that she shouldn't move out and I won't let her. I plan to give her all the help and support she needs. I was so glad to hear about the girls who had babies so young and were good mothers. A good friend of hers had a baby and was real wild before, and now she's a wonderful mother.

    I'm worried now about telling the rest of my family. I don't know how they'll react or how they'll judge me or my daughter. I'm thinking of waiting awhile until I can accept it better. What do you all think?

     
    Old 07-13-2006, 08:55 AM   #6
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    My sister got pregnant when she was 16 and it was hard for my mom to deal with but she got through it and it all worked out. My mom was also nervous to tell her mom and brothers and sisters and so on but after a few months she did and they all totally supported everything. Of course they were a little dissapointed and a little shocked but they understood everything. Everything willl be fine.

     
    Old 07-14-2006, 12:16 PM   #7
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    This might sound harsh, but as for the rest of the family, it absolutely doesn't matter what they think. Anyone who is going to judge is going to judge and you can't help that, but it shouldn't matter to you or your daughter. Speaking from personal experience, as long as you and your husband support your daughter, the opinion of anyone else probably doesn't matter to her.

     
    Old 07-14-2006, 02:49 PM   #8
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    Wink Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    Hi troubledmom. I am 20 years old, but I was 19 when I got pregnant. I am still pregnant, have not yet had the baby. I just wanted to tell you that you should not let her move out. My mom let me move out, and I wish I had stayed at home. She is 15, she's still a baby herself, as I know you feel also. How far along is she? And do you truley believe her boyfriend is going to support her? My boyfriend DID, until he found it to be an inconvenience to him. It's common for the boys to ditch their pregnant girlfriends. She's going to need you more than ever. Don't tell her how disappointed you are in her, although I know you have to feel a little bit that way. All I wanted my mother to do was hug me and tell me that everything was ok and that she supported me 100%. Instead, she yelled, screamed, about something I wasn't going to do anything about. I wanted my baby. Also discuss options with her, such as an open adoption. Just make sure she knows you are there for her.
    If you need anything in the advice ward, just holler, you know you can find me here

     
    Old 07-15-2006, 01:21 PM   #9
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    Hi there. I became pregnant at 20 and had my son at 21. I married my boyfriend (now husband) and luckily since he is career orriented (in dental school) and working on getting into oral surgery when he graduates we have been ok. It has still been really difficult and has put a strain on us at times. I wasn't planning on having children until I was at least 25 and felt like I had missed out on some of my youth since I had my son at 21. At least I had the college experience though. I couldn't IMAGINE doing it all at 15. What about adoption? This way your daughter could grow up and have a chance to live. The chances of her and boyfriend staying together and eventually getting married are slim. She is very young and most likely very immature. Not all 15 year old turn out to be great moms. I would say that is not the majority. She can still have her life if she gave her baby to a couple who could responsibly care for it. My sister in law is infertile and desperate to adopt. There is no shame in putting your baby up for adoption. Perhaps you could talk to her about it. What do you think?

     
    Old 07-20-2006, 08:13 AM   #10
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    Hello,my 15 year old daughter is also pregnant.She is due in late aug or sept 1st.It has been hard but we have worked through it.She is keeping the baby her choice and I am standing by her.With family support your daughter and mine will be fine.My daughter is staying in school and I will take care of baby while she is at school .She will do it while she is home and all weekends.I am glad you are standing by your daughter.There will be a few people that will tell you to give the baby up that it can't be done by a 15 year old.I know cause thats what has been told to me.But if we forcwe our children to give up their babies they will resent it.They will never forgive us.Its their baby and there choice.If these kids belive they can do it its our job as parents to help them do it.Helping them and compleately taking over and raising there babies is very different.Please don't let selfish people tell you you are a bad parent for letting your child keep her baby.You are a great parent for helping her through the time and letting her keep her baby.

     
    Old 07-21-2006, 12:02 PM   #11
    troubledmom54
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    Hi..thank you so much for posting! I know I'm not alone in this, but it's so nice to hear from another mom in the same situation. My emotions have been running wild, I go from fear to sadness to anger. I try to be happy about it sometimes, but it's difficult. I am and will always stand by my daughter, but I worry about her all the time.

    In our town, there is a special school for girls in their situation. I think they even have a daycare, so they can bring their babies. We are going to look into it next week.

    How did you handle your family and friends? My daughter doesn't want me to tell my sister and brother until she starts to show. I'm respecting her wishes for now, but I could use their support sometimes, if they are willing to give it.

     
    Old 07-21-2006, 03:37 PM   #12
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    I am so happy that your daughte rfelt that she could come to you with this. Take it as a compliment as a mother that your daughter told you so early and that she is taking responsibility. I know when I got pregnant out of wedlock, I was terrified to tell my mother....in fact I moved out and I didn't tell her until I was around four months along because I was scared of my parents flipping out and hurting me. I was not a teenager, but I didn't have a job or anything....I felt really alone. I was also told that I should NEVER have children, because people thought I was too selfish, career minded and I didn't like babies....well let me tell you that my son is my LIFE and I could not imagine life without my little snugglebug. He changed who I am completely...I LOVE babies! I am more caring, understanding and I think it makes me work harder at life too (and appreciate what I have). I do sometimes miss my old life and I get sad when I see people my age out partying or having a normal single life, but I would not give up my boy for anything.

    The one thing I wished I could have had? I wished I could have ENJOYED my pregnancy. Instead, I was ashamed, embarassed, and I felt bad about the whoel situation. I wish I could have bragged about my growing belly, fawned over cute baby clothes and had a big baby shower. It would have prepared me more and made my life a bit easier. So it may seem really small....but your love, support and even happiness would be the greatest thing you can do now. Get her involved in it...have her read books, take classes, maybe even excercise with her. If you treat her as a mother, she will take pride in it. I mean, come on....a century ago people were having babies in their late teens. I know this is a different era, but the potential is there if it is cultivated early, you know?

    So encourage her. If anyone looks at you with shame, ignore them. When that little precious baby comes out, all of the naysayers will even coo along with you.

    As a sidenote, my mother eventually accepted my situation, and the day I gave birth she was there in the room with me, along with my older sis and the father of my son. It was truly a happy day, and it brings tears to my eyes thinking how much my son has changed me for the better. You sound like a loving mother...it will be hard sometimes, but I am sure you will be a great gramma
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    Last edited by lex jude; 07-21-2006 at 03:38 PM.

     
    Old 07-22-2006, 04:34 AM   #13
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    I was also Mad,scared very angry at them.I had told both of them if they felt they just had to have sex to come talk to me first so we could get birth control for them.I knew they are too young to have a baby & I am to young to be Granny.
    It gets easier at the end of the pregnancy as far asbeing mad,about it all and Jess wasn't the only 15 year old here to be having a baby right now so that made it easier.I have 3 girls with Jess being the oldest.The other 2 are 13 &14 so I had really close age kids.I just hope this has shown the two other girls that they don't want a baby and they have already seen that just one time of sneeking around having sex can get you a baby.I know I can't handle another teen pregnancy.

    Last edited by spyrogirlkim; 03-12-2008 at 12:52 PM. Reason: names

     
    Old 07-22-2006, 01:18 PM   #14
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    wow. I'm really glad to know that you're supporting your daughter. I don't think that you should care what people think of you or her. After all, its just opinions and you can prove to them that even though they may not like the fact that your daughter is pregnant, that she can be a good mother. Your gonna be a grandmother. Isn't that so exciting? I'm real happy to know that the baby's father is gonna be there for her. Some pregnant teens don't have that. Your daugther has an excellent support system. Good luck
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    Old 07-31-2006, 10:29 PM   #15
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    Re: my 15 year old daughter is pregnant!

    all I can say is Its so Great that you support your daughter, a baby is a blessing no matter when it is born.

     
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