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    Old 01-14-2005, 02:43 PM   #31
    hunnybun1504
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    still waiting for AF in 3 days to start taking my pill..i dont know how im going to handle it if it doesnt show within a few days of what im expecting..right now im just trying not to stress myself out about it too much because then my period WILL be thrown off..i just dont know what ill do if i finally had the resources to pay for the pill and i was already too late....thanks for all the input ladies, it has helped me put a little edge on my own opinion..ill try and let you know how things work out in the next week or so..

     
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    Old 01-14-2005, 10:39 PM   #32
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    Hunnybun: You are the only one that knows if you are ready or not, no one else and expecially no one on here, since we don't know you personally. Try not to stress out about AF since stress can definately cause it do be delayed. Having kids at a young age is NOT a bad thing since I know from personal experience! Good luck and keep us posted.

     
    Old 01-15-2005, 03:05 PM   #33
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    thank you so much for the support, its definitely what i need right now, and its hard to bring it up to people who know me directly without everyone flipping out. and i wouldnt want to do that unless i really had to tell them that somethign was DEFINITELY happening not just a 'might be'...thanks so much for all your advice and support, it really means a lot..ill keep ya posted, thanks again :-)

     
    Old 01-15-2005, 10:04 PM   #34
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    You and your boyfriend are both young. I was 18, almost 19 when I had my first child. You need to look at your situation and determine if having a child at this moment is right for your situation. You had mentioned that you weren't sure how your bf would react, that he may blame you for messing up your life or whatever. Does he know that you are even thinking about this??? It kind of sounds like you haven't mentioned this to him. If you get pregnant, can you afford to raise this child on your own just in case this is too much for him to handle? These are things you need to think about.

    Yes, I was your age when I had my first child. My situation was a little different though. I was married (and still am) and we planned our children. I knew my husband wasn't going to bail on me because I had gotten pregnant, because we wanted children so bad. We were financially stable. We both worked full time and we had our own apartment.......so financially we could do it. At that time, like you, I decided to hold off on school. Well I held off for 10 years!!! I ended up having another child (planned) and wanted to wait til my kids were a little older before going to college. So, I started college last fall. My kids are now 10 and 5.

    Having a child is a huge responsibility. Just make sure you are ready for it. I'm not trying to say that it isn't possible to be responsible at a young age. I was the same age you are. Yeah, I hit some bumps in the road, but I got through it. I wouldn't change anything I've done.

    Also, I don't agree with a couple of the previous posters. Being 18 does NOT mean that you cannot possibly be ready for a child. Some people prioritize their lives differently. Just because you chose to travel, go to college and all that before having children is not going to make you a better mother than I am. I am experiencing all of those same things now, with my 10 year old daughter and my 5 year old son. I chose to have my children young because that is what I wanted to do. I am now going on 30 years old and I wouldn't change a thing I have done. I have done everything I wanted to. My situation may not always be the norm, but it is possible for it to work. I am living proof of that. And being lucky is not why I was able to get where I am today. I had to get myself where I am today, and I am happy with the road I've taken.

    To hunnybunn, Good luck and keep us posted.

    Last edited by barton93; 01-15-2005 at 10:21 PM.

     
    Old 01-17-2005, 12:03 PM   #35
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    well...AF was due yesterday, and even though today isnt over, she hasnt shown up yet either. my breasts are kind of tender...but that could just mean that AF is coming...can anyone tell me how much i would expect to bleed if it was just going to be the spotting after implantation...will it be blood, or just pinkish? and how much should i expect if anyone has seen the implantation bleeding...thanks

     
    Old 01-17-2005, 12:18 PM   #36
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by barton93
    Also, I don't agree with a couple of the previous posters. Being 18 does NOT mean that you cannot possibly be ready for a child. Some people prioritize their lives differently. Just because you chose to travel, go to college and all that before having children is not going to make you a better mother than I am. I am experiencing all of those same things now, with my 10 year old daughter and my 5 year old son. I chose to have my children young because that is what I wanted to do.
    Right on Barton.

    To the young mothers of the board, don't let anyone tell you differently. Being young doesn't make you incapable of loving a baby. That's being close minded

    Hunny, sore breasts are a sign of PMS, not just pregnancy. You are late though which means you can take a pregnancy test now. Go get one and let us know?

     
    Old 01-17-2005, 12:50 PM   #37
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    i just went to the store to get a pregnancy test, and to be quite honest im nervous like no other. im just awaiting the urge to go..how stressful! im getting a little bit more cramping as im getting up and moving around which leads me to believe AF may show her face soon...i feel so horrible though, i still havent made up my mind whether im hoping she comes, or if it wont make me sad if she doesnt...mixed feelings still...i mean its not liek a baby would be..well expected right now, im not even saying it would be approved by anyone i know...i think everyone would be really shocked if it happened actually, but then again, it not like it would be the most horrible thing to happen right now...but im afraid the bf woudnt see a congrats in order..:-( which spoils my hope-she-doeesnt-come thoughts. i guess the IDEAL time would be when he would want one too...it makes me feel wrotten that i wont be happy if it comes...like its such a bad thing for me to ACTUALLY be hoping she doesnt come..since me and my boyfriend talk about our future so much, pregnancy is ALWAYS brought up. the strange thing is, that the both of us talk about it like it going to happen soon...but i know he doesnt want to actually TRY until hes 24. hes a smart boy, ya know..i really cant blame him, but something deep down inside me is screaming to me that i want it sooner. i know im young, and to all you other ladies who waited, or didnt wait and got pregnant when you were younger, i must sound so crazy...and to say the least, STUPID to want to bring a baby into my life now..but some for strange reason,..its there..its not an occasional thought..its always in the back of my head. it makes it hard. the worse possible out come of this would be that my boyfriend would think i was doing it on purpose..tht i was TRYING to conceive anddidnt tell him about it..which would be horrible. we both talk about pregnancy a lot..we know were meant to be together..on one hand this doesnt seem like it should be such a big deal. i feel so old. i work full time, i make good money, i live by myself and have a good savings account which will only grow over time..i might not have gone to college..yet...but that doesnt necessarily mean that i dont have a future right? so why does it feel like im so crazy on the other hand? i mean, im only 18, doesnt it sound crazy? i dont know whats the matter with me!:-( i dont know what i want..i know i dont want to wait as long as my boyfriend does, does that make it not right? i dont understand..i dont knwo what to do..i just wish i could figure out whats the matter with me. how can we tlak about it as if its happening right now, but have him feel so strongly about waiting..its bizarre.....

     
    Old 01-17-2005, 01:08 PM   #38
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    btw barton, i forgot to mention bout your last post to me. i know were both young which si why i get the feeling we have different viewpoints. like i sai din my previous post, we DO talk about it..a lot actually...so we do discuss it..its just strange to me that we talk about it like its going to happen tomorow, but i know even though he talks like that, he said he doesnt want to have a kid til hes 24. which may or may not be a "smarter" choice..but i know he wants to go to college, he would start this fall, we are actually awaiting his acceptance letters...so i have already thought about that as well...i dont know how hed act if he found out right now i was pregnant. i personally would foresee an angry you-did-this-on-purpose -and-now-=everythings-messed up attitude...and im sure he would think he was now being forced not to go to college...but thats not the case, because honestly, i am confident with the track that im on, i would be able to support a baby on my own if he "couldnt handle it" as you said. its just a matter of him feeling how he would..and feel like he was being forced NOT to go to college jus tbecause of a baby. as im repeating myself and getting annoying to all of you, we talk about it as if its gunna happen tomorrow..which frustrates me, and i think he knows that when i talk about it and say "soon" i mean sooner than he thinks is soon..we have a disagreement on when it would be "ok" to have a baby. his background, or for whatever reason has brought him up to VERY STRONGLY disagree with a baby outside of marriage..i on the other hand, dont see it as a horrible sin, i mean, accidents happen, or sometimes two people just arent meant to be married...its not like im TRYING to have a baby on purpose out of marriage, but if two people know that htey ove each other, and love each other enough to discuss having a baby so seriouusly, and they intend to get married and spend the rest of their lives together, then it wouldnt be a deadly thing to do. anyways, just thought id cover that area. my boyfriend, he IS smart..but hes making me so impatient. maybe hes not ready RIGHT this very second, but since he has voiced his opinion about wiaitn guntil 24 25 or 26 after hes out of college and in a solid job, and I have voiced my opinion of 20 21 or 22....i feel like no matter what i do, if i were to get pregnant before his desired 24 25 or 26, his reaction would almost DEFINITELY be YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE..which makes me feel..well...downright hopeless..i dunno..just thought id touh base about what ya said barton, to clarify what the sitch is. i feel like im trying to explain my whole life story on these boards, im sorry lol..but hopefully it helps you guys understand a little more thoroughly where im comin from..thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and even more thanks to those who keeps supporting me and trying to give me advice..it means a lot especially because other thna you guys i dont really have anyone else to talk to aboutthis stuff :-/

     
    Old 01-17-2005, 03:30 PM   #39
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    Hunny, I am 20 years old, got pregnant at 19, and I didn't have anyone to talk to either. I live 3 hours away from home and none of my girlfriends had ever had a baby. Once everyone knew I was pregnant, I lost all of my friends because I was no longer the girl they could call up and go party with. There are young mothers on this board, some with regrets, some not, and we have all been accepted here. Don't pay attention to anyone who talks down to you. At this point, if you're pregnant, there's nothing you can do about it now and no one should be rude to you for something you can't change.

    Have you taken the test yet? Goodness girl, drink a bottle of water and do it!

     
    Old 01-17-2005, 03:50 PM   #40
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    im here..i have to leave for work in a bout 10 minutes...the pregnancy test is sitting on the counter awaiting the 3 minutes....im scared...i dont know what to feel!!!!!! :-( i feel like CRAP....my ovarys feel like theyre pulsating right now, i usually get that feeling right before i start my period :-/ i dont even WANT to go to work..hopefully when i get there they can send me home early...just waiting for these results.......and not sure how im feeling......:'(

     
    Old 01-17-2005, 03:55 PM   #41
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    i know i just posted like TWO seconds ago...but the three minutes are up and so far the the whole window is just a really light pink...the line is there to say that the test is done, but theres nothing specific in the first window....its just light pink...i guess i have to wait a few more minutes....i feel like crying..:-(.....and its off to work i go...ill probably post when i get home...

     
    Old 01-17-2005, 04:44 PM   #42
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    Hey Hunnybun.............awaiting to hear your results!!! I know you won't be on til later after you are off of work. I just wanted to respond to your note and let you know that I do now have a better idea. I also agree that a piece of paper saying you are married isn't going to make things any different as far as parenting goes. Some people morally believe that marriage before children is the right thing to do..........but sometimes..........I guess the correct thing to say would be "spit happens"!!!

    If you are this anxious now to become a mother, I think you should talk some more with your boyfriend. It may or may not help matters. If you just happened to fall pregnant, or if you already are, just keep in mind that being a good parent is NOT impossible. It can be done and I'm sure you would do just fine.

    Also, my first note to you may have appeared to be coming off as I was saying that marriage is the answer. That is not at all what it was intended to be. Marriages fail everyday. I was simply trying to point out my situation. I was married and stable and planned my children. You sound like you are in a relationship that is just as committed, minus that piece of paper.

    Also, there were a couple of times when I thought I had an "oops" too and when I took a pregnancy test, I was relieved to discover that I wasn't pregnant, but at the same time, I had very mixed feelings. Part of me wanted to be pregnant and part of me did not.......so I know exactly what you are talking about with how you feel!!!

    Best of luck to you and your boyfriend..............please keep us all posted.

    Also, don't feel bad about having to tell us your "life story" as you put it. The community of people on this board are so supportive it is actually amazing. We are all here for a reason. So, feel free to address any concerns you have. Chances are......you find the answers you are looking for.

     
    Old 01-18-2005, 12:21 AM   #43
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    wow..ya know...i feel like the night couldnt have gotten any worse...and i come home..and this is the only comfort i have today...thank you so much for just...being here for me...wish i could hug you! *virtual hug*...i checked the test one more time before i left and im pretty sure i was just willing that faint line there...the window was just all light pink..no line...so im guessing thats my bfn...i went downstairs and got in my car, and just...i had to unleash...i know its "wrong" for me to want a baby THIS bad right now in my life...but that really hurt..i dunno..i just gave myself a good 20 minutes...didnt really care much that i was a few minutes late for work..i just really needed to cry...:-( although it may not have been the best thing right now...i could have done it..and i guess i just wanted to talk myself into it is all i guess...:-/ well whatever it was..i felt like crap..so i get to work, and AF just decides to rear her ugly head. i dont think ive ever been so upset to get my period ever..im glad at least someone out there understands the mixed feelings thing. i mean..yea, i guess its a releif to get a negative..for my boyfriend and his life at least...for his sake....but for me..i would have been thrilled to get a bfp :-/ thanks for understanding so much..
    as for talking to my boyfriend about my anxiousness to have kids, i dont know if that would work. i dont think he agrees and doesnt want me to start ttc until he has a steady good paying job which is when college is over for him i guess...i dont think he'll budge..and i guess if i do anythign to go against it ill either be lying and secretly ttc...which he will just blame on me anywyas...theres no real easy way to bring it up with him..i mean occasionally we bring things up...almost on an everyday basis pretty much. like oh..what do you think of such and such for a name..or our kids will never do this...or i wonder what color eyes our baby will have..and just..everything..we mention little things like that all the time..but to bring something up out of the blue about WHEN exactly we shoudl start ttc...its a little harder to bringup randomly. i dont want to go behind his back and like mess up his life or anything..but there really are a ton of people out there who have kids at our age..and they do fine..and i believe that im probably better off than a lot of those people (financially, and age)..its hard to think of a way to ask him, can we start ttc sooner? like...as in next year or the year after...i guess he just feels like im rushing him...like im in such a hurry to grow up..and i guess thats kind of how it seems..but im not rushing..i just feel ready. im sure a ton of people are reading this now and are just like psht..at 18? READY to have a baby? no way..but i dont really knwo how to explain..i just feel ready..and the only thing holding me back right now really is my boyfriend and how he expressed his wishes to wait until later in life to start trying to have a baby. i just dont feel like i can deliberately go against what he says he wanted..and secretly lie and TRY to have a baby...im willing to compromise..i dont want to make him feel OBLIGATED or screw up his life in any way..and it seems like thats what he feels like it would be. if i had a baby right now id be messing up his life so bad..hes going to be 18 in a week. he will be an adult...i am an adult....i am a young adult, but nonetheless im an adult. i live on my own in a very nice apartment..a two bedroom...with a nice small bedroom that would make a cute nursery..., i have a very good savings account, i have a full time job, a very reliable car thats paid for..a solid relationship, and an amazing family. if you didnt hear that i was 18, youd say this girl is ready to start a family. since weve talked about the starting a family thing so much, i think its what would make it so extremely difficult if i did end up pregnant any time soon. he would think i had done it on purpose..and especially now that im starting the pill...after about 2 months for certain..im not really gunna have any way to get pregnant without him knowing. i mean, i cant just flush the pills down the toilet and lie and sneak behind his back to do it..he would know that i had done it on purpose..does having a baby mean he cant go to college? because thats not at all how i see it..i dont even see it as that I cant go to college...when im ready, i know ill go back for something, but there are plenty of jobs out there including the one that i have, that gets my bills payed and even lets me have extra...i just..i cant figure out where i am in life right now..im somewhere caught in the middle...cant go one way, but cant go the other..i need to find a breaking point cuz if not im going to go crazy....:-( thanks for reading...thanks for the support...i dont know where id be without you ladies and your opinions and advice...prt of me wishes i could say the test was positive...but on the other hand i dont need the boyfriend breathing down my neck about doing it on purpose....its gunna be one of those sleepless nights..i can tell...:-(

    Last edited by hunnybun1504; 01-18-2005 at 03:22 PM.

     
    Old 01-18-2005, 04:38 PM   #44
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    the feelings still linger from yesterday...it was another rough day....i guess it will tka etime to pick myself back up..but i just really nee dto figure out where im going from here...i wish something would point me in a direction...:-/ i dont know what im going to do now...

     
    Old 01-18-2005, 05:01 PM   #45
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    Re: just wondering what you think..

    hunnybun........I'm so sorry you are going through this. Times like these are so tough. It's definately not wrong of you to long for a baby. Your situation is a tough one. You and your boyfriend are kind of on different pages. You guys are prioritizing your lives a little differently; you want a baby now, he wants to wait. Lots of couples face that. Maybe you guys really need to sit down and discuss this, as hard as it may be. Find a happy medium! A compromise could possibly do some justice here. Maybe try to find some people who have experienced parenting at a young age and see what steps they had to go through and see if that is what you want. Me for example.......I got married to my husband 3 days after turning 18. A month later, we decided to start trying for a baby, and the first month it worked. We both had full time jobs, our own apartment, our own reliable cars, but NO savings account! When my daughter was 2, we bought our house. 3 years after that, another child joined us. Now, my daughter is going to be 11 this summer and my son will turn 6 this spring. I just started college this past fall. I am looking at anywhere from 4 to 6 years in college (not sure if I'm going to stop at a bachelors or pursue my masters). Basically, by the time I am out of school, I will be anywhere from 33 to 35 years old. Parenting before doing everything else does make it take longer to achieve other goals. I'm very satisfied with that. I have chosen to live my life this way, and I would never say that I regret the road I've chosen because it would mean that I regret my decision to become a mother first, and I don't. So, it's up to you. That is what you guys need to figure out. What are your priorities? Are you okay with putting everything else off to be a parent first. Are you guys willing to compromise to find your happy medium?

    I know I am stressing this..........but you really need to discuss this with your boyfriend. It's not like having a baby first will destroy your chances of achieving your goals, it'll just won't happen now. Also, you are right about not wanting to go behind his back. You don't want to do that. That would just mean that you are selfish wanting what you want when you want it and not taking his feelings into consideration. So, glad to hear that you aren't thinking about taking that road. You guys need to be fair to one another. Best medicine = communication.

     
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