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hunnybun1504 01-09-2005 08:06 PM

just wondering what you think..
i have two questions for anyone who feels they wouldnt mind answering.

1 - how old do you feel is the appropriate age to start trying...society acceptance tells us certain things, but im just wondering what you girls think.

and 2 - how old were when you first conceived, and discovered your pregnancy..

im just trying to see what most people would call 'acceptable'..thanks in advance to anyone who answers

Zayazmama 01-09-2005 08:46 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
I guess "ideally", it is best to do after any and all education is completed, and you are financially stable. However, we all know that in reality, that rarely is the case. My personal opinion.....get yourself grounded and grown up first. have a chance to live your life (whether u like to party or whatever, just get it out of your system early so you dont end up neglecting your kid), and do it for the right reason (dont do it to try to keep your man, cause it doesnt work).

No one, and I mean NO ONE can tell you that you arent ready. You will know the answer to that. Forget what 'society' thinks. We already let society make our decisions for us enough without letting 'society' tell us when to have kids.

Thats my 2 cents. :)

chrystina505 01-09-2005 08:48 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
I think a couple should start trying when they are physically and emotionally ready to be parents. I don't think there is any one right age on when this is, depends on the person. I was only 16 when I had my son (definately not expected and I definately was not ready) but he has been a blessing to me in every way and now I would not change my early age pg for the world. Now at age 24 I pg again and definately ready this time!!!

Ange7a 01-09-2005 08:51 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
I am 24 and I just found out that I am pregnant. My boyfriend is 27. I definately think that age wise, we're definately ready. Now, in terms of where we are in our lives, it would have been a little better to plan this!

hunnybun1504 01-09-2005 08:59 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
thanks for answering ladies, you both have made very truthful statements and i appreciate it :-)
on a more personal note, if you dont mind me asking chrystina, how did you manage whenyou were 16? help from your parents im assuming? and how did the babys father handle the news? just out of curiosity..
society does have too firm of a grip on the decisions we make in our lives, especially the more personal decisions like getting pregnant, i agree..but you know how people can be..they give you those funny looks when theyre like..your pregnant? how OLD are you?...that never makes things easy :-/
thanks again for the insight, its helpful :-)

Ange7a 01-09-2005 09:21 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
hunnybun, my mom was only 14 when she had me, 13 when she got pregnant. it made for a very difficult childhood for me (AND her, really). she never told my father about me, so when i tracked him down when i was 19 years old, he was a little surprised, to say the least. my mom had a very traumatic life before i came around, but she will tell you to this day that if she didn't have me, she would have gone down a very bad path and would have done some very destructive things to herself. Her parents helped her throughout a lot of my upbringing. I can't tell you that it wasn't hard, because it was very hard, but from the point of view of the baby (who was me), all I ever knew of it was that she loved me and even when at times I couldn't see it, she truly sacrificed a lot to give me a better life than she had. if you dont mind me asking, how old are you?

chrystina505 01-09-2005 09:25 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
I actually didn't have much help from my parents. By the time my son was 6 mo's and I had turned 17, I was living on my own, going to college, and working. My son was in daycare and we got to spend every nite together. As for his father, he has never been in the picture. He know's he has a son out there but isn't man enough to take responsibilty. It occasionally affects my son but I think my son is pretty smart and knows that he is better off not being in his life.

cattieos 01-09-2005 09:28 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
I have always thought that you should be at least 24 before you start having children, i pick that age because most people are usually out of school and established in a career and home at that time. I think that otherwise you should be married, have a home, by yourself not with yoru parents, have a good savings account, have stable jobs where one spouse makes enough to support the family, in case something would happen that the child would need constant parental supervision, like an illness or something. But i kind of have high standards. I was 27 when i concieved and found out, the baby is due on June 21 and I will turn 28 on June 30. So I will proably be 27 when it is born too!
But this wasn't actually planned, it was a little earlier than planned, but we were ready so it's ok. But like one of them said, it doesn't always matter if it is planned or not, if you are ready, you will know. And sometimes whether you are ready or not, it happens, and then you just have to take it as the blessign it is!

hunnybun1504 01-09-2005 09:38 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
wow you ladies are very strong. its gives me a little more strength..although i havent gotten my bfp yet, it makes me a little less nervous to. in answer to your question im 18, and im sure you read my other 'situation'. i really cant tell if im just psyching myself into this or what...i know i want a be absolutely thrilled to have one, but since im already sure that the father of the baby would never leave me, im afraid even if im ready for this, that hes going to feel like im messing up his life..and like im doing it on purpose. see, hes turning 18 in about...10 days or so? and just finishing up his senior year in high school. i am going to be 19 come this june, and im not going to college right now, it just wasnt right timing for me. although ihave considered going back, at least for something like a trade (cosmetology, esthetics), right now i am working full time at a grocery store, and i moved out end of october to my own apartment, where i am doing well. my boyfriend and i talk about the future all the time...getting engaged...and married...and making miracles like a baby...but he seems to have it all planned so far off in the distance. which is why i have mixed feelings..i could go either way right now. if its a bfp i think i could handle it, but also if its a bfn i could also handle it, i mean its not like were TRYING right now anyways. just every little thing gets me going. 2 days ago i thought i could be pregnant from after my november i feel like i could be pregnant from after what i thougt was my december period...pregnancy is practically the only thing on my brain and i cant figure out why! i feel so young, like everyones looking at me funny. i feel like its weird for me to be daydreaming about weddings and pregnancy at this age, not just daydreaming about it, but taking it seriously. i just keep repeating myself, im sorry, but i just cant figure out whats going on. he makes me feel so unrealistic. i told him ive always wanted to have children young..and he doesnt agree...i dont want to go and sneak and like..not take birth control and 'accidentally' get pregnant just because i want to...and other little disagreements, he does not believe in having a kid before were married and he got so angry with me when i didnt think that there was anything wrong with a woman having a baby with a man before they were married...its not like were splitting up ANY time soon, im positive of it, i guess i just dont know whats going on in my head right now...i thought it may just be a rush to grow up, but i dont know...i think if that was the case id spend more time wishing, than actually researching and talking to people about it...whew. mouthful..sorry :-/

mommaboyz 01-09-2005 11:02 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
I was pg for the first time at 19 I thought I was ready but boy wasnt I lol It was way too early I think its up to the person individually. I dont think a teen should really becoume pg becouse of they miss out on alot of things based on my own exp. Im sure there are namy teens who can be great parents but I would wait if I had to do it again.

you need to be educated on it for sure babys dont come with a handbook.

Mary0114 01-10-2005 10:59 AM

Re: just wondering what you think..
Appropriate age. Well, the best time would be when you're married and feel stable enough. I got married at 31 and didn't really care if I had kids at the time. Then I got pregnant at 33 and had a miscarriage, which floored me for a long time. Then I got pregnant again at 34, only to lose my son at 24 weeks. Then, I got really mad, got pregnant 5 months later and had a baby girl at age 36. I wanted one more, but my daughter came early, so she may be my only one.

I personally think, since you asked, that women passed their early 40's shouldn't be having kids. Plus, your body makes it harder for you by makign it harder to get pregnant and harder to carry to term. Maybe this is nature's way of telling you it's too late. I will probably be hammered on for this, but I don't think it's fair to the kids after a certain age. I mean, you'll be 60 when your child graduates high school, 70 when you become a grandparent (or even 80). I have strong feelings about this, since you asked. As far as too young, I think certainly anyone under 18 is too young, but some girls are ready young. So, anyway, those are my honest feelings.

Jupiters008 01-10-2005 11:33 AM

Re: just wondering what you think..
I am 24 and 9 weeks pregnant with my first, and i too was VERY worried about being too young, but i have went to college, my bf is in college, we have a place to live...ect. I am starting to feel a lot better about this situation.

sharpy2896 01-10-2005 11:35 AM

Re: just wondering what you think..
My boyfriend and I have been trying now for 3 months. Like you I am only 18, If it happens anytime soon (like we are hoping) I will be 19 after the baby is born, he is 22, we live on are own and personally thing we are really ready for this and want it so much. I have very mixed feelings on how young is to young? i think that having children before you are 18 is to young, but I am 18, funny huh? So more importantly I believe it depends on where you are in life and if you are ready or not. anyway good luck and i hope you get the answer your looking for!

chrystina505 01-10-2005 12:53 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
Hunny: Have you talked to your boyfriend about the way you feel? Although you are ready, it doesn't sound like he is quite ready. And you don't want to push the subject with him too much. Just explain how you feel, listen to how he feels, and move on from there. And please, please don't "accidentley" get pg. You want to make sure that both of you are completely ready for a baby.
I completely understand what you are going through. Before me and fiancee got together, I dated my ex for 3 yrs. He was quite a bit older than me and did not want kids at all. I had the baby fever sooo bad and always thought of ways to scheme into getting pg. We broke up not too long after and now looking back I know that having a baby with him just wasn't meant to be.

Frynd1 01-10-2005 01:05 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
With my first pregnancy, I was 18 years old and a senior in high school. I ended up miscarrying though. Then, once I graduated, I went away to college where I realized I wasn't ready to have a baby anyway. I met new people and partied everynight where I was given the chance to be a kid. Then, when I was 19, I got pregnant again and am 5 months now. I am 20 now though. Honestly, even though I am pregnant, I do feel that I am too young. Even though my boyfriend is a cop and my parents are taking care of me financially, I don't feel that this was the best time to be having a baby. Either way, I love my unborn son and regardless of my actions, it isn't his fault and he will be loved and cared for. I just have to grow up now!

Whether you are 14 or 24, no one is born a parent. It is a learning experience. I met my boyfriend when I was a junior in high school and we tried for a baby ourselves. I'm still with him now, but am glad it didn't happen that soon. We got a cat inbetween then :)

BEcca1978 01-10-2005 05:37 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
I think a couple can start trying as soon as they feel comfortable. I think each couple is different. A good age, I think is early 20's. I was 16 when I first found ou I was pregnant. I was 17 before I got married, then gave birth a couple months later. Well, you can see that it went fairly well when you look at my signanture lol!

chelle4 01-10-2005 07:03 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
i was 19 when i got preg with my first dd, and then i was 21 when i got preg with my twin boys. now i am 25 and preg with baby #4. it was very young, but i knew that i wanted to be SAHM, i was married, and knew that my dh could support us. Age itself i think is very relative. it has a lot more to do with maturity and motivation.

hunnybun1504 01-10-2005 08:10 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
no...there will definitely be no 'accidental' pregnancys...that wouldnt be very fair to anyone of us now would it? i so up and down...i wish for a baby so much...but at the same time, i dont think id have a problem waiting either..but i swear, if im going to be this baby crazed for the entire duration from now until im 24, ill crack before i ever make it there! i know it seems like im in such a rush to grow up, but i kind of am a little bit i guess...i have a steady secure financially right now...if i saved, i could definitely make it work...but at the same time, even though im POSITIVE im ready...i dont want to force this on my boyfriend, especially because hes voiced that if i were to get pregnant now, he doesnt know if he'd want me to keep it. we both know that we want to have kids together...but apparently he is dead set on the time not being right now. i hope i dont have to end up waiting another 6 years...:-/ that would be torture for me :-( but i know that i love him...and i will respect whatever he wants, even though it kind of hurts :-/ anywyas...other good news...i went to my gynecologist. my second time ever in the office mind you...and i talked to her about birth control. she prescribed some and i have it covered under my moms insurance so that was lucky..sooooo......all im waitin for is AF on the 16th or be quite honest im nervous, now that i finally motivated myself to go and get the i going to be too late?...guess well find out in a week or so...just waiting it out until then..

hunnybun1504 01-10-2005 08:11 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
jus tanother thing im wondering, since i got so many responses about getting pregnant at such 'young ages' according to most people, how exactly did you go about telling the father, your parents, other family and friends?...and how did they handle it..thanks

cattieos 01-10-2005 08:44 PM

Re: just wondering what you think..
i am married so i just woke my husband up and said, "i think you want to see this" and handed him the test. then we went and told our families, but since we were older and married and all it was a happy thing. When one of my cousins got pregnant in high school, she told the father right away and he was estatic, and he told his parents just flat out and they were understanding, but she hid it from her family until she started showing and they were not happy. Maybe because she hid it maybe not. My other cousin got pregnant at 19, and she told her mom and grandma flat out, just walked up and said, I'm pregnant. They werent' happy! She told the father, I'm not exactly sure how, but he didn't want her to keep it, but they worked it out and got married. She waited a really logn time to tell her father though, but he was happy, eventually.

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