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  • need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

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    Old 07-10-2006, 06:23 AM   #1
    smitchhelp
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    need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    i have an 8 yr old and i had a child that died at birth 2yrs ago. My hubby and i started trying to get pregnant in Jan 2005 with no luck. We found out that my hubby had low sperm count and that what my baby died of could of been genetic from my hubby. We have like a 13% chance it will happen again. My 8 yr old is healthy and fine. I feel like since this has happened that my life has been a dream and torn apart. My husband only wanted 1 child so i had to beg him to try the second time which took us 6 months. Then i got pregnant and he treated me bad, he would say, "U got what u wanted." Then my baby died. I am sitting here crying while i type this. I felt like after he died by husband wasn't there for me. His mom didn't want us to have anymore kids and she said some pretty bad things when i got pregnant with my second. OK here is the problem, i really really really messed up life. During this time he agreed to try for our 3rd. I guess he felt bad for the way he acted toward me. Well he didn't ever want to talk about our baby that died. I woke up crying one night and instead of him holding me he told me i had to be strong for our oldest child. So what ended up happening, his friend was there for me to cry too. To make a long story short, i ended up in an affair. I didn't mean too and now i can't take it back. We had sex 6 times. Three times with protection. The other 3 he withdrew. We both felt very bad about it. I broke it off with him, we are going to remain friends but we don't talk like we use too because I'm scared it will lead back into something else. I wish i could take it back. I have been with my husband for 15 years and i have never cheated on him until now. I have so much guilt and i don't want to tell him and hurt him. I have learned from my mistake and i have asked God for forgiveness. The thing is, is now i think i am pregnant. i am a couple days late but i am spotting a little brown, just little. I am also cramping today. I have taken 3 pregnancy test, cheap internet brands. i took one last Thursday, 1 Sunday and 1 this morning. They all show a very faint line. It didn't show up until after 5 minutes or so. What am i going to do? I have messed my life up. I am cramping pretty bad, could be envaporation line. If I am pregnant what will i do? I wanted another baby but not like this. Whos would it be. I haven't used any protection with my husband for 1 1/2 and he has low sperm count. This guy pulled out. It was all around ovulation time. I guess. How stupid could i have been. I love my husband, how could i have ever done this. I am such a bad person.

     
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    Old 07-10-2006, 08:21 AM   #2
    mcohen
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    Well I would certainly never judge you, that is not my right or anyone elses for that matter. All I wanted to say was that it really doesn't matter if he pulled out, you can still get pregnant. I am in that situation right now. He pulled out but lo and behold here I am 3 months pregnant!

    Good luck with your situation, I hope it all works out for the best.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 09:28 AM   #3
    Faythey
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    A faint line is still a positive, but if you're not sure you can always wait a week and try again.

    Right now I'd say you need to forget what's happened and figure out the best solution for your baby. If you tell your husband, how will he react? Will this other guy be there to support you? When you tell your husband you're pregnant is he going to be suspicious? Basically you have two choices - you can tell your husband that it might not be his, or you can keep that as your own secret. It sounds so simple, but I know its not an easy decision to make. However, the sooner you make the decision, the sooner you can start getting everything on the right track.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 10:38 AM   #4
    smitchhelp
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    My husband use to be abusive to me. Not anymore but i do believe its still in him. He tried to choke me when i was pregnant with my first son. I would be scared to death if i told him. The other guy is married. He also just got layed off. i am so scared. I just went to the Dollar General and bought a $1.00 test and after 5 minutes i saw a very faint line. My sister saw it too but she told me that since i was spotting brown stuff since Thursday and i have never done that before in my other 2 pregnancies she didn't think i was pregnant. She said she thought it was an evaporation line. Do a search for twoweeknotice they show pictures of evaporation lines. I can't eat or sleep. I don't want to loose my husband, we have just started getting along better these last 2 weeks.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 10:57 AM   #5
    Faythey
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    Since the line showed up in the 3-5 minute window, I wouldnt think it was an evaporation line. From what I have read, those dont appear until hours later (when the urine evaporates) which is why these tests are only readable for a certain period of time. However, the urine would not evaporate within 5 minutes.

    The brown spotting could be implantation bleeding.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 11:04 AM   #6
    yellowrose5006
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    First off, let me say that NO ONE deserves to be choked, esp. a pregnant woman. You have some big decisions in front of you, give it a few days and retest, I would look into low cost or sliding scale community programs for taking another preg test. They can probably help you with other decisions you need to think about too (a shelter, etc). Just take a long, slow deep breath. You need to be calm before you make any decisions to make sure you are doing what is right for you and your family. Don't panic. Stuff like this happens, just keep breathing and trust yourself.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 12:29 PM   #7
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    Arrow Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    If you are nervous now about being pregnant and that you are unsure who the father is, do you think you can keep this a secret forever? I sure would be difficult. How will you feel at delivery? Keep these things in mind when you make a decision. According to what you have said about faint lines after 5 minutes or so, it appears that you may be pregnant. Maybe you can have an amnio centsis done during this pregnany to determine who the father is, if you are unsure.....I think they are able to do that, aren't they?

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 12:34 PM   #8
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    i am sorry for your loss and also that your husband cannot be the kind of man you would perhaps like him to be. i think you need to think long and hard about what you want to do if you are indeed pregnant regarding telling your husband, only youknow what is best for your situation or how you want to live your life. a faint line is still a positive. i hope things work out how you want them to take care

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 01:19 PM   #9
    smitchhelp
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    Thank u all for not judging me or making me feel worse for what i have done. Ok i am going to see if my friend at the hospital is working tonight and see if she can get me a test done. Lets say I am pregnant. Wouldn't my husband more likely be the dad since he went off in me and the other guy pulled out? Also when my husband goes off in me i go straight to sleep because it is usually at night. Back when i was a teenager, for 2 1/2 yrs my boyfriend which is my husband now, we only used that method of protection (pulling out) and i never got pregnant. Also do I even tell this guy that it might be his baby? I really want it to be my husbands. Please say a prayer for me. I need all i can get.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 01:26 PM   #10
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smitchhelp
    Thank u all for not judging me or making me feel worse for what i have done. Ok i am going to see if my friend at the hospital is working tonight and see if she can get me a test done. Lets say I am pregnant. Wouldn't my husband more likely be the dad since he went off in me and the other guy pulled out? Also when my husband goes off in me i go straight to sleep because it is usually at night. Back when i was a teenager, for 2 1/2 yrs my boyfriend which is my husband now, we only used that method of protection (pulling out) and i never got pregnant. Also do I even tell this guy that it might be his baby? I really want it to be my husbands. Please say a prayer for me. I need all i can get.
    I've read many stories about couples who thought that one of them had a problem (like low sperm count) and then lo and behold, they get pregnant. It certainly is possible that its your husbands, but unfortunatly the pull out method isnt fool proof.

    I think Orange is right about the amnio, although I doubt insurance would pay for that test. It is something to consider though, seeing as getting that test completed asap would be best.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 01:44 PM   #11
    lekstroh
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    However you choose handle this, you and your husband may need some outside help, some counsiling. It sounds like there are some unresolved issues between you and your husband, the baby you lost and maybe the abuse which happered in the past. The two of you need to heal together and move on together rather then alone. I have never lost a child, but when I was young my brother died. My parents didn't go through it together they each delt with it there own way, never talking about it. It ripped them apart. 6 years later they were at the end they almost divorced. They then went to counsiling to learn to communicate, now another 6 years have passed and they are doing great. Tragedies will bring you closer of rip you apart.
    Don't beat your self up about this, you are HUMAN, humans make mistakes. No one is perfect you were hurting looking for someone to comfort you. Before you move on you must forgive yourself, that is the most important thing.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 02:04 PM   #12
    smitchhelp
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    U all don't know how much your post mean to me. I just feel so embarrase to tell a doctor what i did. Can't an amnio cause a miscarriage? If i am pregnant, i don't want to hurt the baby. It's not his fault. Also wouldn't the other guy have to get his blood work done? How could we do all this without our spouses finding out? I know i have to forgive myself. U know God makes it so easy to forgive us why come humans find it so difficult to forgive? My husband and i have a whole lot of problems from the past. Around 6 yrs ago he got caught pulling over and talking to a prostitute. He ended up deciding not to go through with it but it took me a long time to heal from that. I couldn't believe he pulled over. I know that he stopped the process but still it hurt me so bad so i can't even imagine what he would do if he found out all about this. He has already told me that he couldn't ever forgive me if i cheated on him. I honestly did not mean too. I really don't know how i got caught up in it. I feel like this last year and a half i have been in la la land. Thanks for being here to talk too.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 03:59 PM   #13
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    I am sorry you are in this situation, you are in my prayers, and I've read your post, and several times you have mentioned God, let him lead you.Good Luck, and keep us updated on how you are doing.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 07:32 PM   #14
    smitchhelp
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    Not knowing who the father is has made me sick. I didn't even eat supper tonight. I went and got a more expensive test the one that says notpregnant or pregnant. It came up pregnant. So now what. Tell me from what i am about to tell u whoseems like would be the father. Started my period on Tuesday, on my 8th day that night i had sex with my hubby and he went in me and i went to sleep. On the 10th day that night i had sex with the other guy and he pulled out and i got up right away. I went to a ball game and when i got home and wiped there was blood. That has happened to me one time before. Ok so then i had sex with him on my 11th day the following morning and he pulled out and i got up right away. Then i had sexwith my hubby on my 13th day that night and he went off in me and i went to sleep. Then i had sex with the other guy Monday afternoon and he pulled out. So what do u think. My hubby has gray zone border for low sperm count. It is 20 million but i did get pregnant by him 2 yrs ago. But we have been trying for a year and a half with no luck. I am so scared.
    Ok so i called this other guy before i got on here. I told him. He acted terrible. He told me he had got layed off today. I told him i was pregnant and he told me that it wasn't his because nothing had happened between us. Can u believe that. He said this is your husbands and your baby. I told him to quit the bull **** that this was important. I told him i could do an amnio but he said he didn't want to find out. He told me that he loved his wife and that he would never cheat on her again. OK, i told him didn't he think i loved my husband? I told him i would never get involved like this again and i don't know how this happened to begin with. I told him i was a bad wife, he told me that i needed to quit talking to him then. I told him that i wasn't even going to call him but then i felt like he needed to know. I asked him why he was acting so ugly to me and he told me that i had shocked him. He told me congratulations that he knew that i wanted another baby. Anyway that was about it. So do i get an amnio done and tell my husband that he needs his blood drawn for some other reason or should i just assume its my husbands baby? This guy really hurt my feelings, i needed support. I feel like that he used me and now i am the one suffering. Do u think God is punishing me for what i have done? I did want another baby. My 8 yr old prays for that every night. So i will not be calling this guy again and i guess he will never call me again. How can he act like he doesn't care? I bet he will be thinking about this tonight. He is probably wondering if i am going to ruin his marriage. So i really need all of u right now. I can't tell my husband, it would kill him and distroy him. I do love him and now with all of this going on i think i realize how much i do love him. I don't want to loose him.

     
    Old 07-10-2006, 09:06 PM   #15
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    Re: need help - I might be pregnant - please read - please don't judge me

    I am not here to judge you either. I really feel for you and your precarious situation. If it were me, I would want to know who the bio father is even if you choose not to share the information with anyone (IF the father is not your husbands). I do really hope and pray for you and your family that the baby is your husbands. I am not sure what the methods are to do a DNA test. Maybe your physician can help with ideas. Doesn't sound like the other guy is willing to help you find out, it would sure be a lot easier if HE would cooperate and sympathise with the situation. I am sure he is shocked, but YOU are the one carrying the baby, maybe he will come to his senses and help out with at least cooperating to rule him out as the bio father. It would really be awesome if the baby is your husbands. It is totally possible for your DH to be the father even with low sperm count (only takes one, right?) How early can you do the amnio? Oh, and God does not punish by putting you in an awful situation. Keep that in mind, it is unfortunate and perhaps bittersweet, only time will tell. Good luck my dear.

    Last edited by megsmommy; 07-10-2006 at 09:08 PM.

     
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