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1st time mom anxiety

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Old 06-20-2008, 10:18 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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sg1112 HB User
Unhappy 1st time mom anxiety

did anyone get really scared all of a sudden about being a mom? everyone has been telling me from the beginning that i am never going to be able to raise a baby and that my fiancee is gonna leave me and im gonna be all alone and now that its getting close im really starting to get scared. i guess just having to listen to it all the time is really starting to get to me. my finacee hasnt been spending as much time with me. hes been working a lot and then he wants to spend time with his friends cuz he says hes not going to get to once the baby is here and im always all alone and dont have anybody to talk to about anything. i know hes not gonna leave me its nothing like that i just dont know how to make him grow up and take things more seriously. imi couldnt be happier that i get to have my little boy im just scared i wont be able to give him everything he needs and that his daddy wont start being more responsible. hes really happy about the baby too i just dont think its actually hit him yet the way it has with me because hes not pregnant. im hoping once he sees the baby something in his thick head will click and he'll get his act together

Last edited by sg1112; 06-20-2008 at 10:22 AM.

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Old 06-20-2008, 11:10 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Markham
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Ronor26 HB User
Re: 1st time mom anxiety

Hi SG,
I had lots of anxiety when I got pregnant, during my pregnancy and now that I have had my baby, I still have anxiety. It's a big life change. You definitly need support from your friends, family and your boyfriend. I have an anxiety disorder, that flared up after I gave birth and I'm doing better, day by day. I have someone with me every day to help me with the baby. You need lots of sleep and support when your baby arrives. Make sure you take time for your self and get as must rest as you can. I'm sure you'll be a great mom....try not to listen so much to what everyone says to you. Tell yourself your a good person and you'll be a good mom too....Good luck!!!

Old 06-23-2008, 03:15 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Panama City Beach, Florida
Posts: 1,696
xinerevelle HB User
Re: 1st time mom anxiety

Hi there!

I would recommend trying to find some other pregnant women or moms of young children. Look online for playgroups and mothers of preschoolers groups.

As for the people who are being so negative to you: Tell them to shut up! **REMOVE** would say to get them all together and tell them that their negativity does not help things and that if they don't have something positive to add to your life right now, you'll need to back off on seeing them. And then stick to it! You need to focus on you and the baby right now.

Oh, and tell your fiancee being a father means supporting the mother throughout pregnancy, not just when the baby is actually here. You are carrying HIS child. YOU should be his number one priority right now -- not his social life. Tell him to grow up. Also tell him that you will BOTH need opportunities to be alone with friends after the baby comes, so don't think you'll never see your friends again. Then PLAN in advance for you each to have time with your friends while the other babysits.

Good luck to you, hon!

Last edited by Mod08; 06-23-2008 at 08:46 PM. Reason: Public figures are off topic.

Old 06-23-2008, 03:23 PM   #4
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Delia79 HB User
Re: 1st time mom anxiety

My best friend went through this with her boyfriend, not once but TWICE! They are expecting their second baby in Oct. and he has brought up the whole spending time with friends thing now because he won't be able to later. I say that is a bunch of bull! When you become an adult, you don't have all the time in the world to spend hanging with your friends. I am not saying it's not ok or even healthy to each have time to do something on your own without children or significant others present, but when you become a parent that becomes the majority of your life. And if people can't accept that then they shouldn't become parents. I am sorry your boyfriend is making you feel this way, but remember that you CAN do this no matter what happens. You can do whatever you put your mind to regardless of what other people say, you know you can.

I have to say that having my best friend being pregnant with me both times (it wasn't planned, just happened that way) has been such a blessing. We've went through the stress, anxiety, joy and heartache of pregnancy together and it's been so nice to have someone else to share it with. I feel truly blessed to be able to have that person to talk to and share my annoyances with when it can't be DH. Try to talk to anyone you feel you can trust. Talking about your fears is the best way to help yourself overcome them.

Good luck, and again, remember that you are going to be a great mom and that is ALL that matters!!!
~Ella Ann, July 2, 2007~
~Madilyn Mya, September 21, 2008~

Old 06-23-2008, 03:31 PM   #5
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 450
JustDance HB User
Re: 1st time mom anxiety

Hi sg1112 - I can definitely understand your being anxious - I certainly have my moments of wondering exactly how I'm going to handle it all. It sounds like your friend's comments may have some truth to them, but I'm very sorry to hear that you have to listen to negative nay-sayers, that certainly can't help things.

From an advice point of view: everyone is different and maybe your fiance will do a complete 180 turn when the baby is born - but (reality check) maybe he won't. The question for you is: what are you going to do if he doesn't "change"? It sounds like you are expecting him to be someone that he is not? If you love who he is, maybe his friends are part of what make him happy and make him a funner person to be around when you do get time together. I'm not sure when you are planning to get married, but remember, you are not yet married - maybe this is also his way of maintaining some degree of freedom "while he can". Just remember that everyone is different - and my advice is to plan fun things together, especially before baby comes (a weekend getaway, a romantic dinner, or just a walk in nature holding hands). Keep it fun and he'll WANT to spend more time with you.

You will be a GREAT mother, don't listen to the negativity.

Last edited by JustDance; 06-23-2008 at 03:32 PM.

Old 06-23-2008, 03:36 PM   #6
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 402
asako HB User
Re: 1st time mom anxiety

i was never anxious about becoming a mother. it ws something i wanted my entire life...however, it is normal to have some anxiety about becoming a parent. it's a huge change in your life. i think you should follow the other poster's advice and find other young moms...more people that you can relate with. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of support with the comments people have been making but that doesn't mean you can't find support elsewhere! connect with other moms or moms to'll find you have a lot of the same worries, fears, anxieties and things you're looking forward to...

as far as your fiance, sit down with him. have a heart to heart. I think some men play the "im not going to be able to do it after the baby is here" card too much. a lot of them will use the same card after the baby is born as well. Just let h im know how you feel. don't tell him that he can't go out or that'll make it worst! don't control the situation but find a happy meeting place between him socializing and spending time withyou.

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