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Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) (CRPS) Message Board

CRPS and "performing"


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Old 09-01-2013, 10:37 PM   #1
JohnathanM
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CRPS and "performing"

So I've had CRPS for about a year and 1/2 now and of course I'm a male. This is a sensitive subject for me but I really need to talk and get some advice from other males if they can. So it's not enough that this condition affects every facet of my life (walking, sitting comfortably, hobbies, sleeping) etc etc you guys know what we go through physically, mentally & emotionally. It also affects me being able to be intimate with my partner and able to perform. I just don't have any desire due to all the pain and when I do try I can't. Idk what else to do. Doctor put me on the medicine and it doesn't help either. Anyone else going through this. I feel like a huge failure in more ways than one so just need advice.

 
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Old 09-09-2013, 12:36 PM   #2
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Re: CRPS and "performing"

JohnathanM, I'm so sorry that nobody would reply to this. I kind of ran into the same problem when I posted questions regarding sex and RSD. Guess nobody wants to discuss this subject. Guess the only thing I can suggest from a woman's perspective is to make sure you try other things to help satisfy her. I'm sure it is frustrating for you...BELIEVE ME, I know how frustrating it is from my perspective of it (I'm the one who has RSD). When I have had a difficult time doing anything because of the pain, I did things for him to make sure he was getting his needs met. Here's the thing, sick or not, if you're not getting it at home, eventually, you will probably go somewhere else! One of my friends who has RSD wasn't intimate with her husband for over ten years. Needless to say, they are in the process of a divorce right now. The divorce isn't solely based on that part of it but infidelity WAS a part of the divorce. So....that's my suggestion from a woman's point of view. On a side note, when my husband was having problems in that area and quit trying because it was getting frustrating for him and he didn't want me to not get anything out of it, he put me to the place where I was ready to go somewhere else. Keep in mind, this was also before I got sick and before I came back to the Lord. I wasn't a Christian during that time either. There are other ways to have sex and intimacy without having intercourse. All I can say is try something!!!! Believe me, something is better than nothing! You never know, you may be able to get something out of it too.

 
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Old 09-09-2013, 04:20 PM   #3
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Re: CRPS and "performing"

Jewlz, although that is a possibility of the other one going elsewhere, it isn't a given. I have a very difficult time but know my husband would never cheat on me. That probably sounds a little too confidant to some people, but there is a lot of love and caring in our marriage and to a lot of people that is more valuable than sex. What we have gone through together, especially in the last 3 years, has only made us closer.

 
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Old 09-09-2013, 08:54 PM   #4
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Re: CRPS and "performing"

Cyndel, I understand what you are saying and I'm not saying that this is what all men/women will do. I don't believe my husband would either and through this illness, he has shown me support like never before. What I'm saying though is we all have needs, that's the way we are made. If I cant do something because of the pain, there IS something I can do for him, and vice versa. So the point I was trying to get out is, if he is struggling because he has no desire because of the pain and when he tries, he has problems...then maybe he can just try to do something for her. My situation with my husband wasn't due to pain when we had our issues, he was just having "male issues". It's frustrating being a woman, having something started and him not being able to finish, and then does nothing to help YOU finish. THAT is frustrating! I'm sure your husband has been wonderful through this as well. I think you are one of the people who responded to my post on this subject and we talked about how you guys just tried different things. There are things we can do for ourselves and our mates in the bedroom without actually having intercourse. I think another part of this also depends on age. Issues may be different for somebody in their 30's versus someone in their late 50's, early 60's.

 
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Old 09-10-2013, 08:58 AM   #5
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Re: CRPS and "performing"

Jewlz, I totally agree with what you are saying, my only problem with your original post was mentioning the partner straying. I just felt Jonathan was under enough stress with the situation without also stressing out about that. I didn't mean to come down on you, was only trying to support Jonathan. Sorry!

 
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Old 09-10-2013, 12:05 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyndel View Post
Jewlz, I totally agree with what you are saying, my only problem with your original post was mentioning the partner straying. I just felt Jonathan was under enough stress with the situation without also stressing out about that. I didn't mean to come down on you, was only trying to support Jonathan. Sorry!
Thank you Cyndel and I agree with you. I do not have a "her" to satisfy. I've been in a monogamous same sex relationship for over 16 years and I know he would never cheat on me either. We both feel the same way about cheating & its never right to do so. I do agree (and have tried) doing "other things" to satisfy him & me but the pain is so horrible & ongoing that neither of us can perform. Me due to the pain of course & him because he's afraid of hurting me or causing more pain. It feels like there is no good outcome

 
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Old 09-17-2013, 06:15 PM   #7
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Re: CRPS and "performing"

In spite of the pain, it is unfair not to do something to satisfy your partner's needs. You will have pain anyway, so when it is lower there are different positions, manual pumps, bringing her orally etc. I too do not believe in infidelity, nor do I believe the wife has to be forced into being a nun. She is caring for you and also suffering in many ways, hearing the groaning, being lonely because you cannot do much with her, and the extra amounts of work because you cannot help. You may not have much drive but do you have love?

Last edited by TINDWYL; 09-17-2013 at 06:18 PM. Reason: spelling

 
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Old 09-17-2013, 10:12 PM   #8
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Re: CRPS and "performing"

I think the most important thing is to keep a dialogue going....there will be days you feel a little better, use them to your advantage! If you both can talk about intimacy (or lack thereof) with honesty and without placing blame, I'm sure he (and you) will not only feel less pressured about it, but happier/more satisfied when it does happen. Sometimes a nice dinner, comfy blankets, cuddles, and a good show/movie you both enjoy can go a long way. As long you guys keep doing things that keep you emotionally close, the physical will wait for when you're able. He sounds like a very caring, understanding man, being open with him (and he with you) can aid in solving the problem.

 
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