Boyfriend with CRPS broke up with me

11-25-2014, 02:54 PM

I am looking for advice.

About 3 months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me because he doesn't want to be a burden on me, and is not sure how long he will be able to continue working. He has had CRPS for 4 years, since a military injury, and we were dating for wonderful year.

He is 45 and I am 40. We were talking about getting married and having children. I have had a successful career, and truly feel that between what I have saved and my current career, we could be okay financially, even with children. His current medical care is from the VA and he has a disability pension, but is currently working a good job.

He is very responsible, and was a single dad that raised a son, so he is very practical about what responsibilities a family would mean.

We got back in touch recently, and he still feels the same way about me, and hasn't started dating anyone else. Am I naïve to think that we can work through this as a team?

Your honest advice, either as someone with CRPS or as a spouse to someone with CRPS is really appreciated.

11-26-2014, 02:43 PM

hi marvy1. i'm so sorry your friend has rsd. i have also had it for almost four years and have a husband who has helped me deal with it. i felt like i was a burden too but he said i wasn't. you're not naive. you can make your relationship work if you want to. marriage stays together in sickness and health. those are part of the vows. maybe if you tell you friend this maybe he will want to get back together with you. i hope it works out for you both. take care and don't give up hope.

12-27-2014, 01:49 AM

Being someone living with CRPS, I too have felt like a burden to my husband. I initiated an extremely difficult and honest conversation and explained how I was feeling followed by presenting him with an out. I told him that he didn't sign on for this and I was feeling terrible for holding him back. He was silent for a few minutes before he looked at me and said ... if it was me, would you walk away. Well, hello, I would never walk away and after thinking about it further, I came to realize that I need him beside me and I need his help so I can fight harder. He provides the strength to get me through the day when I'm so close to giving up, he can put a smile on my face when I'm feeling down, and he just makes the difference. Nothing worth it is ever easy. Since this conversation, we have been focusing on expanding our experiences and adapting to the things we can do instead of the things we can't do. I'm not sure if this helps but I sure hope so and good luck!!!

Again, good luck

01-15-2015, 09:45 PM

Hi I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I was recently diagnosed with RSD after chronic pain for almost 10 years now. My doctors sent me to specialist and finally decided I had Thoracic Outlet Syndrome and put me through two major surgeries in 6 months that didn't help the pain but did help the atrophy in my arm some. I was laid off from my job after 26 years. I have felt like a burden to my family so I know how that feels. I have been married for 5 years and didn't have this pain I could not push through 5 years ago. My husband told me he wanted a wife that worked and since I have worked all my life, didn't see any problem with that. I actually went back to college and in my 3rd semester out of 4 to become an RN, the pain became so unbearable that I failed my last final by only a few points. I have signed up to return but everyday I sit and cry and wonder how I am going to do this. Now I am afraid that I cannot do that and I have a fear that he will get tired of it and leave me one day. I'm sure your BF is just trying to protect himself from being hurt and a burden but if you can handle all that comes with this, I'm sure you all can work it out. Good Luck to you.

Boyfriend with CRPS broke up with me

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