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  • is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

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    Old 06-17-2015, 07:11 AM   #1
    Nervous92
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    is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

    I am a 23 year old college student who happened to somehow manage to allow an 18 year old boy to swoon me. At first, I did not want anything to do with him because we are at two different points in our lives. I am almost complete with college (I graduate next semester in December yayy!) and he is currently about to start the 12th grade in high school!!!!. However I have in after his constant persistants. The first part of us talking we both made it very clear that we remain friends with benefits until we both are on the same page. It has been three months now and things has been going fine. In those 3 months we went out on plenty dates, each other families and I even awarded him with my celibacy last month. Lately I have been feeling very emotional because I am 23 and want something more. All of my friends are in relationships, having families , and getting married. I confronted him about my feelings towards wanting something more and he told me friendships last longer than relationships and that he's not ready to do all that stuff. We got into an argument over the phone because he then told me he don't see me in his life. I was very surprised because for 3 months we have been on the same page.... Why continue to string me. He told me that he doesn't catch feelings fast and that I am getting too attached too soon. I told him that we should be finished because I though our friendship will build into something more maybe I put expectations too high being that he is 18 and still in highschool. What should I do keep it at friends and wait to see what happens or move on with life and is 3 months too soon to get attached?? Also he tells me that he wouldn't be angry if I see other people but would get angry if I have sexual relations with other men. What is this young boy problem Smh.

     
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    Old 06-17-2015, 11:25 AM   #2
    pendulum
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    Re: is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

    I don't know for sure... but I have the impression that he knows your weak points and is playing games with you. How "funny" that he is ok with your seeing other people but not having sex with them? Doesn't that sound like he's telling you what to do? How daring! How about him? Can he do whatever he pleases? I don't know what the real problem with this young boy is, but you're probably getting a lot of problems and limitations for yourself if you stay with him.

     
    Old 06-17-2015, 11:29 AM   #3
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    Re: is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

    Being 18 he probably doesn't know what he wants in life.

    You only have 3 months invested. I'd look for a more permanent boyfriend but it's your decision.

    Best of luck.

     
    Old 06-17-2015, 11:38 AM   #4
    Nervous92
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    Re: is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

    Hi you guys. I feel terrible because once again this has been a dead end relationship like many others. Recently all of my relationships has been 3 months span. I'm not sure if i get too attached or what. I feel very depressed. I have this guy my celibacy.... I also jumped into dating him fast soon after my last break up which lasted for only 3 months

     
    Old 06-18-2015, 05:45 AM   #5
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    Re: is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nervous92 View Post
    All of my friends are in relationships, having families , and getting married. I confronted him about my feelings towards wanting something more and he told me friendships last longer than relationships and that he's not ready to do all that stuff.
    I'm not sure why this should be such a surprise to you. He's still a child who hasn't even had any kind of life experiences yet. Of course he doesn't want a family and kids like all of your older friends do! He's not an idiot, he knows that he doesn't want to settle down before having many experiences with more than just 1 girl. That's actually really smart of him.

    You need to listen to what he has already told you because you are ignoring the words that he has said to you. He specifically said he wants to keep things casual and doesn't want to be committed to you because he is not at a point in his life where he wants that kind of burden in his life. He was honest with you about that. But then you are the one who lied to him about being ok with keeping things casual when in reality in your imagination you're already picking out wedding dresses and baby names. Bottom line is, you're not on the same page and you won't be for a long time. That is the biggest issue happening here.

    If you truly want marriage and a family, you're going to have to accept the fact that it's not going to happen with this kid. You'll have to look for someone else who has had enough life experiences that they feel they are really ready to settle down with someone. But if you want just a casual and meaningless fling that goes nowhere then stay with this guy but don't have any expectations of it being more serious because he already told you that's not going to happen. And you need to learn to hear the words he is telling you when he says he does not want a serious commitment.

    Last edited by Kszan; 06-18-2015 at 05:51 AM.

     
    Old 06-18-2015, 05:58 AM   #6
    Nervous92
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    Re: is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

    Hey there I so need help with this situation. Just a few minutes ago. I told him I need break for him and to focus more on myself because I am embarassed with how I act and don't know how to mend things back. He doesn't really want to speak or see me anymore and I feel if we break without talking things will mend itself back. He says he's fine with it but deep down I know he isn't. If things ever does mend itself back is it possible that a fling will turn into something more as he gets older becaus things are going slow?? I am 23 not too old or young and I am also figuring out myself. I have this anxiety that I will not get married or have kids until I'm older in life so I rush relationships with people and it ends fast. What should I do??

     
    Old 06-18-2015, 06:01 AM   #7
    Nervous92
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    Re: is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

    Hey there I so need help with this situation. Just a few minutes ago. I told him I need break for him and to focus more on myself because I am embarassed with how I act and don't know how to mend things back. He doesn't really want to speak or see me anymore and I feel if we break without talking things will mend itself back. He says he's fine with it but deep down I know he isn't. If things ever does mend itself back is it possible that a fling will turn into something more as he gets older becaus things are going slow?? I am 23 not too old or young and I am also figuring out myself. I have this anxiety that I will not get married or have kids until I'm older in life so I rush relationships with people and it ends fast. What should I do??

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    Old 06-18-2015, 10:55 AM   #8
    rosequartz
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    Re: is 3 months too early to get attached to a potential partner

    toss your boy-toy out.....that's all he really was anyway, and now he's starting to disrespect you....he doesn't want to speak to you or see you anymore?
    That's your cue to say buh-bye.....it was fun while it lasted, but it's time to move on.

     
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