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  • My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

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    Old 06-23-2015, 02:44 PM   #1
    Ukgirl06
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    My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    Hi guys,

    I know this has been posted before, but could really use some advice. I have been with this guy for 9 months and I am absolutely in love with him. For about 6 months though, he is completely convinced that I am cheating on him. He thought I cheated on him with his best friend then he thought I was cheating on him with my boss. I have since then changed my job and he believes now that I am again cheating on him while I am at work. I work long hours and i always send him messages and pictures to prove to him that I am in fact at work. I am a nanny so I always have children in my care. He get a paranoid even when I can't message back straight away or wear sexy underwear. I am never late home, we live together, and I am never going out without him. I have never cheated in my life and I am always in tears when he accuses me as i can't believe that he would actually still think I am cheating on him when I am proving to him that I am not.
    It takes me hours to make him see the truth and at the end he always asks me why I put up with him.
    It used to be rare, but now is almost everyday. I have to come back from work and convince him to see the truth.
    I have been providing for both of us for 7 months as he lost his job. I am doing more for him and for his family than I am doing for me and my family.
    I really don't know what to do, I am really heartbroken and refuse to leave him just because he is paranoid. He really is an amazing man, but he sits there and convinces himself that I am lying to him.
    If anyone has been in this situation, please let me know how to handle it, because the situation is completely put of my hands...
    Thank you in advance !

     
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    Old 06-23-2015, 08:19 PM   #2
    Kszan
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    Sounds like my worst nightmare. I'm sorry but I can't in good conscience help encourage you to stay because I think it's a terrible mistake for anyone to stay in an abusive relationship with someone so paranoid and controlling.

     
    Old 06-23-2015, 09:47 PM   #3
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    I hate to say it but I this is actually evidence of a mental problem or a personality disorder and there isn't anything you can do about it. He will continue to obsess about it and harass you. And if you think it's bad now...

    Anyway, as amazing as you say he is, are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him bringing you to tears for something that's all in his head? Are you sure you want to 'never go out without him'? Rush home everyday to assure him?

    Also, when he turns around at the end and asks why you put up with him, that's extremely manipulative. I'm guessing you've assured him also that you won't leave him?

    I don't think you should leave him because he's paranoid, I think you should leave him because he's abusive and isn't likely to ever get better.

     
    Old 06-24-2015, 01:40 AM   #4
    Seraph
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    He sure likes his game of "get her on her knees", and will never give it up. The control he has over your life is his payoff. His asking you how you can put up with him is asking for (and getting) your assurance that he has gotten away with it again. Do you want to spend your life as a character in the story playing in his head, or would you rather be with a normal mentally healthy adult. This situation is not even close to a normal relationship. He will soon get tired of just making you beg for forgiveness and will find an excuse (your tone of voice, a glance away) to ramp it up to include physical abuse. By going along with it, you are in a very dangerous position; leave him before your spirit dies completely. Sera

    Last edited by Seraph; 06-24-2015 at 01:42 AM.

     
    Old 06-24-2015, 11:31 AM   #5
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    I can't leave him... literally can't imagine my life without him... I know it mind sound childish... today it happened again, he broke up with me and asked me to move out. His mum put some sense into his head and he was okay for 30 minutes till he got paranoid again because I got home 15 minutes earlier than usual. I can't sleep and can't stop crying... apparently me crying makes him even more paranoid because he thinks I've got something to hide...
    I have no one but him... I feel lost and so hurt...

     
    Old 06-24-2015, 07:44 PM   #6
    Seraph
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    Life on your own will be far less horrible than this. You sound very young, you won't be alone forever. You have no one else because he has made sure that you do not make friends. Imagine your life for the next several years - walking on eggshells, having to continually convince him that he is the father of any child you may have, not being allowed to have any of your own friends, and being totally dependent on him for your brief periods of "happiness". Every woman's nightmare, as Kszan put it. Being alone and independent and making friends and having a life will be so much better than crawling on your hands and knees to this bully. Sera

     
    Old 06-25-2015, 05:18 AM   #7
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    Get out of this relationship, as your boyfriend obviously sounds very controlling. You have a right, to have friends and if you stay in this relationship, things may only get worse. Don't let him win, take back control of your life.

     
    Old 06-25-2015, 08:05 AM   #8
    Kszan
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    You seem to still think there is something you can do or say that will magically turn him into a loving boyfriend who would never hurt you. Unfortunately for you, that's never going to happen. He has been repeatedly showing you that he is an abusive, paranoid, controlling manipulator but you still just keep thinking there's a way to change him. This relationship has zero benefit to you at all. Zero benefit to you at all. You are getting nothing out of this while he gets everything he wants without fear of you leaving. He's got it made while you're being shoved in the dirt, on your face, daily.

    As a result of this abusive relationship that you're in, you end up crying every day, having to defend yourself against his asinine accusations every day, you've lost all of your friends so you have no one to support you through this, and to top it all off, you're the only one working so he's mooching off of you while he is abusing you. You're being a doormat and you're letting him walk all over you.

    You say you "literally" can't leave him but you haven't provided any reason worth staying in this miserable hell of existence. This situation will only get worse and escalate to physical abuse against you and then what are you going to do?

    You are already in a very abusive relationship. This is mental, psychological, emotional, and verbal abuse. And it happens to you every single minute of every single day. Every minute of every day he is abusing you. And you're just sitting there letting him and also paying his way through life. Why do you hate yourself so much that you would rather continue getting abused daily?

    You are voluntarily choosing to live in this nightmarish hell of an existence. What would you tell your sister or cousin or best friend if they were living in such hell everyday? I'm sure you would tell them they need to leave as soon as possible. So why is it any different for you? Why are you allowing yourself to be his chump, paying for his every need while he constantly stabs you in the back repeatedly with his vile words?

    It's time for you to change your perspective and realize that he is mentally ill and you will never change him. And you have to start choosing your feelings over his before it's too late and he starts using you as a literal punching bag instead of an emotional one as he has been all this time.

     
    Old 06-25-2015, 08:46 AM   #9
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    I think it's time to end this relationship.

    He has some kind of jealous, distrustful mindset.

     
    Old 06-25-2015, 12:01 PM   #10
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, deal is we arebut I am not

    I had a guy like that, he was my soulmate. Loved him so much. Turned he was cheating.

    The deal is we are just creatures of habit. Once you leave and start going out after a couple months you'll be fine. But don't do what I did I let him come over for boots calls while he lived with the girl he cheated with.

    Cathy

     
    Old 06-25-2015, 02:21 PM   #11
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    you need to end this relationship, it's doing you more harm than good, and I can't see it getting any better!

     
    Old 06-25-2015, 03:30 PM   #12
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    I agree that you need to get out of this relationship as it is not a healthy but you are being abused. You may not believe this but there are decent guys out there! You deserve better, you truly do.

    Sunny

     
    Old 06-26-2015, 04:14 AM   #13
    Ukgirl06
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    He is making an appointment to try to find some help. When he gets paranoid, I feel like it's not my boyfriend that I am talking to. It's like a completely different person. That's why I am still with him. He had a good day yesterday, but now it's back again... from the research I did he has paranoid personality disorder. He starts crying because in his head he is actually convinced that I am cheating. I always try to stay strong and prove to him that I am not, but he doesn't see anything else while he has these episodes. He is hurting me, but at the same time he is hurting himself. That's why I refuse ti break up with him... we literally planned our future together.
    He has been really hurt in the past, and he told me that he knows that if I would hurt him, it would destroy him... and that's the reason why he gets so paranoid. Self protection.
    It is really hard for me, and I started getting depressed. I feel like I am changing as well, because I am afraid to do things, anything, thay might trigger it...
    He never made me not talk to my friends, I still have frI ends, but most of the so called friends always have ben there for me while it suited them. I am an extremely sensitive person, I was never able to hurt anyone, in any way, even tho they have always been mean to me...
    He is my everything, and while he is okay, he really is a wonderful human being, that always did everything to help people around him...
    That's why it's so hard for me...

     
    Old 06-26-2015, 08:07 AM   #14
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    Re: My boyfriend thinks I am cheating, but I am not

    you ARE changing.....the light is going out of your life, your spirit is dying.
    If you refuse to see this relationship for what it is you are destined to a life of misery......I hope you re-consider your choices and realize that you deserve better and make the conscious choice to not waste your life with him.
    And he said he would get help? they all say that.....it's a stalling tactic....you will see.

     
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