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  • I get over it, then I go right back to where I was..

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    Old 11-24-2015, 07:35 PM   #1
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    I get over it, then I go right back to where I was..

    Hi all, please prepare yourself for my rant

    I bought a home with my boyfriend this past summer, and my little sister moved in with us. We are two years apart in age and have always had a fantastic relationship. We have lived together all of our lives up until I moved out of our folks' home when I was 17.. and, now again, at my age of 24.

    So, things were all peachy.. she was extremely excited and so was I. My sister had horrible experiences living with friends when she had moved out, and I was excited to provide a much better environment for her. Apparently they were extremely filthy and always left ridiculous notes for her to see like 'don't use this room - don't move this - did you eat my last egg?!!' petty crap.

    Unfortunately, our newly found 'happy household' went downhill after the first couple months..

    ** She does not contribute - I pay for all of the household necessities such as groceries (a LOT of them), toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc.
    ** She constantly leaves me a mess to clean up - she will leave dishes everywhere, and garbage that is needing to be properly disposed of... never gathering up her two large waste baskets in preparation for garbage day.. she just makes me handle it time and time again along with her other messes around the common areas.
    ** She will leave her laundry to 'rot' in the washer, or have piles of clothing in the dryer or on top of both machines for up to a week or two at a time.
    ** She has her boyfriend over a few nights per week, and always allows him to lengthy showers as well as a free pass to whatever food, alcohol, etc.
    ** She suckered me in to allowing her to adopt a cat (I already have one myself) and she has only bought food once and has only tended to his litter a handful of times.
    ** She leaves later than me in the morning, and will leave ALL of the lights on that she was using, along with whichever T.V. (little things like that that really get to you when you're paying the utility bills)

    With that said... she knows I'm a clean, tidy, organized person. And she is just being blatantly disrespectful. I can't stand that she doesn't contribute, especially since she does not even keep her messes to herself. That thought process alone irritates me. Plus, my sister eats more food from the fridge & pantry than I can even fathom with absolutely nothing provided to the house from her pocket. She knows my feelings towards many of these frustrations. She agrees about some issues, or, will make a short, snippy comment like 'well sorry you get home earlier than I do.' And it is that 'why should I make any efforts, you will do these things regardless' mentality.

    She also has the best room in the house. (Sorry, yes, more ranting) It is the largest bedroom located in the basement with a full ensuite bathroom. And let's not forget the other full room that she has decided to utilize for her piles of clothes and junk. Her job pays little and she cannot afford all that much (oh, but *loves* to buy expensive clothing and unnecessary stuff).

    I am most upset because I have become very, very passive-aggressive towards her. She won't even be doing anything wrong and I will come off angry because I have just become quite bitter.
    My full-time job is very demanding of my time and sanity, and then all of her antics really set me off internally to top it off.
    My sister will watch me cook for all of us - no help. Watch me clean - no help. Watch me care for her stupid, annoying cat that destroys my stuff - no care or help. She makes comments like 'oh, I can tell you're P'd off today..' and I just think.. 'WELL, WHY DO YOU THINK!? YOU CAN SEE ME DOING EXTRA WORK AROUND THE HOUSE BECAUSE YOU DON'T TAKE THE CARE AND YOU DO NOT CONTRIBUTE!!'

    She only pays $400 in rent with no utilities, groceries, no additional expenses. But, what can I do? She is family, and she is always so low on money. Again, I have expressed a lot of things. And she isn't a little brat over it.. but the issue lies with her laziness and carelessness. Why doesn't she show me respect out of all that I am doing for her? How can I eliminate my passive-aggressive tendencies?! I don't want to come off sounding all crazy and naggy. I know she will feel like she is being too bothersome as if to be a burden to my happiness, which would be unfair to her & her feelings. She is sensitive like I am. When I do make a comment about how particular things makes me feel, I am very calm and careful.. but she is constantly ignoring my feelings. I get over it, then I go right back to where I was... annoyed.

    Thoughts? Please don't think I'm a lunatic a-hole!

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    Old 11-25-2015, 07:13 AM   #2
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    Re: I get over it, then I go right back to where I was..

    well I guess it's a little clearer to you now why her other room mates didn't work out! I'm surprised you didn't see anything like this growing up with her? I think it's time to tell her to shape up or ship out. You can't go on like this....being her mother.....
    if she wants to be an adult and have her own place she needs to be an adult and pay for things, pick up after herself, be responsible, etc.....
    I personally wouldn't have ever let her move in in the first place. It should be just you and your boyfriend.

    Old 11-26-2015, 12:09 AM   #3
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    Re: I get over it, then I go right back to where I was..

    Cancel this arrangement while you can still stand her. It will be hard and cause her to be angry, but so will the inevitable hatred that is developing already. She and you will get over it more quickly if you don't have any more of this. Give her notice and tell her exactly why. I get that each incidence can sound petty, but it makes the big picture really awful for you. Bear this in mind and don't let her bully you into feeling petty and nit-picking. Actually she sounds a lot like my daughter in her teens, but you are not her mommy. Send her back to her parents, let her be their problem - nobody will blame you. Sera

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