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    Old 12-18-2015, 09:42 PM   #1
    GroceryStoreGuy
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    Obsessing over a woman

    I'm obsessing over a woman again. I find myself thinking about her constantly and I know it is a problem. I barely know her.

    It comes from a long history of being alone. I have never had a relationship in my life and it isn't for lack of trying. It just doesn't happen for me - and although there have been many times where I almost lost hope, I never did. Though rejection is part of life, it doesn't necessarily get easier each time - especially as the years pass.

    And now I hope that this is a time where it finally "works". But what do I know? Well I know my history here, and it doesn't look promising.

    All things considered, this time I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm having panic attacks left, right and center and I can't think about anything else - despite having things to occupy my time.

    Last edited by GroceryStoreGuy; 12-18-2015 at 09:46 PM.

     
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    Old 12-21-2015, 09:53 PM   #2
    GroceryStoreGuy
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Well, I was right, it didn't work out, she's not interested. I don't have anyone I can confide to but posting this update is providing some therapy.

    It's going to hurt, I know it is.

     
    Old 12-22-2015, 06:52 AM   #3
    CallMeMagenta
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    It gets really old being hurt over and over, doesn't it? For the most part I avoid attempting relationships as it always ends in pain. I'm sorry you're going through this.

     
    Old 12-22-2015, 02:54 PM   #4
    GroceryStoreGuy
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    I know that there is not someone out there for me. How could there be?

    Not to mention the fact that any time any woman ever talks to me is when they need something.

    Last edited by GroceryStoreGuy; 12-22-2015 at 07:58 PM.

     
    Old 12-22-2015, 09:02 PM   #5
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    I don't believe there is anyone out there for me either. Probably as long as we feel that way we will find it to be true. We are our own worst enemy. Unfortunately, I don't have a solution for that problem.

     
    Old 12-23-2015, 02:09 PM   #6
    GroceryStoreGuy
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    I've got news for you, its not THINKING that there is no one out there for you that makes it so. Because I THOUGHT the opposite was true. Doesn't mean a thing.

     
    Old 12-23-2015, 02:35 PM   #7
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    after quite a few bad relationships, I've learned that just having someone doesn't solve your problems or make things great......sometimes it's better to be alone!

     
    Old 12-24-2015, 10:51 AM   #8
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    You have a very negative attitude. I understand that. It's from life experience, from your upbringing, from wherever. I have it too. Thing is that attitude radiates and people pick up on it and want to avoid it. Wallowing in self pity once in awhile is one thing. Choosing to live permanently in the wallow is another. It's a choice we make, and it creates our future, like it or not.

    rosequartz makes a very good point. We can't run from ourselves, and if we are miserable a relationship won't fix that. Others can't fix us. We can only fix ourselves. Being alone isn't the end of the world, and many people who aren't in relationships are very happy and fulfilled.

     
    Old 12-29-2015, 09:26 PM   #9
    GroceryStoreGuy
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    I never said that I was running from myself or seeking a relationship to 'fix my problems.' And I have a very negative attitude, yes - when I'm having a bad day and something is bothering me and I'm speaking from emotion. So do the majority of people I know.

    Last edited by GroceryStoreGuy; 12-29-2015 at 09:29 PM.

     
    Old 01-29-2016, 07:34 PM   #10
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    I understand your pain. I had this for the first 30 years of my life. I met my wife at 31. I wasn't attracted to her at all but the more I got to know her the more I felt secure with her.

    Before that I was in your situation and I was so lonely. I took citalopram and buspar. It killed my sex drive, (because being a horny 20 something year old male is definitely a form of hell) and it kept my emotions steady. I was no longer miserable being lonely and I was simply content and somewhat numb. I prefer the numbness feeling to deep pain and loneliness. Ask your physician for these drugs, they are cheap and damn effective for depression, anxiety, and unsatisfied sexual desire.

     
    Old 02-12-2016, 07:59 PM   #11
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Hello everyone. This thread was originally started in regards to the girl I was interested in and then it evolved to encompass my past and continuing disconnect with women.

    I have an update about the specific girl: I asked her if she wanted to meet for a half hour sometime and grab a coffee. She didn't answer me (it was over text because of the circumstances) and then she stopped talking to me when we'd see each other at work and started avoiding me altogether.

    Solitas, thank you for your concern but truth be told for me it isn't so much about sex and that I'm hopelessly horny - it's more that I want to have someone in my life, and I want all the stuff that goes along with it, even the bad.

    Last edited by GroceryStoreGuy; 02-12-2016 at 08:03 PM.

     
    Old 02-13-2016, 08:14 AM   #12
    lenvegas
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Hi, when I was younger, before the internet, to meet girls I went to where the girls were. I took aerobic classes, yoga and cooking classes because I knew if I just went to work and then home I would never meet anybody. I never had a problem with dating or relationships because I was constantly surrounded by women. If the internet had been invented then I would have been all over the internet dating scene. Internet dating sites are great, I mean there you see the womens photo, her likes and dislikes, what she looks for in a man and if she wants a serious relationship, I mean how much easier does it get than that? So my advice would be is to go where women go and/or get to an online dating site. Good luck to you.

     
    Old 02-13-2016, 10:46 AM   #13
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lenvegas View Post
    Hi, when I was younger, before the internet, to meet girls I went to where the girls were. I took aerobic classes, yoga and cooking classes because I knew if I just went to work and then home I would never meet anybody. I never had a problem with dating or relationships because I was constantly surrounded by women. If the internet had been invented then I would have been all over the internet dating scene. Internet dating sites are great, I mean there you see the womens photo, her likes and dislikes, what she looks for in a man and if she wants a serious relationship, I mean how much easier does it get than that? So my advice would be is to go where women go and/or get to an online dating site. Good luck to you.
    Hi lenvegas, unfortunately my problem is more than not putting myself out there. The problem is when I put myself out there, nobody cares.

     
    Old 02-14-2016, 04:19 AM   #14
    pendulum
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GroceryStoreGuy View Post
    Hi lenvegas, unfortunately my problem is more than not putting myself out there. The problem is when I put myself out there, nobody cares.
    If that's the case, then I must say something that unfortunately can make me sound superficial.

    Anyway, why don't you try to change something in your physical appearance (body, clothes, posture, voice, smile, whatever)?

    Of course your physical apperance is not (and can never be) everything, but it is like your visiting card.

    A slovenly card can be discarded without guilt, if you see what I mean.

     
    Old 02-15-2016, 11:32 PM   #15
    GroceryStoreGuy
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    Re: Obsessing over a woman

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
    If that's the case, then I must say something that unfortunately can make me sound superficial.

    Anyway, why don't you try to change something in your physical appearance (body, clothes, posture, voice, smile, whatever)?

    Of course your physical apperance is not (and can never be) everything, but it is like your visiting card.

    A slovenly card can be discarded without guilt, if you see what I mean.
    I look no worse than the guys you see walking around with women

     
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