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-   -   Not sure if what's best is to leave him? (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/1025507-not-sure-if-whats-best-leave-him.html)

jasmine17 09-18-2016 05:06 PM

Not sure if what's best is to leave him?
 
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years now. I love him so much the only problem is that I have noticed some red flags throughout our relationship.

1. This one time last year he called me to let me know that there was a girl who kept checking him out and claimed that she wanted to have oral sex and what not. He has the tendency to talk that way instead of just saying "There was a girl that was trying to flirt with me today" anyways so I stayed quiet, I wasn't sure of what to say. That made him so angry he went off on me out of nowhere and said "look when I tell you something I except for you to reply back, you always stay quiet" he was tipsy and I asked him if he was being serious and he said yes and started cussing at me and overall nobody has ever talked to me that way I was hurt and started to cry so that's when he apologized and felt bad I guess. At that point I was really debating on leaving him or not but I didn't he said he would never talk to me like that again and he has not and that was last year.

2. He hates small dogs, when he comes over to my house he ignores my dog which I don't mind I accept the fact that he doesn't like my dog. Anyways so this one day that he came over, my dog jumped on the sofa so she can greet him and lick him. That made him so mad to the point where he hold her down by the neck and choked her. I yelled at him to stop my dog was crying and he kept choking her that's when I began to push him and yelled at him to stop so he let go.

3. He knows I don't want a threesome yet he keeps asking me if we can have one he says that it has always been his fantasy which I understand I believe that is common in guys but what I don't like is that he is aware that I don't like girls at all yet he keeps asking about it.

4. He makes fun of my body he says I have chicken legs and laughs and then he will say that i'm a stick which in the beginning of our relationship I felt insecure when one time he told me that i'm pretty and all but I would look better if I had thick legs. (And no he is not insecure he is very confident actually).

5. He doesn't have manners he drives a huge truck and i'm tiny, the struggle is too real to get on his truck and yet he decided to take the side step of his truck so now it's even harder for me to get on and I would tell him why would he do that if he knows that i'm tiny and struggle to get on it and he claims that it makes his truck look bigger.

6. He does not let me wear bikinis in public because it's the same thing as me wearing bra and pannies.

I know you might think "What are you still even doing with this guy" I fell deeply in love with him and I blame myself for this because I knew I should have broken up with him the moment that he made that comment saying "you would look better if you had thicker legs" but I didn't...

He has changed a lot I noticed though, he now all of a sudden makes me feel special and is always telling me how pretty I am and will compliment me on my body he even started going to the gym with me so he can help me reach my fitness goals. Sense he did take the side step off he will now carry me and help me get on his truck he will ask me if I need help to get on most of the time (my mom told me he shouldn't have to ask he should just do it lol) I noticed he still has anger issues but it hasn't been that bad like it was before. The only thing he continues to do is keep asking me about the threesome. Other than that everything is great now way better than it was our first year of dating he even gave me a promise ring.

I can't help but wonder though should I still stay with this guy I think about the red flags that I listed above and it makes me fear for my future. What if we get married and his anger issues get worse, I need some advice I feel hopeless at this point and very confused.

Bewe 09-18-2016 06:02 PM

Re: Not sure if what's best is to leave him?
 
You know, if you would just read over your post, you may have answered your own question.

If you wonder if you should stay, do not make any lifetime commitments to the relationship. It is obvious you have doubts. Trust your instincts and go slow.

Don't do anything you do not want to do sexually. He should respect your feelings and not bring the threesome up again. True intimacy requires trust.

And finally you do not need anyone's "permission" to wear a bikini. Dont compromise your personal power. It is YOUR choice to do it or not.

Good luck. Trust your feelings, don't talk yourself out of the doubts you are having. Based on his past behavior they are valid.

Kszan 09-18-2016 06:46 PM

Re: Not sure if what's best is to leave him?
 
It's bad enough that you've continued to allow this abusive jerk to treat you like garbage over and over again but it's even worse that you didn't kick him out with the full force of your foot when he abused your dog. People who abuse animals are psychotic. Period end of story. You know what you need to do.

rosequartz 09-19-2016 06:48 AM

Re: Not sure if what's best is to leave him?
 
get rid of this jerk.....anyone who did that with my dog would have had the door hit him on the way out

brightstar01 09-28-2016 01:27 PM

Re: Not sure if what's best is to leave him?
 
He sounds abusive and controlling, run for the hills, find a nice guy that will treat you well

esker 01-16-2017 10:47 AM

Re: Not sure if what's best is to leave him?
 
You are the next, after the dog. Get out now.

Now. Like yesterday. Go.

[QUOTE=jasmine17;5433515]That made him so mad to the point where he hold her down by the neck and choked her.[/QUOTE]

Dragonfly Wings 01-16-2017 11:55 AM

Re: Not sure if what's best is to leave him?
 
Big hugs to you! It's never easy ending something that has been a huge part of your life but I would honestly get out now.

His sudden change of character seems a bit off too going from what you've previously said. Sounds as though he is up to something. Maybe he thinks if he manipulates you in to thinking he is this perfect changed gentleman then you will bend and do anything he wishes and desires. Give him the flick and find someone who deserves you!

Take care and best of luck!
K.

onm 01-16-2017 09:03 PM

Re: Not sure if what's best is to leave him?
 
Kick that guy out of your life.


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