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  • Boyfriend's Mother

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    Old 01-17-2017, 07:03 AM   #1
    Dolores98
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    Boyfriend's Mother

    Okay, so my boyfriend and I met nine months ago and began dating five months ago. In the beginning, even when we were a bit more than friends and everyone knew, but not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend yet, his mother was very kind to me, always saying hello when we were on the phone and what not. However, once we officially started dating, his parents invited me over for dinner. I went, dressed appropriately, brought dessert, helped with the dishes, and was extremely respectful to his family. I was shy and quiet, but that is to be expected for a innocent eighteen year old girl meeting the guy who she really likes parents for the first time. After that, he asked them if they liked me (obviously when I was not there). They said yes very much and that was the verdict of the parental approval.

    However, as time went on, his mother acted extremely strange towards to mention of me. Now let me say, his mother is definitely something. She believes, and I quote, "Nothing matters in life except school, homework, and work. Happiness is not as important as those." She is extremely bitter and will not have any other way except her own. One day, my boyfriend came home from a competition that he was at for 12 hours and his school won 1st place with him as lead. His dad said he could go out since he worked so hard for 12 hours and all he ever does is study. His dad called his mom to tell him and she flat out said no. He told me, as he was supposed to go out with me, and this being about the 6th time she's said no for absolutely no reason I was infuriated.

    I didn't take it out on my boyfriend, of course, but I was infuriated at his mother for treating him like he is 4 when he is about to be nineteen. He went home and calmly asked her if why he couldn't go out. She immediately screamed at him saying he just couldn't and that he had to study. The argument escalated and things were said. It got so far as he told her he was going to leave and she said fine. He grabbed his keys and she begged him to stay. That night we ended up going out. However, things haven't changed all too much. She treats him horribly. I hear the way she talks to him. He is such a good man, and an incredibly respectable son. Yet she treats him like he is addicted to drugs, has a 1.5 GPA and has gotten 15 different girls pregnant. I don't understand. I do believe she wants him to succeed and may love him just a bit too intensely. I honestly don't know. I do know that she hates me. In the beginning, I defended her, saying she just really cares about him and wants the best.

    However, as time continued on and I heard her over the phone I was absolutely horrified. What kind of mother talks to her child that way? Horrible. I had done nothing to her and she began hating me out of the blue. One day at 6:00 am she called me from his phone, waking me up, then texting me and accusing me of having him skip practice to talk on the phone with me. I was so appalled and horrified that she would go around her son to ask me and accuse me of something. After responding, my parents told me to not respond to her ever again unless absolutely necessary and I did just that.

    Recently, she went through his phone and saw some texts between us. We were speaking of her not very kindly. My parents invited my boyfriend to come out with us so they could get to know him better and she refused to let him because he had to "study" despite that fact that he had already gone to tutoring for 2 hours that morning and had been studying for 6 hours after. His father argued with her that his life doesn't have to consist of only studying. Anywho, while this was taking place we were, as I said, speaking of her not kindly. Eventually she let him come to my house that night. Anyway, the next morning she texted him (he was at my house again, my father invited him to go on a exercise so they could bond) saying "next time you and your girlfriend want to talk trash about someone, you might want to try deleting your messages."

    She does go through his phone. She forces her 18 year old son to give her her phone at night and go through it. He forgot to delete the messages and she saw them. After a slight panic attack, I calmed down and realized I didn't really care. She had treated him so bad and hated me for no reason that I felt, she was snooping where she shouldn't have been and she got served. At least she had a reason to hate me now. I don't know. Is it bad that I don't care? I have no respect for her at all and she hates me so I can't say I'm too fond of her in anyway. The only thing I am afraid of is his father hating me, because his father is a good man who I respect greatly. I don't know. Advice?

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    Old 01-17-2017, 08:08 AM   #2
    MSNik
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother

    My advice is that this sounds like a great relationship, but his mother is trying to keep him from growing up. Fortunately it sounds like his father is more relalistic.
    Im assuming your boyfriend is headed to college next year? Please have him go away to school so that he can get away from his controlling mother.,..if this relationship is meant to work, you'll be dealing with a long distance relationship for some time, but once you get the hang of it, you can make it work! You can have him stay at your house during holidays and if that doesnt work, let him work things out with his parents...but only time will tell if he is strong enough to stand up to his mother.

    You have every right not to care. This is not normal behavior for anyone's mother...stay out of it. Your parents are right . please do not engage because it will only make them hate you. Let your boyfriend handle it..if he loves you like you think he does...this will all work out in the end.
    Good luck!
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    Old 01-17-2017, 11:52 AM   #3
    Dragonfly Wings
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother

    Yikes! What a piece of work his mother is! I feel so bad for all who have to endure her! What type of "mother" treats their children that way - especially when those children are now adults!!! And the way she speaks to him is appalling also! I have three children and would never in my right mind think of doing any of those things.

    Your poor boyfriend needs to get as far out of that house and away from that woman as possible! And you don't owe her anything, so don't feel bad about how you feel about her - it's certainly warranted!

    It sounds like you have a good relationship with your boyfriend which is wonderful, I just hope Mummy cuts that umbilical cord she's holding onto so tightly soon!

    Best of luck!
    K.

     
    Old 01-17-2017, 01:02 PM   #4
    Dolores98
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother

    Thank you for the input. It's nice to have my feelings toward her validated. It's been like this for so long, I sometimes feel that I'm going crazy and she's not as bad as she seems and that I'm just being dramatic. I truly care about my boyfriend. He is my best friend and the man that I could see myself ending up with (stereotypical of a teenager to say, but hey, it could happen!). It's gotten to the point where I hate it when he leaves me because I know he has to go back to that house. I don't think it's normal for me to feel sick to my stomach when I realize he has to go home to her and her insanity. I hate that she treats him with such little respect. He deserves so much more. He is such a smart, well-rounded and empathetic person, and she does not treat him the way he deserves to be treated.

     
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    Old 01-17-2017, 01:32 PM   #5
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    Re: Boyfriend's Mother

    Hugs! I really do feel for you both! Hopefully he will be out of that house sooner rather than later!

    For what it's worth, I met my husband on my 18th birthday and we have been together 17yrs this year

    Take care!
    K.

     
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