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oracle22 03-14-2017 12:18 PM

My girlfriend broke up with me a week ago but everything is so complicated
Hi I'd like some advice about what my next steps should be after a very confusing week.

I'll try and give a bit of background but its multi-faceted and long. My girlfriend and I met in 2nd year of uni and fell for each other. I was scared to tell her I loved her because I'd been burned in the past and she sat me down 7 months in and told me to tell her I loved her more and that she was in this for the long haul so if I wasn't to leave it there. I brought my walls down and let myself love her completely. It felt amazing. we were inseparable, in final year, went to the pub together, watched louis theroux documentaries, we were in a bubble of student bliss. Then University finished and we both went to Italy for a month to stay with her auntie on the coast. whilst there her attitude towards me changed, she snapped at me more easily, put me down needlessly at times and I could tell something was different. 95% of the time we were the same as always but that 5% difference was definitely there.

Then as I'm about to leave for home (she was staying there) she tells me that she's been taking pregnancy tests and they've all come out as negative so not to worry. I arrive home and a few days later she calls me, pregnant. About to fly to america where her mum and dad live with no idea what to do. I felt absolutely helpless. I told her I would support her whatever she decided.

Then we went together to Kenya and everything started to slip. I don't know why but I think because we were around solely my friends and she's used to being the most popular centre of her friendship group at uni, she responded to this by openly putting me down in front of my friends. We had literally had one day together to ourselves then we thrown into the middle of africa with a bunch of people she didn't know that well. At first I let it go and laughed it off but then I started to snap at her. This was meant to be the best trip of our lives and I couldn't understand why she was constantly putting me down so we started to resent each other. The resentment meant we both would have a go at each other, if she said something to me, by the end of the trip I would bite right back in an effort not to lose face. after 2 months I had enough. she told me that despite the trip being incredible, whenever she looked back on it she just felt depressed at how we were.

After the trip she came back with me and we stayed at my parents house to formulate a plan. I got a job and she became less and less happy as we were stuck at my parents house but we still loved eachother. then she went back home for xmas and I didn't see her till I february. she told me that the feelings hadn't gone and she had been depressed at her home, crying and having dark thoughts. When I flew out to see her it wasn't the same. for the first time in the same bed she lay on her side with her back to me to go to sleep. It felt horrible, she then got a job and I went back to the bar job. I hated it but the money I saved meant I could go see her.

at this point she starts saying that she's having a good time on the ski season and I was happy for her. But she tells me she's sleeping in other peoples beds because she doesn't like sleeping alone. I ask if she sleeps in boys beds and she says yes. I was angry but I genuinely thought the love we had was forever so tried to be calm. but I end up passive aggressively saying that maybe we should take a break because I was hurt. she's very stubborn and said yes, but we're texting the whole time.

Then I send her a message saying that we should break up for good because she doesn't love me anymore and she responds saying she loves me with all of her heart. I tell her we can make it work and book a flight to Italy. Things were still not the same. There was an attraction but I think she'd lost respect with me for taking her back after she slept in bed with other boys. When I leave we tell each other that we love each other and try to figure out what we're doing next. She ends up getting a volunteer job in another country. I told her to go for it and she got it. she would be away for 5 months.

I got a better job too. we would try to keep the romance alive by skyping and stuff but obviously its not the same. She tells me that she feels like she doesn't love me as much as she did, and I'm heartbroken. she then says that maybe we should break-up as we're in different countries and we've got different plans and she doesn't think it will work. but the whole time we're texting and chatting and I don't think either of us thought we were actually broken up.

then she tells me that whilst she was on her ski season she kissed 2 boys. I stopped talking to her for a week, went out with my mates and got with a girl for the first time in 2 years. I tell gf and she's really sad about it. She keeps talking to me the whole time, asking me to forgive her and that it didn't mean anything, I tell her that I still love her and she said "I know"... She asks me if I want to come see her, so I say yes and go to see if we can salvage the relationship. we had some good times but I was insecure now. I didn't feel loved anymore and it was making me try to hard. She told me she didn't love me anymore and we should break it off.

I fly back home pretty heartbroken. But again we text the whole time. THEN she comes back and because we're both comfortable get on great! So well in fact that we begin to think of ways to make it work. I suggest we make a go of it whilst we're both in the same country and see what happens. She agrees and moves into my flat with me. I told you it was long...

Right. Now in my job I am unhappy, and in my flat I'm unhappy, I don't like the area and i'm not doing what I want to be doing. She's stuck in the flat applying for jobs but not really getting anywhere. We get on great 90% of the time. but we feel like we're wasting our lives stuck here, and when we're in front of other people it feels like she's trying to show off, even trying to demean me. I take absolutely none of it and give her as good as she gets, I'm tired of her acting weird in front of people. She also tells me that she loves me but maybe not as much as I love her. This creates some serious anxiety in the relationship. The problem is I don't love me right now. I was lazy, doing nothing, not excercising, not taking her out, being a generally crappy boyfriend because i felt stuck in a rut.

I tell her I want to break up with her because of one of her best friends. I lost a lot of respect for her. then her friend tells me she hears I'm a psycho boyfriend and I get up and leave. my gf rings me to say she has no idea why she said it and she's sorry I had to listen to that. I was hurt because I have put myself on the line a lot for our relationship with actions that were because of love but do look desperate. I tell me gf that I want to end it because she didn't stick up for or treat me with the respect I deserved and she cries herself to sleep. in the morning she stubbornly heads out the door with none of her stuff to see a mate. I call her later on to see if she wants to sort things. She comes and I realise that due to my insecurity about our relationship I took out my anger at her instead of her mate.

She tells me she doesn't think its working, I say fair enough and we both go to the pub. we meet a group of people and we start to fall back into how we normally are. laughing and joking, and as we're on the way home she tells me that she does love me. It felt great. A week later we're in front of just her mates and she pays me no attention whatsoever all weekend. We don't argue but it doesn't feel like we're a unit. She found on my phone a text to the girl I kissed saying to watch out because they would be in the same city. this is why she was so shady. Also she saw a picture of me and the girl on a night out together, which I had gone on because gf was being so moody in the first place. All this lead to her throwing my shoes out of a window and me driving off. Then she confronts me about the text and asks how many times i've kissed the other girl. i tell her twice and she felt betrayed.

I take her back to the flat and as we're lay in bed she says we should break up. This one feels real. the next day we both lie together crying, then we start to kiss. but somethings different. she bursts into floods of tears like I've never seen before and lies on the bed. I start crying too. It was the weirdest most horrible feeling I've ever had. I pickup all my stuff jump in the car and drive home. she texts saying she's taken all of her stuff to a mates. I ring her to make sure she's alright after the horrible way it ended and she says that we shouldn't talk to each other. bare in mind we've talked every day for 3 years. I agree. two days later she rings me up sobbing. she still has no job, she doesn't like staying at her mates and she's depressed.

She rang me because she feels closest to me and I say she can't breakup with me and keep me on for emotional support. I calm her down tell her goodnight and we hang up. I've always been the one to contact her so it feels weird having her reach out to me. I apply for some masters courses and go running everyday, I actually feel positive about where my life is going for the first time in ages. I feel like I'm going to stop being a waste man who relies too heavily on his gf for happiness and actually go an succeed.

Its just so sad that the kick I needed was to break up with the love of my life. Now she's the one who's cautious to talk to me, I feel in a much better place now so decided to tell her that I'm here if she needs me. She thanked me and suggested going for a drink but then said it may not be a good idea. This girl is genuinely the only person I have connected with on a massively deep level ever. We have been through some serious stuff and are both just trying to sort our own lives out, but it has cost us our relationship. What the hell do I do now.

If I don't stop talking to her I'll never move on, but she's the most important person in my life who saw me acting like a lazy idiot for 2 months before we ended things, and now she's in a really horrible/anxious position. Even at the end though we still had a serious spark in the bedroom and she said that was not to be underestimated. also within 2 weeks of the end we both told each other we loved each other, But the resentment of being unhappy in our individual lives meant we fought over petty things. Sorry for the essay. any advice appreciated.

rosequartz 03-15-2017 10:08 AM

Re: My girlfriend broke up with me a week ago but everything is so complicated
at the beginning of this story she was pregnant, and then no mention of it at the end of the story? I don't know if this relationship is worth all the you?

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