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  • Girlfriend can't forgive and move on

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    Old 07-07-2017, 08:07 AM   #1
    stigma02
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    Girlfriend can't forgive and move on

    I have been with my girlfriend for about 7 months now I am 24 and she is 22. I was a player for a while and hooked up with a lot of women. That all changed when i met a certain girl. I had her over we hung out and hooked up, it felt different but i told her that werent exclusive and i wasnt looking for a relationship. Two days later, i hooked up with a different girl which made me realize i liked the other girl more than normal. After that, i became exclusive but didnt tell her that. that went on for about a month when she said "we either become a thing or im gone". So i asked her out and there we were. a few weeks in she asks "was i the only one you were sleeping with was there any interlap". I said no which was a lie i regret now. But i knew if i said yes, it would.have been over. a month later she asks again and i tell her the truth. She is hesrtbroken and tells me to get tested. i wait a while which pisses her off but i get tested and I am clean.

    fast forward to now, we were talking about our first date and she mentioned "yea rhen you ****** so and so" i was like seriously? we are going to bring that up? thats the past i have apologized for. I fall asleep cuddling her. Wake.up to her ****** thinking about it. Saying "it hurts so bad i dont know if i can get past this" "you will.never change and will always be capable of that". She is hurt i lied, i have apologized and explained its before we were ever together but she says its a clash of moral. No i feel like she might break up.with me over this.

    We are supposed to move in together tomorrow and she says im the love of her life but in my opinion if you can't forgive and move on, than that is not the case.

    Am.i wrong in my thinking? What should i do? I have told her i regret lying. She also says i wish i would have been straight forward and she says she would have called it then and there. I told her, well if that would have happened we wouldnt have had any ofnthe great times we have had all the laughs would.never have occurred is that something you would have preferred? she ignores this question and says that is a different subject. I dont think so.

    I am.loyal to her and have never cheated. despite girld constantly trying to tell her who i was from the past and destroy us. help

     
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    Old 07-07-2017, 09:03 AM   #2
    MSNik
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    Re: Girlfriend cant forgive and move on

    Hello there. What kind of help are you looking for?

    You know that you messed up, right? When you had the chance to be honest, you weren't and now you are paying the price for it.

    Remember, she is only 22 and after only 7 months, she honestly doesn't know if you are the love of her very short life. It takes years to get to know someone that well and years to build real trust...and trust, is only there if it isn't broken. Unfortunately you broke it.

    My advice is that she is not going to make your life easy...if you are paying the price to this extent now, can you imagine what will happen if you stay out late one night with friends, drink too much in her opinion or happen to look at a pretty girl while you are with her? She is not mature enough to handle any of those or any other situation. Moving in together is a really bad idea...but that doesnt mean you have to break up. Put the moving in together on ice for another 6 months and see what happens...in the meantime, back off and let her decide if she wants you or not.You cannot undo the past, however, you CAN change. Whether you do it for her or not, is up to you but words are cheap...youre going to have to prove it by showing her.

    Best of luck. I hope it all works out, but you asked for help, my advice is to put this moving in thing on hold...putting more stress on this relationship is not healthy right now.
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    Old 07-07-2017, 03:24 PM   #3
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    Re: Girlfriend cant forgive and move on

    Oh dear, you've put yourself in a real pickle now haven't you? While you shouldn't have lied *but good on you for then telling the truth*, what happened while you guys were not exclusive should not be an issue what so ever! You were NOT exclusive, you BOTH went into this partnership this way, it wasn't a one way street. You were able to do as you pleased, just as much as she was. This should not hold any bearing on you now at all and it's a bit sad that she is acting the way she is about it now.

    Honestly, if you are "copping" it this bad already, I would hate to see how things would go if you lived together, were married or had children together. Take things slow for a bit, or run for the hills. Either way I do believe not moving in together is the best way to go right now.

    Also, explain to her that you were free to do as you pleased back then, you've apologised for lying, you're being honest now and you're being repeatedly punished for it due to her own set of insecurities. It's something you both need to work on together but she needs to be willing to change too.

    All the best!
    DW.

     
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    Old 07-10-2017, 05:11 AM   #4
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    Re: Girlfriend can't forgive and move on

    Thanks for the advice. We were moving in fot financial reasons and we practically lived together already. I have explained to her we were not exclusive at that point and time but she says that its a clash of morals. Its the lying that has her hurting.

    I have apologized numerous amounts of times now i have to just hope she can forgive and get through it. It sucks. I love her with all my heart something like this should not destroy us. But if it does, i would rather it happen quickly rather than letting it drag on. She says it happens at random times. She is happy then thinks of the lie and we started on that and gets sad. Not much more I can do anymore.

    We live in a single room in 3 bedroom apartment. My name is the only one onnthe lease so if we break up, she would just move out. Just hope that doesnt happen.

    Think there is anything else i can do except wait? I cant fix it and she says she will try to get over it but it comes up over and over again.

     
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    Old 07-10-2017, 05:14 AM   #5
    stigma02
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    Re: Girlfriend can't forgive and move on

    At what point should I say, "if you cant get over it than this can not continue or do i just wait and permit myself to feel like **** everytime she does over this. Makes me so sad seeing her sad I almost would want to let her go just so this wouldnt make her sad anymore. I truly want whats best for her.

     
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    Old 07-10-2017, 02:57 PM   #6
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    Re: Girlfriend can't forgive and move on

    Hey there!

     
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    Old 07-10-2017, 03:04 PM   #7
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    Re: Girlfriend can't forgive and move on

    Whoops, sorry about that. I accidentally pressed enter too quickly!

    Unfortunately only you can decide when enough is enough. No amount of advice from outsiders can decide that for you. Think about it though, WHY is she so stuck on this? Sure you broke the trust in a lie, but hey, you did tell the truth right? Hubby and I have been together 17yrs (I am 34), and I caught him out in a few lies early on but it was more things like you - stuff I really didn't need to know but pried info out of him that I really shouldn't have. That said, I got over it and carried on with life.

    I cannot imagine living a long term relationship with someone who is not mature enough to move on from letting this destroy a healthy relationship. This is my opinion only though, I do not know you or her so it's nothing against either of you.

    She needs to know that she is causing an irreparable rift in your relationship that she needs to work through sooner rather than later. There's only so much of going over the same subject that one person is willing to handle, and it's no life living the way you are right now

    I wish you all the best which ever way things go!
    DW.

     
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