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  • Unhappy with boyfriend?

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    Old 09-14-2017, 03:53 PM   #1
    queen716
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    Unhappy with boyfriend?

    Been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 months and he doesn't see eye to eye with me on a lot of things. Sometimes he doesn't stick to his word and most situations it's in his control so he definitely could if he wanted to. Like last night, he told me he was going to take a nap and would contact me when he woke up. He contacted me after he had been up for some time. Said he had cleaned his kitchen, got some beer to drink and that he was taking time for himself. Why couldn't he have told me that he would contact me in a bit if he wanted personal time? The other day he picked up his friend (doesn't have a car) at his on again, off again girlfriend's house and my boyfriend had told me he wouldn't pick him up at her house again, so he didn't stick to what he said. He said he wouldn't do it again but I'm not sure if I should believe him. His friend and her have a toxic relationship and I wish my boyfriend would stop trying to "rescue" him when his friend chooses to go back to her. It's mind games.

    He says he doesn't want to be on his phone non stop around his friends and roommates because he wants to focus on them but yet when we are together, any time someone contacts him he responds right away, it is not fair. You should show the same respect to me. I told him I wanted to work on being on my phone less while we are hanging out together. I was trying to have a conversation with him and I had to stop talking so he could answer a text message, even though I told him it can wait. He never seems to understand why I get upset and he always thinks he's right on these matters. I've tried to talk to him about it a few times. If he's on his phone while we are talking again, I'm just going to walk away and take some space. I deserve to be treated more than a second class citizen. And he always has "reasons" for why he cant always respond to me when we are not together, yet those reasons never apply to anyone he responds to while we are together.


    "Reasons":
    -music is playing
    -checks phone throughout day
    -focusing on those around him
    -I have 3 roommates now. When I first hung out at his house he had 4 roommates and he talked to me very often and responded instantly.
    -Didnt get notifcation that you texted me
    -Didnt hear phone going off
    -didnt see text message notification on screen. Call me if you want to talk.

    Also, another issue is how he gets annoyed when I ask who is at his house. I'm usually just curious and he thinks I should just know who comes over because usually the same people come over and I should "just assume" what kind of people come over and he thinks it's an invasion of privacy and that I should trust him.

    The other night I got upset because he didn't text me when he got home from work, like he always does. His excuse was cause his friends were there, including a guy I've never met or heard of. I asked who he was and he was cracking jokes because he didn't like the way I reacted to him not texting. After some time he told me who he was. What can I do to resolve these differences?

    Last edited by queen716; 09-14-2017 at 03:56 PM.

     
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    Old 09-14-2017, 04:30 PM   #2
    ImOkIguess2
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    Re: Unhappy with boyfriend?

    You do understand that he Doesn't have an obligation to talk to you.
    You guys aren't married. give him his time if you don't want to do that then leave him

    Last edited by Administrator; 09-14-2017 at 07:30 PM.

     
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    Old 09-14-2017, 04:56 PM   #3
    queen716
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    Re: Unhappy with boyfriend?

    I understand we aren't married but if you want your girlfriend to stay with you, then you need to be more considerate of how she feels. I've talked to him a few times about how I feel. If your girlfriend is someone that you need a million excuses for why you don't want to talk to her, then why are you with her? Let her meet someone who will care a little more about how she feels, even if you don't agree. My ex that I was with for 2 years who I frequently argued with, never put me in this position.

    Last edited by Administrator; 09-14-2017 at 07:30 PM.

     
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    Old 09-14-2017, 06:35 PM   #4
    MSNik
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    Re: Unhappy with boyfriend?

    You guys have only been together for a very short time. It sounds to me like he is now showing you who he is, and he is not meeting your expectations.

    Maybe you are just now realizing he isn't who you thought he is...and that he isn't what you need. As you stated, your ex never put you in this position, and although that relationship didn't work out for other reasons, this one might not work out for different ones.

    Dating is exactly this. You go through allot of frogs before you meet your prince- and you're supposed to! This is how you find out what you are willing to put up with, what makes you happy and what you cannot tolerate.

    You might have to cut your losses early on in this relationship. Nothing you wrote sounds like he is the right guy for you.
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    Old 09-14-2017, 07:22 PM   #5
    Seraph
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    Re: Unhappy with boyfriend?

    Three clear options here:
    1. Put up with it for his possible other qualities and don't complain
    2. Work on him to continually try to change his attitude and educate him on bf manners
    3. Walk away and accept that this relationship is not doing it for you.
    These three options simplify everything - there are no others.
    You probably already know which you will be best off with.
    Cheers Sera

     
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    Old 09-14-2017, 10:05 PM   #6
    kanded
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    Re: Unhappy with boyfriend?

    Most guys don't like to be cornered and asked constantly what they are doing.

    If you have a gut instinct that he is not faithful, that's one thing and you should probably break it off and find another guy who seems more loyal.

    But if you just feel like he should be giving you attention all the time, and always has to account to you for when he wakes up and when he goes to the bathroom, that's going to drive him crazy, hence he pretends not to see your texts or gives you an excuse. You're driving him nuts, probably.
    But something is not right there if he's inventing excuses already this early into the relationship, and yeah, it sounds like he has an issue with manners.
    If you don't want to train him, and educate him then better to cut him loose.

    Just remember: never chase the guy, make him chase you. If he's not willing to do that, then he's not in it for the long run, he just wants an easy time.
    Sorry, don't mean to offend, but that's what a lot of guys are like these days and you have to watch you don't get dragged down by some guy like that.
    Hope you find someone who values you...

     
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    Old 09-15-2017, 06:13 AM   #7
    queen716
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    Re: Unhappy with boyfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kanded View Post
    Most guys don't like to be cornered and asked constantly what they are doing.

    If you have a gut instinct that he is not faithful, that's one thing and you should probably break it off and find another guy who seems more loyal.

    But if you just feel like he should be giving you attention all the time, and always has to account to you for when he wakes up and when he goes to the bathroom, that's going to drive him crazy, hence he pretends not to see your texts or gives you an excuse. You're driving him nuts, probably.
    But something is not right there if he's inventing excuses already this early into the relationship, and yeah, it sounds like he has an issue with manners.
    If you don't want to train him, and educate him then better to cut him loose.

    Just remember: never chase the guy, make him chase you. If he's not willing to do that, then he's not in it for the long run, he just wants an easy time.
    Sorry, don't mean to offend, but that's what a lot of guys are like these days and you have to watch you don't get dragged down by some guy like that.
    Hope you find someone who values you...
    I want to be with him but we can't meet half way on any of the things I brought up with him. He thinks it's situations I create in my head.

    Also, we got into a fight as soon as he left work and picked me up because I found out the reason he didn't answer my text from a few hours ago at the time is because he was adding a female coworker on f.b. I got upset cause I thought it wasn't as important as answering me. He said she was his friend (even though he never hangs out with her) and I told him because we were fighting a lot the last few months, that I thought she was a threat to me. He said she was just a friend and that's all she'll ever be.

    What started the next part of the fight is that I told him I didn't want him hanging out with her and I swear he was trying to get a reaction out of me by saying he'd do whatever he wants and I tried annoying him by saying I'd add a bunch of guys on f.b. and he basically said he didn't care, that I can do what I want. That we both had lives outside of the relationship and that he would never hang out with her one on one and that I just assumed things. He said he's tired of me not trusting him.

    Last edited by queen716; 09-15-2017 at 06:15 AM.

     
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    Old 09-15-2017, 08:41 AM   #8
    yayagirl
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    Re: Unhappy with boyfriend?

    Dear queen,

    Believe me, he does NOT think you are making things up. He knows he is not that in to you, and he is such a jerk that he enjoys toying with you.

    Obviously you don't like him the way he is (I wouldn't either). That behavior is not love and it is not even 'like'. He isn't even really your friend. Friends don't act like that. The man is a cad. Never ever tolerate that behavior...believe what you see and move on.

    Don't stoop to his level; you deserve better than that. He clearly is a player (at least with you) and is keeping his options open. He has no loyalty or compassion for you. He toys with you because you let him. Just say no thanks, block him and move on, girlfriend. Even if he began going after you again, that would only be his ego trying to prove he can get anybody...it's not love, don't fall for that.

    When a guy doesn't cherish & protect you he is not worth your time or emotional input. Knowing someone only two and a half months is not a reason to believe he is a 'boyfriend' or even a friend. It takes longer than a few months to learn whether a person is a true friend or someone that just wants to use us. We need to learn this about others before we invest our emotions and time in them. A real friend consistently cares how his actions affect you, and will discuss problem issues in a caring way that does not push you away...you didn't get any of that from that guy.

    Love,
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    Last edited by yayagirl; 09-15-2017 at 09:10 AM.

     
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