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  • Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me?

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    Old 07-04-2018, 08:02 AM   #1
    Dakotar23
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    Unhappy Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me?

    Hello, my names dakota. Me and my girlfriend are around 17 weeks pregnant. Baby is healthy, this is our first child together. I do have a 1.5 year old. So as it all started we met at a mutual friends party late one night when I got off work, late. I worked in a bar, so I met this girl and thought she was wonderful, despite the fact that I was drunk and probably stupid talking she still liked me, as I had just went through a horrible break up we met and if was like love at first site. We even waited a month to have sex after we met! We had opportunities but when it came down to it we both asked if it was the best idea. So three months later we find out that she pregnant. Must I say we were excited for it. Until she started being sick, and sick every day. Never feeling good. Iíve been here trying to comfort her, I probably have a little bit obsession over her as in a new relationship thatís just how it is! Itís new and you feel as happy as can be, well wrong. I CANT tell if itís the hormones... we talk and she says she doesnít want a relationship right now, that she just wants a friend. She doesnít mind a kiss and hug here and there but she doesnít like to be touched. Witch I understand but when we talk and I just feel like she doesnít want to... has came up that she doesnít know if we are going to be good together.. she was completely in love with me before the pregnancy and now itís just flipped... Iím in love with this girl, hints as to why I didnít mind having a baby with her. She shoes great mother traits to my daughter and treats her like sheís her own. I guess Iím just asking if she could go back to being in love with me? How long do hormones work against me for? Iím 23 and sheís 24. Iím also just worried that if we split sheís going to go for someone new. And I donít know if I could bear to handle that .. thanks for any responses. This is my first post. HELP LADIES and Gentlemen. Did your significant other feel this way and it go back to normall. I donít want to annoy her with touching and all that but itís also very hard as we are still in the lovey dovey stage.. well I am ..

     
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    Old 07-04-2018, 10:12 AM   #2
    yayagirl
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me?

    Dear Dakota,

    WHO, man!
    clearly it is you that is in the lovey-dovey stage. It usually is very difficult for a newly pregnant woman to care a hang about lovey dovey.

    You hardly know this lady that you met while drunk after a horrible break up, and you think you love someone that you don't really know and now she is pregnant with a very difficult pregnancy and realizes she doesn't really know you or know if she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.

    She can be wonderful with your child but this can hardly be a wonderful experience for her. She asked for space, so you need to back off from your wonderful plans that she obviously is not sharing right now.

    If you really care, and I am not saying you don't, then you need to put your own needs and desires on the back burner and give her space to remember if she even really wants to be with you. Don't take her need for space personally. Most people don't want to be sick around other people, esp. someone not her husband.

    If you want this to work you need to man up and back off and be kind enough to let her figure out what she wants and if she wants anything long term from you. Just tell her to call if she needs anything and when she wants you around. Even married women often don't want their man around while sick from pregnancy. The hormone changes and sick feeling we go through can be awful. There is no way for you to know how to 'help' her with it. Just let her have space to ask for your company.

    If you were so wonderful together she will realize it and let you know. This scenario is not feeling good to her, at least for now. So if you want this to work do not add pressure to her, as pregnancy is radical and is enough pressure all by itself.

    Let us know how it goes...but buddy, please give her room to miss you and decide when and if she wants you around. I want to add that even married men need to learn to have that kind of sensitivity.
    __________________
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    Last edited by yayagirl; 07-04-2018 at 10:17 AM.

     
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    Old 07-04-2018, 10:28 AM   #3
    Dakotar23
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me?

    Well, we met on a drunken night. Stayed up for hours talking just on the couch. She and I had went on dates for a month just going to local restraunts, bars. Etc. she then told me she loved me about 2 in a half months later. She was living with a friend and she hated it. I was in a bad living situation as I had just moved from my current home and we ended up moving in together. We were both excited . Happy.

    But then came the pregnancy. And I know I need to give her space and time to miss me. I guess Iím just hard headed and keep thinking the worst... sheís a wonderful women and I wouldnít want to lose that. But how does one just back off as if itís that easy! She was nuts about me and then it just hit the bottom like that. With my first pregnancy with my one year old was so easy. All I did was feed my girlfriend Taco Bell and she was content . She only wanted stuff like that and she was always happy to see me and excited to be around me. Thatís why this one is so hurtful because it was not like this with my first daughter, and I know it shouldnít be because everyone is different I guess I just didnít expect this at all. No one ever tells the guys about the hormones and changes like this ...

     
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    Old 07-04-2018, 11:29 AM   #4
    yayagirl
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    Re: Does my pregnant girlfriend really hate me?

    Dear Dakotar,

    Each woman and each pregnancy is different. And take into consideration that the relationship with the first woman you got pregnant did not work out. So, there is no reason whatsoever to expect this different woman to be like the first mother of one of your children. You don't really want her to be do you?

    You got involved with a woman without learning anything about females, hon. The information is out there for anyone to read. Now how are you going be together or stay together? This isn't about giving space to see if she misses you. Now she has a huge responsibility that neither of you protected her from. You cannot know how she feels about this. She likely doesn't even know how she feels about it. It isn't like you two were married and were trying to have a pregnancy. You didn't ask her to marry you. You need to put your own needs aside and wait for the mother of your child to want you around. She didn't even get a chance to say she wants a permanent relationship and now she is already tied to you. If you do want this to work, you need to try to get past yourself and consider how it is to be in her shoes.

    Hon, I am trying to give you some reality about where you two are at. Maybe both of you really are crazy about each other. I certainly hope so, but you must know that love emotions go up and down daily depending on what is going on. Now she has physical and emotional pregnancy needs and you don't know how to be with her and you feel afraid. That means you have to listen to her and be sensitive to what she says, because you will never be pregnant or know what she goes through. You must listen and be sensitive to her where she is at. She will be all over the place. That is what the pregnancy hormones do to most females.

    See what I mean? is fear love? or is love commitment even when you feel fear? You can deal with your past and you can choose to let go of it. Or you can hang on to the past and repeat it. That is your only choice.

    Love is a decision and needs to be stable. Are you up for that?
    How you feel about this has nothing to do with the pain and suffering of pregnancy, or the fact that she is now pregnant out of wedlock to someone she barely knows and is not sure she can trust because you two don't have a long enough history together of normal ups and downs of life, yet.

    It seems that each of you make hasty decisions. So, yes you both did that. now allow her space to have her ups and downs of pregnancy, because sir, it seems natural to you but can be a scary roller-coaster to a woman. I am hoping you don't make her pregnancy all about you and your insecurity. That will quickly scare her away.

    Now you need to show YOUR love. She is incubating a baby. That now comes first before how either she or you feel about each other. Feelings change as you well know. What matters right now is your commitment. Are you committed to doing what it takes to make this work, or to your fears about the past? Only you can decide.

    Sorry, but no one should have to tell the opposite sex to read up on what females go through. This gal is not the other gal, so let the past go. You both jumped into this situation without enough information to make it work. Relationships don't work on their own. Life problems aren't about whether you or she feels love. Now full reality hits hard.

    I am sharing as a long term married woman that did relationships both ways, child out of wedlock and child in wedlock. You cannot imagine what is going through her mind or how her body feels. If you want her in your life, you need to rise above your own needs and consider hers.

    Anyway, I gave you some reality. It's up to you what you do with it.
    __________________
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    Last edited by Administrator; 07-04-2018 at 11:47 AM.

     
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